Seeing Red
by comrade1954
Summary: "JAMES BLOODY POTTER! You, you insolent toerag!" the words harshly echoed through the great hall. Hundreds of eyes, including one sparkling pair seated at the front, turned to face a furious Lilly Potter standing in front of the future love of her life.
1. Excelsipsempra

**The Characters of Harry Potter belong to the brilliant J.K. Rowling. I do not own them, I just like to mess with them! My first FF so let me know how i do.**

**AN: This story is a semi-cannon semi- AU version of the Marauders sixth-seventh years.**

**The first few chapters will catch you up to speed on this version of their world, and it reads a bit like a summary. The story evens out later on, so happy reading!**

* * *

"JAMES BLOODY Potter! You, you insolent toerag!" the words harshly echoed throughout the great hall. Hundreds of eyes, including one sparkling pair seated at the front, turned to face a furious Lily Potter standing astride her breakfast table. Lily's eyes were wide, changing into a particularly glowing green color. Her crimson hair was windswept and strewn across her face. Her wand was out and slashing the air as she cursed and aimed at the flock of enchanted birds attacking her. There were about twelve of them, flying rapidly around her in circles, sniping at her clothing and hair. With each bite they landed her robes shrunk, turned bright pink and sported lettering claiming "property of James Potter" on the front. One bird landed a mouthful of Lily's arse when her back turned, which successfully shrunk her trousers and turned them a practically-see-through shade of white.

Lily's shout elicited complete silence from the great hall until two raven-haired boy's vivacious laughter exploded from the end of the Gryffindor table. Soon the laughter caught on, erupting from practically every Hogwarts student present on the first morning of the term. The two boys, known as James Potter and Sirius Black, laughed so hard they held onto the table to keep their spasms from tipping them over. Their two friends, Peter and Remus only snickered, trying not to encourage the former two. Next to the boys, sat their newest marauder Elladora Dilonsby. Elladora, or Ella for short, was openly scowling at James and Sirius for pulling yet another stunt on Lily, who happened to be her friend. She shook her head and wondered when the two prats would both realize that embarrassment wasn't the way to ask a girl out.

-0000-

Lily suddenly hated James Potter._ No, Lily loathed the very thought of the boy._ She couldn't believe he'd do this._ No wait,_ she could._ But still, HOW COULD HE DO THIS?_ The boy was an absolute terror. She really shouldn't be surprised though, he had been "asking her out" constantly the past two years. Honestly, just because they only had one blasted term left until their seventh year, didn't mean he'd magically matured. Just as the thought left her mind, a bird swiped at her bag, which transformed into an obnoxious yellow color with pink writing that read "Please, Potter! snog me senseless!" Yep, Lily thought, definitely hasn't matured. With a few more quickly aimed counter-curses, the last of the birds disappeared, Leaving Lily panting astride the table, with a shrunken pink top and extremely inappropriate tight white trousers. Lily knew this moment would set the tone for the rest of the year so instead of cursing at him and walking away, her eyes found his at the end of table and she walked to him, a glare on her face.

Since the beginning of his admission into Hogwarts James Potter and his band of merry men had made it a personal mission to terrorize the population on campus. And ever since Lily had made it her mission to one day flog him senseless for it. It was bad enough when he pulled pranks on his own, such as turning professor Binn's, head of slytherin, hair crimson for the upcoming slytherin-Gryffendor match or the time enchanted candies started a conga line in the great hall, but when those marauder's of his became involved the tricks became bloody inspired. One year, Sirius and James actually managed to bewitch eleven first years into professing their undying devotion to professor Slughorn. Sadly, Slughorn didn't have the mind to realize the girls were being affected until one stared de-robeing. To this day Slughorn is oblivious to the potion, instead blaming the incident on his irresistible charm and devastating looks.

Lily had to admit that her first four years she found their pranks quite funny. Only a git wouldn't realize the marauders were brilliant if not slightly demented. In her third year Lily had even befriended the first year female marauder, Ella, after sitting next to the girl in muggle studies. However, her rosy opinion of the group changed when their ringleader, James, set his sites on her in year four. Since then Potter had made it his personal mission to embarrass Lily in every way possible. The bloke even had the stones to pretend it was all because, "he fancied her endlessly." Since the only words she frequently spoke to him were "arsehole", "prat" and "git," Lily highly doubted that was the case. In reality, she knew, James just liked having a laugh at her expense and used his dating ruse to further humiliate her.

Lily knew this even further to be true because of the reputation Potter held. Half of the girls in the school drooled endlessly over him. And he had already snogged the other half. She heard it all the time, "James Potter is bloody gorgeous." But honestly, Lily failed to see the appeal. Sure, she fancied the way his black hair stuck up in every direction. And his blue eyes and confident smile did occasionally light up a room. And he did fill out that quidditch uniform quite nicely. But bloody gorgeous? Lily thought his genuine disregard for embarrassing people made him about as attractive as a garden gnome.

She shook these thoughts out of her head as she continued to walk down the length of the table until she towered over the marauders. At least, Remus and Peter had the mind to look somewhat mollified. Sirius was too busy pointing and laughing while James now calmly looked up at her with that infuriating smirk on his face. Lily was so furious she saw spots. No thinking, no hesitation, she raised her wand pointed it straight at Potter and thought _" Excelsipsempra."_ Lily watched in a detached sort of way as Potter's eyes widened at the tip of her wand and then ejected out of his seat. As if a rope was pulling him, he soared straight toward the ceiling of the great hall until he planted firmly in a spot of air at the top. The entire hall burst into ferocious laughing while pointing at James, now anchored to the ceiling by the seat of his pants stare down at them. Slightly satisfied, Lily jumped off the table and stormed to the lavatory to fix her robes.


	2. Pranks

I don't own nada. Except certain make-believe characters and the plot.

" _Excelsipsempra." Lily watched in a detached sort of way as Potter's eyes widened at the tip of her wand and then ejected out of his seat. Slightly satisfied, Lily jumped off the table and stormed to the lavatory to fix her robes. _

"Ougfh." James hit the ceiling of the great hall with a thud. Laughter was erupting from all around him. He could especially make out his best mate, Sirius howling from 100 feet under him. _Bloody hell_, he knew Evans was going to be a bit out of sorts after that prank, but banishing him to the ceiling? And where in Merlin's knickers were the professors during that gross display? "_Probably laughing their arses off, that's where_," James thought. He smiled at that thought. It was probably some sort of poetic justice that someone finally managed a prank him somewhat to marauder caliber. And he should have known it would be Evans. But honestly, he never saw _that_ coming.

The girl was _bloody brilliant_-he stopped and looked down-_bloody hostile_ as well. James kept looking from his perched spot in the air. The laughter was dying and he saw professor Dumbledore retrieving his wand. Any second and he'd have to face the masses. Good thing he had no shame or else he may have been a bit red in the face for that one. Especially since the anchor she used to zoom him into the air had been the top of his knickers. Yeah, bloody brilliant _and_ hostile.

He knew Evans was a firecracker. He'd seen her flog more than one bully who picked on her old-friend Severus. And Ella was always saying how she kept a right nasty opinion on old Voldy. But it wasn't until their fourth year that he'd seen her temper in action.

They'd all been on a hogsmeade trip at the time. It was right around this time that the fourth years had gone hormone crazy. Everyone rushed to get dates for the trip, most likely because of some muggle holiday called Valentomes Day. Or was it Valentine? Either way, James himself had no clue why, but he invited a fellow Gryffendor, named Daphne Jordan to accompany him. Daphne, who he found out afterward, was mates with Lily had told him she would be delighted to if she could bring along her friend. James had no objection and even decided to invite a dateless Sirius along for the trip.

When they met up outside the castle James was shocked to see how grown up the pintsize redhead they had met on their first train ride had gotten. He was also shocked to see how Sirius seemed to notice as well. The four of them had a good time at Zonkos and even stopped by that dreaded teashop for a drink.

However, it wasn't really until their butter beer at the three broomsticks that they got to all chat. They each took turns talking about their favorite Quidditch players and the size of Professor Beery's ears. The more Lily talked, the more he found himself intrigued by her. Soon he barley listened to what his date was saying and found himself in a heated argument with Evans on which member of The Weird Sisters were, in fact, the weirdest. She ended up getting so upset with him she slammed her fist on the table declared that he had "a head full of nargles for brains" and abruptly left.

James was so stunned that he didn't even realize both Sirius and Daphne had gone to the bar to refill their butter beers. When they returned Daphne looked at his face and chuckled. "Yeah" she said. "She has that effect on a lot of people."

"BLOODY HELL! She confunded him too!" he heard his mate yell. "JAMES? ARE YOU IN THERE? If you're not can I have your cleensweep? Nod if it's a yes"

James focused and realized that during his daydream he had been let down by Dumbledore, who obviously thought James had learned his lesson.  
"Sirius?" James asked.

"Yeah mate, nod once. I'll take right care of your broom."

" You're a git," James replied.

Sirius chuckled, "I'm a broomless git." The two boys laughed and joined their other three friends for breakfast.

James saw the scowl on Ella's face as soon as he sat. He smiled. "Oh common Ella, the whole school knows that Evans loves this dance we do."

Ella's face took on a look of disbelieving. "She just cursed you! And she's _never_ done that before!"

"ah, sweet Ella that just means she's finally gone and fallen in love with James is all," Sirius added helpfully.

James sighed, no one understood this need he had to push her buttons, hell if he was honest with himself, even he didn't understand it."It's not about love Padfoot, it's about pranks." They all gave him one fleeting disbelieving look before turning back to their breakfast.

_Or at least i think it is,_ James thought.

* * *

After changing her clothes to not resemble a trollop, Lily made her way to her first class of the term, potions. This spring term she shared the class with a number of fellow Gryffendors and a few Ravenclaw. Fortunately, Daphne was one of the Gryffendors she'd get to be with. Unfortunately, so was James Potter.

Lily sighed and entered the class. When she took her seat next to Daphne, the girl looked at her expectantly. "I go to the owlery for two minutes and you can't stay out of trouble," Daphne playfully scolded.

"Is it true you used the Flagrate curse to burn a picture of a three-headed dog on his chest?"

Lily laughed, "No, it was a picture of hippogriff."

Daphne smiled, "hmm, that makes much more sense." The girls giggled for a minute and then burst into laughter when the boy in question entered the room with Sirius Black.

Potter met Lily's eyes briefly and immediately changed directions her way. Lily found it quite comical actually, how Sirius walked a total of three paces before he realized Potter wasn't following him to the desk across the room. He turned around, now following James, while grumbling something that sounded like, "yeah, bloody pranks," under his breath. With a smirk on his face James plopped in the seat directly behind Lily and Sirius took the one adjacent to him.

Lily heard Sirius whisper something that sounded like, "honestly mate, denial is not just a river in Egypt."

Also hushed, Potter replied, "Nope, it's also the first stage in the grief process."

Slughorn's lesson started smoothly. He seemed to genuinely like Lily, always referring to her as the "brightest witch of her time." And to Lily's chagrin he even complemented Potter on that "great use of charms and transfiguration in this morning's prank."

Potter smirked and Lily swore she heard three girls in the room sigh dreamily. "Thanks professor," he said, "I couldn't have done it without Evans." She rolled her eyes and clenched her jaw from doing something stupid. Like calling him a self-centered prat who couldn't counter-curse his way out of a broom closet.

"Mmm. Right. Ms. Evans, always said she was the brightest witch of her year," Professor Slughorn replied. His smile turned a bit wobbly and he went on to add, "Today she obviously proved me right."

The class chuckled and went on undisturbed until Slughorn announced that this year they'd have assigned partners for lab work. Everyone grumbled but clearly had no choice in the matter.

The pairings started off predictably, one Ravenclaw and one Gryffenor to each team. Soon though the few Ravenclaws in the class ran out. Daphne, Lily, Sirius, Jordan Coote, Rose Riley and James remained. Daphne was paired with Coote and Riley was paired with Sirius, leaving James and Lily together. Lily cringed when professor Slughorn remarked that they'd pair nicely together proven by their teamwork this morning.

When all of the pariings were announced, James moved into Daphne's vacated seat. "Wotcher, Evans," he smirked. She scowled, "Potter." "I suppose your still brassed off about this morning," he asked.

"Sod off Potter," She lazily replied.

He was quiet a moment before he cheekily said, "Well you shouldn't be, you looked great in that white. I didn't even see any panty lines," he chuckled, "does that mean you don't wear any?"

Lily's cheeks heated a bit but she continued to ignore him

"I'm glad you don't."

She looked sharply at him.

"No, NO!" he clarified, "I meant I didn't even think that through. I didn't think the white would be _that_ see through or…" He paused trying to find the right word and Lily saw a strange look cross his face, "…or _that_ tight."

Lily continued to ignore him, marveling that this may be the longest conversation they had since that day in hogsmeade. "Don't worry though, you er… well you looked fit, that is, I meant you didn't look dumb, despite being attacked and err… well you know."

She smiled, despite herself. His rambling really was charming. And his hair at the moment was literally standing in every direction. He certainly looked harmless. And for once, he was acting…well, civil. Despite his current behavior, Lily mentally shook herself. She knew better, his pranks and malicious bullying couldn't be covered by one hour of semi-awkward banter. Instead of playing into his puppy dog act, she decided to get control of the situation.

"Listen, Potter, this isn't an interview for the Witch Weekly, lets just get through this, no need to talk."

In an instant his confidence and charm were back. He winked at her picked up the parchment and said, "I knew you just liked me for my body."


	3. Git

I dont own H/P.

In an instant his confidence and charm were back. He winked at her picked up the parchment and said, "I knew you just liked me for my body."

Sirius was no git. Elladora Dillonsby was avoiding him. The real problem was he had no idea why. Ella was an honorary member of the marauders and two years younger than the rest of the boys. Honestly, she should still be acting like that wide-eyed first year that threw a wicked left hook at Sirius when he fed her a dogs-breath flavored Berties bean.

Sirius still remembered how his face split open and even after three "episkys" burned for hours, not to mention the bruise he had. He had been so impressed by her callousness about the whole situation. He literally cursed her sideways after the punch, hanging her upside down with a _wingardium leviosa_. As she hung there, her long dark hair nearly touching the floor, Sirius remembered studying her face.

She had tanned skin with a smattering of freckles across her nose and cheeks. Her eyes were entirely too big and too blue for her face. And he had noticed before she ate the bean that her teeth rivaled the size of a horse's. The most startling thing Sirius noticed was her expression, which was absolutely void of fear.

She just stared, daring him to do something, with one eyebrow slightly raised.  
"Well?" He said heatedly.

She continued to stare. "Yes? How can I help you dung-brains?"

Sirius was literally stunned. She had just opened his face up over a poor tasting jellybean! He could feel the blood drip down his face, clouding his right eye. Yet, her calm, self-entitled demeanor remained, breaking Sirius's patience in half.

"Have you bleeding lost your mind? You have to be barmy!" It was almost comical how she crossed her arms, while hanging, and had a look of contemplation on her face.

She studied him, a wisdom hung in her eyes far past that of a 12 year old. Her eyes glanced upward, studying every inch of his robes until they settled back on his eyes. She smirked and finally said, Let me guess...you're a nancy third year who likes to pick on weaker blokes because you're insecure..." The insult stung Sirius, but she continued on. "Your family disowned you because you're too weak to be what they want and you pretend your fine with that, but you'll never be as good or as happy as you want to be." Sirius had to fight his jaw dropping at her insight and still, she continued. "So instead you pretend like your king of the castle, you tease, torture and prank, pretending that its all ace and that nothing touches you when really you're just as miserable as the rest of us."

Sirius lost his battle and let his jaw drop. He started at the small child incredulously, wondering if she was a prophet. He suddenly felt very vulnerable around the girl, like he was standing in his knickers in the middle of the pitch. Slowly he asked, "how, how did you know that?"

Her eyes stayed narrowed for an instant and then her tanned face lit up into a massive smile. She chuckled, "Don't look so gob smacked Ace, you're names on your robes. And unlike your daff ass, I read the prophet."

Just like that, Sirius was taken with the kid. He had turned her right side up and declared that she was even more Trouble than all the marauders combined. He took her to their compartment and from that day on she was nicknamed "Trouble" and became one of Sirius's best friends.

Sirius's smile from remembering the story instantly melted. Why was she avoiding him? These past few years as mates had been ace, which coincidently, is the nickname Ella had given him. Sirius had no idea why her knickers were suddenly in a bunch… well okay, maybe he did. The last time they'd been on good terms had been before Christmas break. But honestly was all this over that rubbish?

* * *

Sirius had been on his way back from a Quidditch practice when he'd heard her voice on the second floor corridor. He sped up trying to catch up with her when he'd heard another voice; Arkie Phillcott. Arkie was a Ravenclaw in Sirius's year and although they hadn't been close, he knew him to be a likable bloke with unbeatable quidditch skills and a father who had season tickets to Puddlemere United. Sirius smiled to himself, _that was his Trouble always making invaluable friends._

Just before he rounded the corner he heard Arkie say to her, "so Trouble, huh? Why do they call you that?"

She chuckled and said, "_they_ don't, only Sirius does."

Sirius stopped at the mention of his name, wondering why Arkie's voice sounded so strange.

"What's with you two", Arkie questioned, "do you..er… fancy each other?"

Sirius held back the strangled laughter at that idea. _Bollocks_. Him and Trouble were like best friends, He didn't think of her like that. _EVER_. "Nope," She didn't sound as surprised by the question. In fact- _shite_, Sirius thought. _Why does she sound disappointed?_ _Does she fancy me? Bloody Hell! I knew girls as friends would never work, honestly what was I thinking! Granit she was ten at the time but I should have_-

"I'm like his sister or something," She said, loud enough to interrupt Sirius's mental turmoil.

Sirius heard shuffling and a quick giggle and then heard Arkie say, "Sod him, cause you're not _my_ sister."

Sirius had heard enough. This prick was going to make her uncomfortable and Trouble would turn him down like all of the others before him. Leaving Sirius to pick up the pieces of their broken heart, or just kick them in their arse on the way out.

As he turned the corner, Sirius stopped dead cold. His eyes widened and his stomach clenched and dropped. In front of him, was _Trouble_, literally and figuratively. And she wasn't the same little first year that had cleaned his clock. Ella had Arkie pushed against the stone wall of the corridor. Both their robes were on the ground, leaving arkie in a black shirt and her in a camisole. Sirius watched, stunned as she initiated, fueled and was completely aggressive with the kiss. He noticed how her entire body was pressed against the boy. Her hips occasionally swiveling while she ran her hands up and down Arkie's chest. Arkie's hands, in comparison, were in places Sirius was not happy about. They were running along her hips occasionally going to her back. And just as Sirius reminded himself that this was none of his business, Arkie's hands dropped to Ella's arse and slightly squeezed.

Just as when Ella's cool demeanor made his snap that day on the train, Sirius once again lost it.

He marched over to the pair, pulled Ella off Arkie, heard her yell "Ace, Naff off you hypocr-"and swiftly punched the Ravenclaw, knocking him out cold.

He turned to face a wild-eyed Trouble, and instantly was cursed with a bat bogey hex. While trying to defend himself from the mental boegies attacking him, he caught a glimpse of her marching toward the common room.

* * *

_Bollocks_. Sirius thought about their interactions afterward. The next morning they had left for home and hadn't sat in the same compartment on the express. And then all of winter break she'd been on holiday to Egypt so they didn't keep in touch much. And now that he thought about it, her responses to his page-long letters about their antics at the potter house were usually three to ten words.

But no, it'd been two weeks since they'd come back this term and he'd been with Trouble plenty of times! _Right_? There was the first morning she ate breakfast with them. But _shite_, she barely spoke and did scowl a lot. And then the two nights last week they spent doing divination homework in the common room.

He'd ask if she wanted to go to the kitchens and she'd said something that made him laugh.

_Christ_, what was it?...

..."I'd rather shag a basilisk," she'd coldly said.

_"...Bloody hell. I am a git,"_ Sirius thought.


	4. Black

I dont own H/P... enjoy and review (since this is my first FF and i could use feedback).

_she'd said something that made him laugh. Christ, what was it? "I'd rather shag a basilisk," she'd coldly said. "Bloody hell. I am a git," Sirius thought.  
_

Sirius Black was a bloody hypocrite. In their past four years of friendship, Ella had caught _him_ snogging countless girls in broom cupboards, on the pitch and in the prefects compartment on the train. _Bloody hell_, one time she even caught the fool and Violet Dodge practically shagging on Mcgonagall's desk! But did _Ella_ ever loose her cool? _NO_. She never punched the slags he messed about with. _Despite maybe wanting to_. _Hell_, she was even _polite_ to his flavor of the weeks. _Well_, polite for _her_ standard. And what did he do the second she finally started to follow his example? Knock Arkie cold on his arse! Did the git still think she was a wide-eyed ten year old? _Honestly_, Ella had grown up quite nicely in the past few years.

Her large, indigo eyes now fit nicely into her tanned face. And despite desperately wanting to cut it all off at a point in her third year, her chocolate hair still waved to her shoulder blades. Her "horseteeh" as Ace loved to call them were still large, but in a nice way that lit up her face. And she'd grown practically a foot since her first day at Hogwarts, she was now as long and lean as those muggle girls who walked down those planks for designers.

And whatsmore was plenty of boys had noticed! She'd started hearing them talk about her at the beginning of third year. A few had even told her they'd fancied her and followed her around like puppies. But that only lasted until they realized how wild she was. Ella was reckless, she'd been told it all her life. But after growing up with four older brothers, who'd all went to Drumstrang, she was allowed to be a tad mental. Ella figured being polite and proper was overrated anyway. Though as she grew, she found not many people shared her opinion. It was one of the reasons her and Ace had connected to so quickly. They were both fearless, spoke their minds and found false pretenses unnecessary.

Up until a month before Christmas break, Ella had actually convinced herself that she'd be out of luck to find _anyone_ she'd felt more connected to than Sirius, let alone a proper boyfriend So instead of becoming a young spinster, she decided to mess around a bit with the boys of Hogwarts. Just enjoy them, since she knew she'd find no one here that could handle her antics. For a moment, she had worried she'd leave the boys gutted but she quickly amended that thought. It was only a bit of fun. _Besides, Sirius does it all the time_, she had reminded herself.

It was this train of thought that motivated Ella, the night before break. After weeks of harmless flirting and bantering with Arkie Philcott, a fun-loving bloke from Ravenclaw, to accept his invitation for a stroll around the castle. It was also these thoughts that motivated Ella, when Arkie's teasing had become serious and his voice turned husky, to have a bit of fun. She _knew_ it was proper for the boy to initiate a snog. But Ella never gave a dam about proper. Instead, she pushed him up against the corridor and fiercely kissed him.

She fancied the way his red hair tickled her face. His body was strong from quidditch and as she ran her hands up and down his chest, she could feel his muscles. _Bloody hell, he's fit from Quidditch, _she thought. _Are all Quidditch blokes this fit? Is Sirius this fit? Does he feel like this?_ Her train of thought surprised her and she was about to end the kiss when she felt Arkie's hands squeeze her bum. No longer distracted, She had smiled into the kiss. Ella thanked Merlin Arkie wasn't docile like that last bloke she'd snogged behind the Hogs Head. In fact, Arkie was sort of hot peice of a-

Suddenly, Ella was yanked in the opposite direction from Arkie's lips. She nearly landed on her arse, but managed to catch herself. After the confusion wore off, she realized Sirius stood in front of Arkie, who looked as confused as she was about the interruption. Ella turned momentarily red until she realized how furious Sirius looked. _Hell,_ he _really_ did think she was still ten.

"Ace, naff off you hypocrit-" And then Sirius's fist pulled back and connected with Arkie's face. The boy didn't even have time to look surprised. His head snapped back, cracking against the corridor, before he slumped down into a heap on the floor.

_BLEEDING ARROGANT HYPOCRYTE,_ Ella thought just as she retrieved her wand from her trousers and bat bogeyed him. A flash of surprise and then pain crossed his face. Slightly satisfied, she turned on her heel. Determined to ignore the sod until he rightly apologized to her _and_ Arkie.

* * *

At first, she'd thought he'd apologize straight away. But she'd been sadly wrong as he hadn't returned to the common room all night. Then, she figured he'd apologize the next day on the train. But he'd never even came to their compartment. When she had asked James where "the king of the gits" was he had just shrugged and mumbled something about Violet Dodge.

By the end of the train ride, she was shocked that he hadn't sought her out at all, not even to say goodbye. Her shock quickly wore into rage when she spotted him on the platform his arm around that Dodge slag. When he spotted her all he had done was smile, wave and turn toward the barrier.

Ella's anger grew throughout break. She hadn't received a single letter the first three weeks of break. It wasn't until week three, while on holiday in Egypt with her parents that two letters reached her.

One was from Arkie and one was from Ace. The apology or acknowledgment she had expected to find was not in that letter either. Instead, he'd wrote of turning the Potter's cat into a garden gnome and setting Remus's bed on fire. Even more infuriatingly, Sirius had signed the letter like all the others he had wrote during their friendship:

_**"yours, **_

_**Ace.**"_

Ella had huffed at that. That smarmy git wasn't her _anything_ at the moment. She had tucked the letter away and opened Arkie's next, trying not to cringe at what it might say. But instead of blaming her for getting knocked out or being lefted unconscious in the corridor, Arkie had made the whole thing a laugh.

**_Christ_ Dillonsby, I'd heard of your nickname but you _really_ are trouble. A bit of a snog and I'm practically brain-dead, drooling over you for hours. And even worse, that hit to head didn't knock any sense into me. My mates laughed for ages. They keep asking if i'll let Sirius cripple me next for a kiss on the check. I told them I just might.**

**Arkie**

His entire letter was exactly what she had needed. He'd made her laugh and shown that he really could roll with the punches, literally. Her response was just as clever and teasing, promising him all the trouble he could handle when the term begun. To Sirius's letter her response was short:

**Tell the marauders I miss them.**

**Ella**

Ella was disgusted that even after two weeks since their return to Hogwarts, Sirius still hadn't noticed or realized how pissed she was. If the git had any brains in him at all, he should have seen the signs. Like on the platform, when he picked her up and twirled her around, not noticing how she didn't hug him back. Or at the first breakfast when he referred to her as "sweet Ella," not noticing her scowl instantly deepen. He even had the stones to laugh when she told him to "sod off" time after time.

These past two weeks Ella had found herself spending less and less time with her beloved marauders and more time with Lily, Daphne and, surprisingly, Arkie. She knew the other marauders were aware of the tension between her and Sirius, but none of them knew the details. And they knew even better to stay out of it.

Ella couldn't help but think that maybe Ace didn't know her as well as she thought. Or maybe they didn't click anymore. _Did she build this friendship up in her head? _Was _she_ always the one putting in effort, making sure they stayed so close? She would always be the tag along ten year old to him. _He didn't care about her, he just found her amusing._ She suddenly felt gutted at that. _Bullocks_, she thought. _Sod him,_ if that duffer didn't care, then neither did she.

* * *

Sirius found her in the common room later that night. She was wrapped in a wool blanket, biting her lip, her hair spilling over the blanket onto her muggle studies book. _How do I bleeding apologize for something I did ages ago,_ Sirius agonized. _Well, best just go do it, after all, she'll forgive me straight away I'm sure._ Sirius trailed forward until he stood above her. Ella was alone on the couch and would have to be blind to not see him towering over her. Yet she made no move to acknowledge him. In fact, her eyes never left the page she was on.

All she said was, "no."

Sirius, who had just been about to apologize, stopped. _Was she confuned?_ Instead of asking that, Sirius just said, "err…what?"

She sighed deeply, closed her eyes and shut her book. Swiftly, she unwrapped herself from the wool and stood up. Sirius had been standing so close to the couch before that now they were practically face-to face.

She stared at him, for at least thirty seconds, or maybe it was an hour, Sirius wasn't sure. All he noticed was the emotion raging in her eyes. And he realized Ella was more than just brassed at him, she was _devastated_. And just as quickly as he saw the sadness, it was gone, replaced by a white-hot rage.

Her eyes narrowed and she once again said, "No."

But this time she went on, "No apologies, or smiles or pretending you suddenly care. You're behavior has said enough." Ella pushed past Sirius toward the girl's stairway. He managed to recover from the harshness of her words and caught her arm before she got far. "Trouble, wait."

She stopped, looked down at his hand on her arm, and looked back toward him. "I'm not _you're_ trouble anymore."

Sirius once again felt his stomach clench and drop. _What did that mean? They were mates! The best of mates! hell, she was practically his shadow ! She couldn't let this misunderstanding end years of that! _The thought pissed him off_. Was she mental! _

"Are you mental!" Sirius yelled, "We've been friends for ages! Stop being ridiculous, you're completely overreacting. It wasn't even a big de-" "let me go…_Black_.," She said coldly, with malice in her tone.

He was shocked. Ella had never once used his last name, let alone used it with such cruelty. He was always Ace to her. "Ace pass the pumpkin juice," "Ace go scrape poor James's heart off the bottom of Lily's shoe," or, "You're a bleeding cheeky bastard Ace!" And she knew how much he hated his legacy, hated being referred to by his last name. Sirius _couldn't_ believe it. Ella was_ serious_. She was ending their relationship. "_Just like my mum and dad"_, he thought idly. From that thought, his anger flared and turned sour. "_Who does she think she is! The only reason she has friends is __**me!**__ I mean... i introduced her. I don't need her... just like I don't need my parents."_

Sirius let go of her arm and said, "fine," before calmly walking away.

Ella watched him walk away from her. Noticing how tight his walk and body were. He was _furious_. She was glad that the confrontation was over. She was glad that from now on only those who wanted to would be her mates. But most of all, she was glad he didn't turn around and see the lines of tears trailing down her face.


	5. Weeks

i dont own/ HP! review! review! this is my first FF

_She was glad that from now on only those who wanted to be would be her mates. But most of all, she was glad he hadn't turned around and seen the lines of tears falling down her face._

The second term was flying by and Lily had never been happier. She wasn't studying for O.W.L.S like the fifth years currently were or going mental about the N.E.W.T.S, like the seventh years. No, sixth year was blinding fantastic. She genuinely liked all of her classes and was especially pleased to be receiving top marks in Defense against the Dark Arts. However, there was one dark smudge to her otherwise pleasant term, James Potter. One would think that with all the extra time they now spent bickering and bantering over how to chop onion root, he would drop his ridiculous dating ruse. But of course, Potter ever the unpredictable git, had instead increased his ostentatious shows of affection. At least once every fortnight, Potter managed to broadcast to the Hogwarts population his affection for her or more accurately _her _affection for him.

In their fourth week, he'd somehow managed to sneak into her dormitory and enchant her knickers to loudly sing his name. Lily had made it to the portrait hole wearing a pair, before the wailing started. Even worse, _his_ voice was the one doing the singing, so it literally sounded like Potter was _in_ her pants. _Bloody git._ Ella and Daphne had laughed at that one for ages.

For week six he had hung a large magically_ altered_ picture of the two of them in the Gryffendor common room. The picture, which _was altered_, as Lily vehemently insisted_,_ featured the two of them in a passionate kiss. Her legs were wrapped around his waist, and his hands tangled in her hair. She had to admit that in the photo Potter looked immensely into the snog. And every few seconds, the Lily in the picture would turn to wink at the real Lily, while Potter would trail kisses down her neck. The picture had turned the real Lily such a shade of pink, that she wasn't sure many people believed her vehemence in it's falsity.

The following week, during potions, James had asked if she believed "art imitated life?" Instead of flogging him she decided to try a new approach.

"You know what I find funny, Potter?" She had asked.

"the size of Professor Beery's ears?" he countered.

She stopped for a minute, remembering their first conversation in Hogsmeade.

"You _remember_ that?"

James smiled, an honest sweet smile, "I remember _everything_ you say."

She cleared her throat, suddenly uncomfortable with this non-teasing James. "Well, uh, right…you claim to fancy me and all that rubbish-"

His eye's widened "You don't believe m-?" "-But all I ever see you do is embarrass _me. _Aren't declarations supposed to embarrass the one who…err…fancies the other?"

His eyes widened even more and he raised his voice, "Are you daft, I'm in-"

"and that's another thing," she'd nonchalantly interrupted. "Yelling _am i daft_ doesn't help your case. _If_ you fancied me you wouldn't be snogging half of the school or making me feel like a bloody idiot every other week."

His eyes narrowed and his smirk returned, "Is that a challenge dear Lily?"

_hook, line and sinker_, she thought. "No, it's a question, Potter."

"Do you think I'm afraid to embarrass myself?"

"Well I-"

"You want a declaration, Red? I'll give you a declaration."

She heard the determination in his voice, and decided to ignore the bizarre nickname. "No, that's not what-" She started but was interrupted by "What's your favorite color?"

Lily blinked, confused by his train of thought. "Sorry, my favorite what?"

"Common Evans, those things that you're eyes see?"

Lily went to tell him that her favorite color was purple, as she always had whenever the question was asked. But instead she turned and looked at him, a bit puzzled why he wondered. Then she looked into his eyes and without another thought said, "blue, with gold flecks." Thankfully, Potter was too daft to notice Lily's dismay at her answer. _green with gold flecks? That's it. I should be admitted to St. Mungos. I'm mental._

James just smiled wickedly, "Im going to prove you wrong Lily."

She smiled inwardly. _Finally_! _A break from his pranks,_ she thought, before returning to the potion in front of her.

* * *

By the eighth week of the term, Lily had already forgotten the conversation with Potter. She was in the Great hall for breakfast, trying to calm a pissed Ella, who was convinced the only way to survive being on the Quidditch team with Sirius was murder, when she'd seen them. There were three of them, all first year boys, painted blue from head to toe. On their chests were glowing gold words, that Lily didn't understand. They eventually stood in front of her, in a line, and the words formed a sentence.

"**James. Loves. Lily."**

Her eyes widened and she turned to look at the boy on the opposite end of the table. Potter caught her eye and nodded once. Then, with a quick, self-conscious smile and turned away to continue speaking to Sirius. Lily didn't know how to react. On one hand, these past few weeks she had realized she didn't hate Potter. In fact, she strangely admired how loyal he had been to both Sirius and Ella during their argument. But the second she started to think this way, thoughts of his former bullying came to mind. She saw countless flashes of James following, taunting and even hanging upside down, her ex best-mate Severus. Lily sighed and suddenly felt sick to her stomach.

Severus Snape, her oldest friend, besides Tuni, had never returned to Hogwarts at the beginning of this year. And if she was painfully honest with herself, she knew exactly why, or more accurately who. Sev had fallen in with a bad crowd. But Lily found that as no excuse. It took far more than a bad crowd to follow a murder and call him a "lord." Lily had tried to warn him, she'd even tried to spend extra time with Sev. to keep him from joining the slytherin ranks. But at the end of her fifth year she had realized he was too far gone.

During a particularly nasty fight with Potter, Sev had "slipped" and called her a mud blood. He later profusely apologized, but the damage was done. When Lily had asked him if he still planned to join the death eaters he didn't deny it. And their friendship ended. In truth, Potter had started the argument that ended her friendship. But she knew that Sev's obsession with the Dark arts was what truly ended it.

Lily shook her head, coming back to the world around her. Yeah, she no longer hated Potter and she knew this was a big step in deflating his head. But _honestly_? Was it _really necessary_ to humiliate these poor boys? At the moment, their skin was such a putrid blue; they resembled boegies instead of first years. Lily scowled, and told Ella and Daphne she'd speak to them later. Neither girl responded, opting for instead staring at the triplets, open-mouthed. Lily roller her eyes and forced the boys out of the hall, toward the lavatory to clean them up.

Ella hadn't moved, breathed or had a single coherent thought since the boys entered the hall. As Lily walked away she turned to Daphne. "Did…did James just-"

Daphne who didn't look quite as dazed, chuckled, "aye, I believe the git did. Took him long enough."

The two girls looked at each other again and then faced the spot where James sat. His eyes were now glued to his breakfast, as if it was the most important meal of his life. However, the food sat untouched, instead he just stared at it, trying to ignore the hushed silence that had fallen upon the hall.

* * *

Lily hadn't spoken much to James after his declaration. She probably figured he'd deserved to stew and stay embarrassed. He was sure she was doing this to help "deflate his head" as she liked to say. _Or_ maybe she was repulsed by the sight of him, _who bloody knew_. James didn't much bring it up in potions either. In truth he felt relief, finally realizing and admitting how he felt. He hadn't known how much he cared what she thought until that particular day in potions. She had acted as if all those times, when he clearly thought he made his feelings known, were just for the hell of it-

_Well, _James admitted that it _started_ off that way. That and his inexplicable need to see her reaction. She was just _so_ bloody unpredictable. It was one of the things he loved about Ev…-Lily. _That_ was another thing he had decided that day. She wasn't a mate on the pitch, and James realized that calling the girl he fancied by her last name was a bit bizarre. Maybe one day she'd even let him call her by the nickname he secretly afforded her; Red- in reference to that hair and temper of hers.

-Anyways, it was that day, when she had made it clear she thought he just fancied embarrassing her, that he himself realized it. _"I'm in bloody love with you!"_ he had almost shouted. _Merlin's underpants._ Arguing with her _would_ be the way he found out. After all, it was arguing with her that started this whole thing.

After their conversation, James was determined to make her believe him, even if he had to make a fool of himself to do so.

He'd been so excited after his realization that the second his mates had entered the common room he'd beamed, "I'm in love with Lily." Sirius had just shouldered past him, and grumbled, _"__bloody prats in love,"_ on his way to their room.

Remus looked apologetic at James and sighed, "Sorry, we found him outside the great hall, arguing with Ella." He stopped remembering what James had said and smiled weakly, "And that's great James, but we already knew that."

Peter nervously chuckled, "Yeah, Prongs, you've been..er…mad about her for ages…right?"

James, a little irritated that he may have been last to know, lost his smile and just nodded at the smallest marauder. "I'll go talk to Padfoot," James said, before turning and climbing the stairs to their room.

* * *

It was the tenth week of the term and Lily was sitting at breakfast talking to Daphne, Ella and a charming red-head named Arkie Philcott. Lily didn't know much about the boy, besides his talent for quidditch and his tendency to flirt with anything that moved.

"-nd honestly, the bloke just stares at me! It's like he's figuring out how to best dismember me or something." Arkie shivered at that idea and continued, "It's a bit ominous. Could you ask him to stop love?" he directed to Ella.

Lily noticed the girl stiffen at the question and remembered how poor her relationship with Sirius had become as of late. Trying to help, Lily smiled at Arkie, "Actually, I was just headed over to speak to Potter on a potions assignment, I could tell Black for you."

Arkie smiled back, gave her a little wink and said, "thank Evans, you're a limb-saver."

Before she left, Lily notice Ella release the breath she'd been holding. She mouthed "thank you" to Lily and turned back to the conversation at the table.

Lily, who in reality had no reason to talk to Potter, walked over to where the boys sat. She had been meaning to scold Sirius for his immaturity and felt that the present was as good of time as any. On her walk toward their end of the table, her irritation spiked and she had to stifle and eye roll. Milda Pempsra and Violet Dodge were each nestled on either side of Black and Potter. Sirius looked quite comfortable with the fingernail Dodge was running up and down his arm.

To Potter's credit he looked slightly uncomfortable, until Milda reached her hand up and ran her fingers through his wild hair. Lily was sure he was about to start purring and that _she_ was about to curse that slag's fingers out of socket.

Shaking away that irrational thought, Lily finally approached the group. Sirius was on the opposite side of the table, facing her. She stood directly behind James, who hadn't sensed her presence behind him.

Sirius's eys lit up with laughter as he focused on Lily. "Wotcher Evans!"

James's entire body stiffened, "that's not funny mate,"

Before Sirius could say anything, Lily replied, "All right Black?" James immediately shrugged off Milda and slowly turned to face her, cringing, looking like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar. _A slaggy cookie jar_..._James loves Lily, my arse,_ she thought.

Sirius replied to her question, with a bit of a harsher tone. "never better, got all the _mates_ I need right here." She eyed the two girls, "Yes, they look _quite_ friendly."

"Ya' jealous Evans? You want to be the one running your digits through my mate's hair?" Sirius asked?

She knew he was challenging her. No doubt he'd seen the flash of jealousy in her eyes when she'd came to the table. _Well, no need to lie._

Instead, she smiled, somewhat wickedly, "Well," she supplied, as she raked her eyes up and down James's body until she stopped at the tips of his cobalt hair. "He does have _quite_ nice hair."

Potter looked marginally happier and quickly reacted, "Lily lets go talk out in the hall, away from-"

Lily dismissed him before he could say anymore, "I'm not here for _you_, Potter."

He shared an equally confused look with Sirius. Remus, always polite asked, "how can we help you Lily."

She smiled, realizing how long it had been since they'd spoke. They used to share their prefect duties last term, but this semester he'd been matched up with a pretty hufflepuff and she's been partnered with Ernie Collindor, a sixth year slytherin. She suddenly missed their talks, and confidences.

Smiling she responded, "Hullo Remus! Arkie Phillcott is over there telling that either Sirius keeps threatening dismemberment with his eyes or really likes Arkie's outfit today. He asked me to say something."

Sirius's eyes narrowed and he loudly asked, "Did she refuse to come tell me?"

"err…what? Who?"

"Trou-…Dillsonby," Sirius continued, "the git clearly wouldn't have asked _you._ The whole school knows you barley tolerate James, so he must have asked _her_. What, was she afraid to admit her nancy-boy couldn't handle a little eye contact?"

Lily paused at that, wondering if honesty or kindness was in order. Then she remembered the enchanted flock of birds and unleashed her frustration.

"_Honestly_, Sirius. You _really_ are an arrogant, no good prat. And when will you realize that it's time to grow up? Ella's not your tag-along, in fact, she _never_ has been. I'm surprised this hall has enough space to fit _your_ ego! Ella has grown up and quite nicely at that. Did you expect her to never like a bloke? Or to never snog? _Christ_, You were the biggest slag in school at that age! And _so what_ if you think of her as a sister. Her brother's don't knock ever bloke she brings home out cold. _You_ should know, you were one of them! Pull your head out of your arse and salvage what's left of your friendship." At that, Lily turned and marched away, loudly muttering, "_honestly_, I'd expect better from a first year."

Prongs, Wormtail and Mooney turned toward Sirius. James looking speculative, Remus looking scornful and Peter looked….well, Peter looked just confused.

James was gob smacked, confused and well, if he was _quite_ honest a bit turned on. Lily Evans had just ripped his best mate apart and he had never wanted to ask her out _more_. _Had she honestly just said that?_ Half of her speech was cryptic, but he understood something about Sirius being a whore and Ella being fit. James didn't like the way those two notions fit together. And after their incessant arguing during last quidditch practice, James had had enough.

"Alright mate. My fiery red-head just made your "harmless argument" sound quite incriminating. It's time to tell us what's going on."

"well…" Sirius started. "What happened Sirius?" Remus kindly asked. Peter added, "Yeah. What did you do?"

"Its not important. We're just not friends anymore. And _I_ didn't do _anything_ wrong" Sirius remarked.

"Mate listen, Ella isn't mental. She wouldn't have just ended your friendship over nothing. _What. happened_?"

Sirius sighed, " I found her snogging Arkie Philcott in a corridor. She was barley dressed! And her hips….they were, well, moving. The blokes hands were all over her… I just, lost it."

James was putting together the pieces in his head. Ella's sudden interest in hanging with Lily, Daphne and that group of ravenclaw blokes, Sirius's foul mood any time someone mentioned her or any fourth year's snogging. and that one time two weeks ago Sirius had asked if "Arkie Phillcott was a desirable guy." _Bloody hell,_ James had thought Sirius was having a laugh. He had practically given him a list of the bloke's credentials. Saying how gifted a chaser he was and how girls seemed as enamored with him as they were with Sirius. And _Shite_. James was pretty positive he made some joke about, "Arkie pilfering all Sirius's women if he wasn't careful." In hindsight, _not_ funny, but _surprisingly_ accurate. _Hm._

Sirius continued, unaware of James's thoughts,

"I mean, you guys understand. She's like our sister! And she's so _young_. She shouldn't know how to do _that_ with her hips!"

Remus nodded, sympathetically. "Yeah, we _are_ close, but I guess I don't see her like that. I think I'd just have a laugh or leave if I saw that."

Sirius looked sharply at him. "_have a laugh_?" he asked.

He shrugged and looked at James who also shrugged with a smirk.

"_Common, _mate_._ Lily's right. Ella's grown _quite_ nicely. I think she's bloody gorgeous."

Sirius looked sharply as James, making Prongs feel it necessary to clarify, "But no worries mate, the whole school knows my heart belongs to a certain redhead."

"Yeah, but you _have_ snogged half of the school," Wormtail supplied helpfully.

"_Allegedly_ snogged!" James defended. "and, _Christ_ Wormy, only the _female_ half!" They laughed, but Sirius didn't even manage a smile.

"Padfoot, go apologize to her, the sooner the better, or else you'll look like a _real_ git. Girls need to know you care, if you wait too long she'll _**never**_ forgive you." Sirius's eyes narrowed at that. Abruptly, he stood up and stormed out of the hall.

"_What_?" James innocently asked. He turned toward Remus and Peter, "_what did I say_?"

* * *

**I accidentally put James' eyes as green with gold flecks. My mistake, they are, in fact, blue with gold flecks.**

**Happy Reading.**


	6. Ace

**I dont own anything except for my characters i made up. review review**

**The previous and current chapters jump around a lot in weeks. Sirius and Ella are both currently in week 10, but they are recalling the events happened from the past few weeks. I promise the story will start happening in only the present soon!**

* * *

"_What?" James innocently asked. He turned toward Remus and Peter, "what did I say?"_

(week 10)

Sirius's life was ace, _bad word choice,_ his life was- _bleeding_ fantastic. He had mates that loved him, top marks in all his classes and his pick of girls from the Hogwartz population. _Plus_ he'd been free of his elitist mum and dad for almost a year. Yep, Sirius was finally becoming the wizard he'd wanted to be. _Well_, there _had_ been that whole falling out thing with Dillonsby. It had been ten weeks, two days and eleven hours since Dillonsby had ended their friendship. And _honestly_, Sirius had never been happier. He wasn't counting the days or anything, _nope_. He was laughing with his true friends, snogging Dodge like a wildman and playing quidditch more aggressively than ever.

Did it _bother_ him that she was practically shagging with that flirt Phillcott? _Not at all._ After all, she had to fill that lonely void Sirius had left with _someone._ Why not the incredibly handsome, brilliant chaser, who, according to Lindsey Pervich, was, "the best snogger of their time?" _Made complete sense to Sirius._ She _obviously_ just missed him.

Did it _bother_ him that somehow Prongs and Evans now got along better than him and his former mate? Nope, _good for them_. In fact, there had only been a handful of times that him and Dillonsby had even interacted. _Sure_, those times had been full of anger, longing and snide remarks, but she had said some unkind things as well! Sirius cringed a bit, remembering one particularly nasty argument they had outside of the great hall. It had been the seventh week into the term, and one of the loneliest weeks Sirius had had in years.

(Week 7- flashback)

The separation from Ella had started taking it's toll on him. However, it…er didn't occur the way he thought it would. When she'd ended the friendship, Sirius was gutted. If he was completely honest with himself, he _did_ figure she'd realize she acted hastily and apologize straight away. And Sirius _knew_ the second she'd come back to him he'd forgive all. He was stubborn, but those past five weeks of separation had made him realize how much he wanted her in his life. _As a friend._

_Just a friend. _Sirius wasn't sure, if he'd gone mental over night, but that entire seventh week something changed for him. Clicked, like a light switch coming on. The time spent away from Ella made him realize how grown she truly was, how different. It also made him feel the least connected he had ever felt from her. In his mind, she became a different person from the freckled wide-eyed girl who'd punched him. And apparently, Sirius's subconscious fancied this person.

The entire seventh week, he would catch himself, staring at her. For some _bloody unbeknownst_ reason Sirius kept finding himself gazing at her long hair, or the exposed skin between her trousers and blouse. A couple of times, on the pitch and in the corridor, Sirius had mistaken her for another. During these times, he'd see her long limber body, the slowly curve of her hips, and those exotic eyes. It would take him a minute or…five to come back to his head and even realize that it was Ella.

One time, on Wednesday, when she had stood fifty feet in front of Sirius, he had found himself checking out her arse. _Bloody hell!, _he had thought_. What a nice bum! _When she had turned slightly, showing Sirius the profile of her face, he realized it was Ella. _When did her arse change into that! Has she always looked like that? Bleeding hell, LOOK AWAY!_ But despite his inner voice Sirius couldn't unglue his eyes the entire walk to DADA.

Thursday night of the seventh week, the most disturbing thing of all happened. Sirius started dreaming of her. It wasn't the first dream Sirius had ever had of his friend. In his past ones they had gone to concerts or played quidditch and even once had jinxed Jame's hair blue. But Sirius was fairly certain that she had never been licking frosting off his fingers, and rubbing her hips against him, in his past dreams. In fact, Sirius was positive he had never dreamt her to look so _bloody_… grown up? …_shite_, Sirius admitted, his dream-Ella was _frighteningly_ gorgeous.

Her eyes were exotic against her tanned skin and her hair looked like a long curtain of chocolate silk. Bizzarely, in the dream, Sirius found himself most taken by his dream-Ella's freckles. The small brown dots smattered across her nose and cheeks, a few trailed down her neck onto her collarbone. And Sirius found he had never wanted _anything_ more than to kiss each one. And as the dream progressed, he did, delicately and determinedly. Once he started kissing the dots on her, he couldn't stop himself, and for the life of him he had no desire to do so. She gasped and splayed her fingers throughout Sirius's hair, as he practically licked her collarbone. _Bloody hell_, she tastes like peppermint. And as her fingers moved in a rhythmic pattern throughout his black shaggy hair, her hips did as well. Back and forth, forward and back a little, causing Sirius to audibly groan.

And when he had found the last of her freckles hiding on the lobe of her ear, She leaned in and whispered his name; "Ace." Sirius sighed contently, feeling more at home than he had in ages. Trouble _was_ that for him, he realized. Trouble was _home_. Once more she stretched up to whisper in his ear, but this time her voice was lower and felt like a bucket of cold water. "-"-ate, it's time to wake up."

Sirius awoke with a start. He sprang forward and his forehead collided with something hard. "BLOODY HELL! Are you trying to send me to mungos?" James snapped at him, while rubbing his own head.

Sirius groaned, "What were you doing leaning over me? you know I think you're pretty but-"

"_Honestly_, Sirius," James scolded. I was just trying to wake you. I know you…er hate today so I let you sleep in a bit."

"and you also thought you'd wake me with a jolly morning head butt?" Sirius asked. "And what are you talking about, _what_ day?"

James blinked, paused for a second and then adopted a wicked grin. "Oh right then" James said with a wink. "Ignorance _is_ bliss, I get it."

Sirius, still confused just shrugged, and stifled the urge to pull the covers over his head to sleep more.

_BLOODY FUCKING HELL!_ His dream. Sirius couldn't believe his subconscious had done this to him. He felt like he had just snogged Jame's great aunt. This was _wrong_. He shouldn't have been thinking, touching or…or, _Merlin_, kissing her that way. _Staring_ at her was one thing, but imagining practically _shagging_ her! _Merlins pants_! Sirius thought of how her hips felt against him. Her height definitely gave her an advantage in th- _what the hell am I thinking._ Sirius practically ripped out his own hair. _Don't think about her hips, don't think about her hips, _Sirius mentally chanted throughout getting dressed and the walk to the great hall.

The task became immensely easier the moment James and Sirius had walked into the great hall.

Oh, _bollix! fucking _hell_! "_Not_ today_!"

James looked surprised at his reaction, "I thought you knew? I warned you earlier."

"You did _not_ tell me _this_! I would have hidden in the restricted section all day if you had."

James chuckled and rolled his eyes. "it's just some muggle holiday, don't be daft."

Sirius still looked terrified, "its _VALENTONES_ day, _Christ,_ do you not remember how barmy these females get? Remember when Riley burned you last year, with that enchanted snog-o-gram? Or Tila Jenson nearly making me her love slave with those chocolate frogs she dosed? This is the _bloody worst_ holiday in the _world_."

James chuckled at Sirius's dismay, realizing that this was the most animated he'd seen his mate all term.

* * *

By the end of the day, Sirius felt low. Not only had he almost been tricked into taking four love potions, he'd also already had to endure the songfest during breakfast _and_ lunch. _Honestly, where were the bloody teachers? _ As he sat at the table for dinner, Sirius seriously considered skipping the meal and hiding in the library. At least then he wouldn't have to see Longbottom and Alice snuggling or Milda and Corey Raphen trying to swallow each other's tongues. And _Merlin's pants! _Here came Violet Dodge _again_ to drop hints on what holiday it was and shower him with snogs and chocolate frogs. Honestly, as if he couldn't tell it was Valentomes day from the obnoxious shade of pink throughout the hall. And Sirius would rather shag a hippogriff than touch _any_ food a girl gave him today.

Just as Dodge sat down, he caught the sight of Arkie toward the left end of the table, talking closely to Dillonsby. She was listening intently, occasionally looking a slight bored but chuckling at whatever the git was whispering to her. When she did the latter, a proud smile would show on the prat's face. Dillonsby nodded at something Arkie said and then slowly Arkie leaned in and met her lips, tangling his hands in her brown hair.

To Sirius's dismay she parted her lips for the git, but awkwardly left her hands at her side. _bloody hell NOT in public!_

Sirius sprang to his feet. Shaking off the finger Dodge had been stroking up and down his bicep.

"Siri hunny what are yo-" Sirius cut her off with one loud shout, "Oi! DILLONSBY! PUT SOME BLOODY ICE ON IT."

As if she'd ben expecting it, Ella had pulled back from the kiss, stood, and walked directly to Sirius with narrowed eyes. Sirius felt a small victory when he looked past her to find a pouting Arkie. She stood a foot away from him, and pivoted in place. Harshly slapping her hair across his face.

" Watch it Dillo-"

Just as loudly as he had, she shouted across the great hall. "Right then, how many of you have snogged Sirius Black in this very hall?"

Sirius's eyebrows shot into his hair. _Merlin's knickers_!

About Twenty hands went up making Sirius realize two things. The first was that he felt _just a bit_ smug, and chuckled at that. The second was that this may land Sirius in the hospital wing as multiple boys in the great hall were glaring heatedly between Sirius and their girlfriends, who currently had their hands raised into the air.

Ella nodded to the crowd, "Cheers! Glad that's settled!" Without even looking back at Sirius she marched over to Arkie, pulled him to his feet and fiercely kissed him.

Sirius felt furious, but he also noticed in a detached sort of way, how similar his dream-Ella kissed to _this_ Ella. Her hands were splayed throughout Arkie's hair, just as hers were in Sirius's last night and subconsciously she rolled her hips to a rhythm.

And Sirius realized as she was kissing that git, that he no longer saw her as that younger sister, or tag-along. She was just a girl, who he missed desperately. _And had inappropriate dreams about._ Sirius grumbled at that, _Those Bloody hips._

After thoroughly kissing the red-headed bloke. Ella turned and left the hall. But Sirius wasn't ready to let it go. He sprinted after her, catching her arm just outside of the doors.

"So is that what this is then? You're trying to out-whore me?"

She scowled, "Of _course_ not!"

"Then _what_ did that prove?"

He could tell she was frustrated by the way her left eyebrow kept raising. Sirius was pleased he still remembered that and for a moment felt closer to her. Until she yelled, "IT PROVED YOU'RE A HYPOCRITE!..."

She closed her eyes and sighed. "Just let me _go_ Ace, I don't want to do this right now."

A stab of pain laced throughout him at the unintentional use of his old nickname. "Ella, _please_, just talk to me."

She didn't say anything but she turned to face him and quit struggling to free her arm of his grasp.

He asked again calmly, "What does being with Phillcott _prove_? Are you _trying_ to drive me mental?"

Ella shook her head and laughed harshly. "_You_? Being with Ark has nothing to do with _you_. _Hes_ a good bloke. and _he_ doesn't mind that I'm no longer ten. In fact, I think he _quite_ benefits from my age. "

He had heard something in her voice, something he couldn't place. To her ears it was false bravado, to Sirius' it was- "Do…_christ_, do you _love_ him?"

"Why do you suddenly care Sirius? Afraid I might shag him?"

The thought hadn't even crossed his mind, but as soon as she implanted the idea, Sirius couldn't get the picture of _Phillcott_ kissing those freckles out of his head.

Furious, he yelled, " THAT WILL _NOT_ HAPPEN!"

Ella's eyes narrowed and harshly she replied, "Why not Sirius? Afraid I'll beat _your_ number? _What_ was it? _One_?"

Sirius heated at her casual reveal of such a deep secret. His notorious dating history was _well_ known throughout Hogwarts, and _true_ he had snogged all those girls with raised hands. But his family's reputation had worried him too much to put a girl in danger for anything more than quick-infatuation. He'd heard once when his favorite cousin, Andromeda, had fallen for a non-pureblood, their family had almost ended the boy. Sirius refused to take that risk. In fact, the only time he had gone further was last spring when Pamela Rodkin and himself were both pissed off firewhiskey. In truth, he barely remembered it.

Sirius had nothing worthwhile to say. His defenses immediately went up, pettily replying, "You don't want to shag him! He'd be bloody terrible!.. Like a blind-"

"STOP! Stop telling me _what_ I want or _who_ I am. You obviously don't even _know_ me!" She paused, trying to control her rage... "How could you go _weeks_, _WEEKS_, without realizing I was upset?"

Sirius was speechless, desperately wondering the same thing himself.

Ellas searched his face, looking for something and quietly said, "_right_. I think I'll shag _whoever_ I want. It's not like I'm waiting around for _you_ to-"

"Sirius! Sirius!" Peter called as he ran into the corridor, followed by Remus.

Remus looked apologetically at either of them. "Sorry to interrupt. We're going back to the room,we'll meet you back there-"

"No," Ella interjected. "We're done here." And stormed off.

* * *

(Week 10)

Yea, Sirius's life was Ace- or great or _whatever_. _Bloody fannnnntastic_. James was in _love with a loony. (Evans had practically ripped him to shreds yesterday at dinner and what a great mate James was, to just laugh and painfully point out Sirius's biggest mistake with Ella.) _

_Dillonsby_ was in love, _about to bloody shag a complete git._ Even Remus fancied that blonde hufflepuff he did prefect rounds with, d_espite being terrified to get close to anyone due to his "furry little problem."_ And _Sirius_? Sirius had Violet Dodge on occasion. And practically every night, which Sirius found himself looking forward to, he had his very own Ella Dillonsby in his dreams. And he found that to be _Ace_.

* * *

(Week 10)

Sirius Black was acting strange. And that was saying _something_ since Ella barely talked to the bloke.

For the past few weeks, she'd catch him staring at her. _Probably trying to see if he could spot her virginity disappearing._ Ella cringed a bit at that. Their fight outside the hall had been particularly nasty. And she may have fudged _some_ details on her and Arkie's relationship.

If it could be called a relationship. In truth, they laughed and snogged and teased but nothing of matter was ever spoken about. And the bloke had never asked her to be exclusive. Sometimes, when she'd do something wild or bizarre he'd give her a judgmental look and just awkwardly chuckle. But, _it was fun_. Which _was_ the whole reason she started it in the first place. _Or was that Sirius?_

She sighed, thinking how much she missed his antics or the way he'd genuinely smile as the strange things she'd do. She hadn't been called Trouble in ages, and she desperately missed the affection behind the word. _But_ Sirius would never treat her as an equal. Or not think of her as _just_ a girl without cringing. No, she would always be the little helpless sister to him. He didn't respect her at all.

_It was best this way_, she kept reminding herself. Best for her _personally_ at least. Quidditch practices had been….rough.

The first few after their row were the easy enough. Her position as beater, and his as keeper kept interaction on the pitch to a minimum. But every few practices, he'd yell to her or James to "wake her arse up," or "do her bloody job and watch the bludger." Yea. At those moments that _last_ place she wanted to be hitting the bludger was _away_ from him. But out of the spirit of teamwork, and perhaps because she _did_ like him without brain damage, Ella refrained.

However, it was easy to notice how the two's row had affected the collectivity of the team. The whole team was just..slightly _off_. They moved out of sync, dropped easy passes and missed easy shots. James had repeatedly scolded that they were "playing with their heads stuck up their arses." And Ella couldn't help but feel responsible for that. Unless her and Sirius figured out how to co-exsist on the team they may cost Gryffendor their shot at the Quidditch Cup. They were already in the lead, but one slip or out of sync play in next weeks game, and victory could easily slip through their fingers.

And in the eighth week of the term, Sirius dropped his cold indifference and started acting strange towards Ella. He started staring at her on and off the pitch, for some bloody unbeknownst reason. She would feel his eyes on her as she was circling around for the bludger and then he would let though a shot or practically fall off his broom to save one in the knick of time.

At these moments Ella couldn't help but wonder _why the bloody hell he was staring at her! Did she have something on her face? Did he miss her_. She sincerely hopped it was the latter, but found the former more likely.

She had even asked Lily for advice on how to best get him to stop acting so terribly. Lily suggested talking to him. Ella suggested murder.

Thankfully, Sirius's behavior _did_ mellow out in the following weeks. This week was the tenth week of the term and Ella found his behavior strange, but less intense than she had previously.

Whenever Ella would talk to the marauders in his presence, she would feel his eyes staring at her not saying a word. Strangely, Ella missed the old "Sirius-like" comments he had made previous to this change. Despite their fight, he used to take time whenever she was around to slightly tease her.

He used to say things like, "Are you planning to broadcast my snogging history to the prophet next?" or "Is Phillcott still afraid of a little eye contact?"

But since that seventh week in the term, when she had mislead him about her plans to shag Arkie, (which were entirely nonexistent), he hadn't made one playful or slightly nasty comment in her presence.

Instead, he just stared at her a lot. Which Ella just ignored trying not to let it drive her mental.


	7. Bludger

**More Sirius and Ella for now because, for Lily and james, it takes time to evolve from "you're an arrogant toerag" to "lets be friends". Happy Reading!**

* * *

_Instead, he just stared at her a lot. Which Ella just ignored trying not to let it drive her mental. _

_I can't believe it's already week eleven_, Ella mused, as she walked towards the pitch. It seemed as if the term was flying. Soon, Easter Holls would be here! Ella headed into the dressing room toward her locker of gear. She passed Elijah Wood, who had already dressed, and quickly surveyed the room to find that only Sirius was left.

She muttered the locker code, "Kinky Kneazles," and frowned, remembering that it was Sirius who'd came up with the passcode. Shaking away that thought, Ella stripped off her trousers and slipped into her favorite pair of cream quidditch britches, with worn leather patches on the knees. She had just stripped off her shirt and turned toward her forgotten bag on the ground, when she spotted a startled Sirius on the other side of the room.

His face was tight with a dumbfounded expression and slight outrage. "_WHAT_ are you doing?"

Ella was puzzled and looked down at herself. Her pants were on and fit snugly and the leather laces were tied in a haphazard knot, allowing the pants to hang low from her hips. She had just stripped off her blouse and her top half was only covered by a sports bra.

But _still_, this was how she'd changed between her school robes and quidditch gear for the past two years! What was the git talking about? "Err… getting suited for practice?"

" But.. But you're _practically_ nude!"

Ella chuckled at that. "No.. I'm not. I'm _practically_ in my gear."

Sirius's eyes bizarrely blazed at that, making him look desperate for something Ella was unsure of. His mouth opened a few times, only to shut again.

"Honestly, Sirius, you've seen me _completely_ bare before, what's your problem?"

He flinched and looked around, "I have not seen your bare _ANYTHING_!"

"so did I imagine us skinny dipping last summer on James's lake?"

Ella saw realization hit him and he cleared his throat to look away. "Right…er… no, right. I'll…see you on the pitch."

Puzzled, Ella shook her head and continued dressing. It wasn't until she entered the pitch, now fully dressed, that she put time into wondering about Sirius' reaction. They may not be best mates anymore but he'd already seen her parts before, while sprinting into the lake last July.

_True_, she hadn't been fully developed then. This year, she'd gotten a fuller bum and sloping hips, but still, why would he be acting so...so dismayed. And that heat she'd seen in his eyes. He looked like he was about to loose it.

Sirius had seen plenty of bodies! No doubt, of girls with far larger breasts and smaller waists. And although Ella's body was slightly more long-athletic and lacked a bit in the chest, she knew she had a pleasant body. Probably not the type of body Sirius fancied._ Bloody git_, was _that_ it? His eyes had nearly bulged out of his head when he'd seen her and he did look slightly outraged.

_Did the sight of her bare repulse him?_ He probably compared seeing her in such a state with seeing Peeves' wobbly bits . _What an arse_, still thinking of her as his little a-sexual sister!

The second she spotted him on the pitch Ella's eyes turned red. He looked truly traumatized. He was riding his broom in circles, muttering to himself. His eyes were wide and practically glazed over. Ella couldn't believe it. The sight of her bare had repulsed him _THAT_ much? He was _practically_ barmy! Ella became even more furious.

As James blew the whistle for the start of practice Sirius jumped, his eyes searching for her. When their eyes finally met, Sirius cringed. And with that cringe, Ella's self control snapped.

The bludger was released and Ella found no better outlet for her white-hot rage than to give one huge crack with her paddle right towards the source of it. Sirius hadn't even seen it coming. The bludger connected with his skull, sent him clear off his broom, catapulting onto the pitch and knocked him out cold.

Screams of dismay and outrage were heard from Ella's teammates. Still furious, but slightly worried she'd killed him, Ella dismounted and walked to him. She let out a breath as soon as she saw he was slightly awake, making a face of obvious pain. "ahh...oof," he was mumbling. His eyes were rapidly blinking open and shut, obviously in shock. And as Ella turned to leave, feeling increasingly guilty, she heard him weakly plea, "no..wait."

Those two words gutted Ella. And horrified, she looked down at her former best mate and then toward her beaters bat. She had practically dismembered him! What had she done? What had this fight done to her! Was she mental. She used to always threaten giving him a "good bludger to the head", but _honestly_! _How could she!_ Ella's large eye's which were now huge with her own shock, looked back to Sirius. He looked at her desperately obviously in pain. And Ella couldn't bare to look at him any more. As she turned to run off the pitch, she felt wetness on her face and realized that things had gone too far.

* * *

Later, while hidden third floor tapestry, Ella was _horrified_. This fight had ruined so many things; her best friendship, the dynamic of the marauders, her quidditch career, and now it had practically killed Sirius.

_That's it,_ Ella thought. _I've let this madness go on long enough._ It no longer mattered to Ella that Sirius had punched Arkie. Or that he had been too arrogant or stubborn to realize she was upset. This fight was ruining _everything_. And despite Ella's assurance that it would do nothing to bring back her and Sirius's old friendship, she was going to end it. No more arguing, no bad blood. It was _over_ and from now on they would peacefully co-exist, most likely by ignoring each other completely. Not friends but not…enemies.

Ella cringed at the word. Realizing that these past few months they may not have had a friendship but they had _something_; some type of quazi-relationship built upon them fighting for something. And Ella wasn't sure anymore what they were fighting for; whether it was to salvage their old friendship or simply because they were both being stubborn. Ella was sure that neither of them realized how ending a friendship should have gone. They should have ignored each other like normal ex-mates. Instead they were petty, jealous and rude. _Bloody hell_, Ella realized, _they had acted like a bad breakup_.

All that day, Ella stayed hidden in the secret room avoiding the fallout for as long as possible. At seven o'clock p.m. she'd received her first form of feedback came by way of owl. The owl carried a parcel filled with a certain cloak and a short note scrawled in James's writing:

**Hospital wing corridor. 9:00 p.m.**

As 9:00 rolled around Ella found herself invisibly making her way toward to wing. Her stomach was rolling and in knots and she couldn't help but wonder if she'd just be banned from quidditch or if James would personally curse her for nearly killing Sirius. As she reached the corridor, she stood, just outside the doors, unsure whether to enter or not. Her hand reached up to open the wooden entrance when he stepped out of the shadows.

"Wait," James said.

Ella jumped and nearly tripped over the cloak. "_Bloody hell_! How did you know I was here," she asked him while trying to slow her heart. Cautiously, she then turned to look at her friend and was instantly surprised to find a smirk on his handsome face. She had expected livid, hateful or even scolding. But a _smirk_? That had been the last expression she expected James to adopt.

"Lots of practice," He replied and then ceased to talk, instead just staring at her, as she emerged from beneath the invisibility cloak.

Instantly, her guilt overwhelmed her. "James, I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have done that. I'm terrible, _honestly_! And I know I'm off the team-"

"You're not off the team," he said.

"err..what?"

"the team… they think it was an accident. They saw how frantic you looked and that you…uh, were crying."

"Oh," was all Ella said as she became fascinated with the stone of the corridor. She hated showing weakness. All her life four older brothers had taught her to always be strong, or else others could exploit your weakness.

She expected James knew this of her because he let the subject drop.

"Listen," James said, with empathy in his voice. "I know this row has been rough on you both. Sirius likes to pretend he's fine but I haven't seen him smile in ages. And I always catch him looking at you. I know that you aren't so obvious about it, but you've got to be gutted if you love him-"

Suddenly, defensive Ella snapped, "I do NOT love him!"

James gave her a look and continued, "-like I love him."

Instantly, Ella felt foolish. "Oh… Right."

James continued again, " And I don't know what sets him off about you and Arkie but maybe if you just tone it down a bit you and Sirius could get back to normal."

Ella was shaking her head throughout this last part of his plea. "No, James. I refuse to placate him, when throughout our friendship, he has snogged loads of girls and never gave a dam what I thought of them."

"Ella, this is _Sirius_. Rational and fair are not two words he lives by. Just… just _please_, at least forgive him and try to make this right. We _all_ miss you terribly."

Ella smiled up at James and felt suddenly guiltier for putting all of them through this, the three other marauders had always been there for her. James was like an attractive older brother. Remus, a wise old friend and Peter never failed to make her laugh. "I've missed you all too. I didn't even think how this affected you. I'm Sorr-"

James stopped her with the raise of his hand. "Don't apologize Ella. You were right. We all took you a bit for granit. Sirius especially. We realize you're 15, nearly 16. Not so much younger any more. So just forget it and sit with us tomorrow at breakfast. _Alright_?" James asked, with a smile on his face and hope in his voice

_Dam,_ Ella thought. _Lily really was going to fall in love with this git._ "Yea. See you at breakfast. I'll talk to Sirius tomorrow, when he's released."

As she turned, James stepped in front of her. "Ah, see there is a catch to this meeting of the minds. We all love you and miss you terribly, but you _did_ almost kill our best mate. And if your row with Sirius taught you _anything_ it's that it's best to apologize straight away. So, go on," James nodded to the large double doors of the Hospital wing. "No time like the present!"

Ella paused, suddenly stricken with anxiety. "NO! James…I'll go tomorrow. He's _sleeping_... He _needs_ to rest... He doesn't _want_ to see me... He _hates_ me!"

"Don't be daft, he's been asking for you for hours," James supplied as he practically pushed her through the doors.

Ella stopped at that, wondering why he had been asking for her? Did he want to repay the favor? Or did he just want to yell at her endlessly?

She was about to find out as she walked shakily toward the only curtain that was closed around a bed. When she got to the curtain Ella frantically thought, _should I knock or something? _then looked wildly around for some hard surface to knock on. There was nothing. So instead Ella just slipped past the curtain ready to face the firing squad.

Sirius was wide-awake. He had a bandage awkwardly rapped around his head and a bottle of Skele-grow on the bed table. Ella cringed at that. Painful stuff.

He smiled when she entered and Ella's heart nearly crumbled at the thought that she had done this to him.

For a moment neither of them spoke. Sirius just stared at her, looking her up and down the smile on his face spreading into a smirk. Ella was the most uncomfortable she had been since she got stuck under that enchanted mistletoe with Professor Slughorn last Christmas.

"You came," was all Sirius said.

"Yea. I'm here."

"I missed you." Ella stopped at that. _Christ_, she _had_ given him brain damage!

"Sirius, I'm So Sor-" She started as he interrupted her with- "I miss you _everyday_, I'm sick of not talking, or pretending we don't mean anything to each other. You mean so much to me. I've been such a bloody git. _Honestly_, I'm surprised you haven't hospitalized me earlier. I'm…I'm sorry."

Ella was stunned. She had not expected an apology, something Sirius had told her on many occasions was painful for him to do. Ella also hadn't expected his tone or for him to admit how much he truly cared. In fact, Ella could never remember a time when he had said anything with such compassion. Instead he'd say in a teasing tone, "aw you know how much I love you Trouble," or just smile at her and call her his "best mate." She had come to his bed ready to gravel or promise to check herself into the psychiatric ward of St. Mungos and _he_ had just taken the words from her mouth. _Dam these male marauders, _Ella thought_, Never predictable._

"Are you _sure_, you're not just brain damaged?" She _had_ to ask, it was all just too strange.

Sirius chuckled and looked affectionately at her, "Well, you've always said I was a bit numb in the head, so I'm not sure of my mental stability. But I'm serious about the apology and my being a prat," he said as he grabbed her hand and pulled her closer, "I want to be together" Sirius looked a bit shocked at his own phrasing and coughed a but before amending, "_together_, as best mates."

Ella stopped for a moment, when he had been talking there had been _something_, something strange in his eyes. And the way he'd phrased "being together." _Was he…Did he_? Ella stopped herself before the thought could form. He just _missed_ her. He didn't _fancy_ her. That was _ridiculous_.

Without another worry, Ella smiled and threw herself in his arms, nestling on the bed beside him.

She chuckled, " I came here and beg your forgiveness and to apologize for this row. Who knew a bludger to the head was all you needed to stop being a git."

Ella felt his arms wrapped around his stiffen at that and instantly thought he might push her off the bed. Instead he said, "about _that_…"

"Sirius, I'm so sorry! I must have been mental. I could have killed you!"

He smiled, "Yes. And it did _hurt_. But I meant the reason you did it. The _thing_ in the changing room."

Ella remembered the stricken look on his face and couldn't stop herself from feeling a bit angry. "Oh _that_, you mean when you nearly threw up your breakfast on the changing room floor at the sight of me."

Quietly he said, "that's not what it was. I've just realized some things is all. In fact, I realized a lot laid up in this wing. But before, I was just… a bit shocked. And you know you're fit so don't be daft."

She smiled, "Wow, Ace. you sure do now how to complement and insult a girl at the same time."

He chuckled and Ella felt herself relax in his arms. After laying around a bit speaking about nothing in particular, Ella untangled her self from him. "I better be off. Lily has probably dropped off loads of homework I got for skipping my lessons today."

He studied her face and smiled, "I'll see you at breakfast?"

She nodded and left the wing. Feeling the lightest she had in ages.

* * *

The next morning, as Sirius was released from the hospital wing, promising the nurse to, "Keep his head away from flying objects" He was pleased to find James waiting outside the wing. "All right, Padfoot?"

Sirius smiled, "All is well, Prongs. My head is in one piece again, Ella has forgiven me and this week is Easter Holls!" Sirius replied.

"When do you leave for the train?" he asked James.

"After breakfast. Are you sure you don't want to come? You've always come home for holls."

Sirius shook his head, sure that this was the tenth time James had asked him this. "I told you, I've got loads of DADA and I'm dead set on finding another hidden passage for the map. I heard Dumbledoor mention something about the statue of Gunhilda of Gorsemoor the other day. It'd be excellent find."

James raised his eyebrow not buying his mate's excuse. "and the fact that Ella's parents are in Cyro and she'll be staying here is just pure coincidence?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "We've just made up. It _would_ be nice to solidify things a bit. But honestly, I've had this planned for weeks."

James shrugged, "Alright," and curiously added, "so, What did you say to her to make her want to behead you?"

Sirius wasn't sure he wanted to tell James the truth. His mate wasn't daft and would probably put Sirius's jealousy with his drooling over Ella into a nicely fit explanation. And although Sirius had admitted it to himself last night, he wasn't ready to admit it to anyone else.

So instead he shrugged, "I asked if her brothers had been informed on her plans to shag Arkie. And hinted that i'd be happy to do the favor."

James shuddered at the thought. "They would have annihilated the bloke."

Sirius smiled, suddenly liking the idea, "exactly."

When they enterrred the hall, Sirius smiled extremely thankful to find Ella sitting next to Remus and Peter. She was laughing which made her look _bloody gorgeous_ in Sirius's opinion. And thanks to his time spent in the hospital wing, he was no longer horrified by the thought.

After she'd bludgered him, he had seen the look of pure panic and regret on her despite practically drooling and being barely conscious he instantly wanted to comfort her. When he'd seen the tears roll down her face, he had tried his hardest to say anything at all that would help. Instead, garble and incoherent sounds came out.

Sirius had never seen Ella cry. And the sudden wave of protectivness that had sprung up at the wetness had changed a lot for Sirius. His whole stay in the hospital wing, Sirius had asked James to get her. James was confused and figured he only wanted to see her to flog or curse at her and refused point blank. It took hours for Sirius to convince his mate that his desperation to see her had everything to do with making her feel _better_ instead of worse. Sirius knew she'd be flogging herself enough already. The only way she would stop feeling so endlessly terrible is with his forgiveness. And Sirius was more than ready to forgive. When James had finally believed him, he retrieved their Maruader's Map and found Ella in the hidden corridor behind the tapestry.

It was at that moment, as James held the map and explained how virtually no-one would have found her without magic, that Sirius's feelings registered.

James had to practically sit on his friend to keep him in the hospital bed. And Sirius had never felt so upset with with Prongs. _He had to see her! He had to tell her it was okay. To tell her how much he missed her. To wrap her in his arms. To lean down in the hug and kiss her neck. to kiss away the dried tears on her cheeks. BLOODY HELL, _Sirius realized_, I'VE GONE MENTAL._

Sirius wanted her to be _his_. And not his best mate, or acquaintance or even his little sister. Sirius wanted her to be _his_ in the corridors, where he'd kiss her before lessons, or in the common room where he'd sit her on his lap and laugh at their friends antics. He wanted to take her to Hogesemede to stroll and shop while holding her hand. Sirius wanted to kiss her in the great hall, in broom closets and pushed up against corridors, in a way a brother would never kiss his sister. _Yea_, Sirius wanted her to be _his_ and most importantly _no one _else's.

And he realized that the weeks of confusion and turmoil over his inappropriate dreams had made these thoughts the absolute opposite of horrifying. Instead, these visions seemed necessary- completely normal.

And just as all of these realizations hit Sirius, so did another. _He could never have her._

Sirius knew that she didn't think of him in the same manor. She had watched his parade of girls and never once became as jealous as he had. He couldn't use the normal charm and playfulness he used to lure others, she'd already seen it and constantly called his bluff. In fact, Sirius was sure if he brought up the idea of the two of them she'd laugh in his face; painfully reject him.

And even worse, if anything were to ever develop between the two, his family would never tolerate it. His cousin was one thing but Sirius, heir to the Black legacy, would never be allowed to be such a "travesty." And Sirius couldn't put Ella at risk in that way. Ella may have two wizard parents, but her family wasn't "pureblood" by Sirius's family's standard. Her mother, Ronia, was an Egyptian muggle-born and Sirius's family would see _that_ as Ella's legacy.

So instead, Sirius decided, as he waited for 9 o'clock to roll around, for the sake of his pride and her life, to ignore his feelings. He would apologize, because he knew he still needed her in his life, in any capacity necessary. And he would try to stick as close as he could with the truth. There would be _enough_ lies to come, covering up these feelings. And _tonight_, Sirius just wanted some honesty.

Sirius shook his head, coming back to the world around him. Ella smiled at James and him as they sat at the table. Sirius sat beside her.

"Wotcher Sirius!" She said with a smirk on her face.

"Good to have you back Trouble. I was right tired of being the only one to jinx Prongs here."

James rolled his eyes, "Yes, those dung bombs Sirius set off in my trunk lacked your creative genius Ella."

Remus and Peter Chuckled, and James's eyes narrowed, "and you lot saw him do it and didn't give as much as a warning!"

"As I don't give a warning to the rest of the Hogwarts population when you prank," Remus chuckled, "I'd hate to spoil the fun."

"We helped you clean James!" Peter whined.

James shrugged and wickedly smiled at the female maurader, "Wait until you hear what we've planned for April Fools!"

Sirius's laughter exploded, "its absolutely ingenious. We deserve a medal, or at the very least a wing dedicated to us at the Ministry."

Ellas face lit up and she turned her smile toward Sirius, "Brilliant!" she exclaimed, as she nonchalantly squeezed his hand under the table, not noticing how Sirius's heart nearly stopped. _Bloody hell_, she wasn't going to make this easy.

* * *

**More J/L is on it's way. This is a more evolving year for James and Lily. So be patient!**

**review review review**


	8. Omens

**Happy Reading! Let me know what you think. Especially about Daphne's evolving character!**

* * *

_she nonchalantly squeezed his hand under the table, not noticing how Sirius's heart nearly hell, she wasn't going to make this easy. _

It was easter holls and Lily couldn't be happier for a break. She was excited to see her parents and sister and even excited for the annual "find the eggs" game her father loved to play. Lily knew that she'd miss her friends over break but felt slightly better knowing they'd promised to write. Even Potter, who she'd been considering more of a friend lately, had promised to send her daily letters. Lily still wasn't sure how she felt about _that_.

Ella, of course, had also agreed, promising to let her know how things with Sirius progressed. Lily was happy that the two friends had made up. She knew that Ella had missed him and, for a reason unbeknownst to her, loved being his mate.

Lily chuckled at that strange thought as Daphne and herself stepped onto the train for the week away from school.

"I just find it a bit strange is all.." Daphne was saying as the two girls searched for an empty compartment.

"There's nothing strange about it, Potter and I..."

"are _FRIENDS_! you no longer use the words git, insolent, or prat while referring to the aforementioned sixth year, therefore either you have indeed gone barmy or Alice and Frank are right!"

"_Honestly_, Daph. Give it a rest! I have not been imperioused."

The frizzy haired gryffendor scoffed at that, "no, no, not that. Frank and Alice are betting that Potter's finally convinced you to be his love slave."

"his _what_?"

"You know-" Daphne explained, "That you fancy him."

Lily stopped and turned toward her friend. "They're betting _that_!"

The girl nodded and her eyes turned upward as if she was reciting from memory, "20 galleons to the witch and/or wizard who guesses the correct date that Lily Delia Evans and James Henry Potter officiate their romantic relationship."

Lily groaned and closed her eyes, "Daphneeee... tell me you did not write the bloody contract for the bet!"

It was widely known that Daphne had sights on becoming legal counsel for wizards. She always complained how stuck in the old ways the wizarding world was._ Contracts placed on unbreakable vows and dusty parchment could easily be outwitted_, Daphne constantly reminded them. And after a heated debate with Cornilious Crouch in third year, no one ever again got her started on how unjust the Wizengamot's trials could be.

Daphne grinned. "Course I did. It has to be binding so I get my earnings when I win."

Her eyes widened and mouth dropped open, "YOU BET!"

Daphne smiled and shouldered pass her friends to continue down the hall, "honestly Lils, you act like this is the first time we've done this."

Lily stood for a moment, dumbfounded, "the first- _WHAT_?"

Daphne turned, and continued walking backwards down the hallway. "Don't worry! I slip half my winnings in your robe pockets. _Fair is fair_"

Lily shook her head and broke into laughter, "And to think, I believed you when you said the House elfs just liked me."

They continued on until Lily passed a compartment and heard firmiliar laughing. Curious, she turned and looked through the window of the compartment. Inside she saw Peter Pettigrew and James Potter levitating a second year's wand just out of reach. The boy, who barely reached five feet, was jumping up and down attempting to recapture the cherry-colored wand.

"Say you are deeply sorry for troubling us two dashing fellows" She heard James say.

The boy continued jumping, shooting glares at the black haired sixth year. "Give. It. Back." He managed in-between jumps.

Lily had seen enough. _This_ was the side to Potter that she couldn't stand and unlike his good friend Remus, she wasn't going to shake her head and allow him get away with it.

Lily opened the door of the compartment and said, in an impression of her mother's best "scolding voice," "_Honestly_, Potter. You couldn't find someone your own size to pick on?"

James whirled around, surprised at her voice. Then winked and cheekily said, "Its not the size that matters, Red."

Peter chuckled and Daphne, who had followed Lily into the compartment, also giggled. Lily ignored the innuendo and the inappropriate nickname. Instead snatched the wand from the air, returning it to it's owner, who squeaked a quick thank you and sprinted out the compartment.

Lily then turned an accusing eye to Potter. " We didn't start it!" he said defensively.

Her look turned disbelieving. "I'm _offended_ Lily, would I lie to you?"

Helpfully, Peter supplied, "Well there was that one time you-"

"Peter!" James barked.

Lily turned toward the slightly chubby boy, her eyebrows raising. "No, Peter, please continue."

Peter continued, not noticing James's glare or Lily's hidden hostility.

"the time you asked James if he had said anything to Ralf Corner to chase him off."

Lily's eyes widened, remembering how crushed she'd been when Corner had cooled their new relationship last fall. "Yes?" she asked, no longer hiding her hostility.

James must have heard the anger in her voice because he quickly shook his head and pleaded, "Honestly, Peter, I think that may have been _SOMEONE_ else. _Right_ mate? "

Poor Peter looked downright confused. "No, no…it was _you_. I was there when you told him!" Lily heard Daphne gasp and then start to giggle at the admission.

"Told. Him. What?" Lily asked, now shooting glares at Potter.

"about that tattoo of a Hungarian horntail you have on your back." Lily watched as James cringed and heard Daphne loudly laughing behind her.

"A _HUNGARIAN HORNTAIL_!" she practically shouted.

James's face was stuck between a cringe and a smirk, "_Honestly_, how was I supposed to know the bloke was deathly afraid of Dragons!"

"Well you saw his boggart in-"

"Peter!" James snapped and then sheepily looked toward Lily. "Okay, so I may have lied about _that_, but honestly that was _ages_ ago! We didn't start _this_ row. That second year jinxed Peter's bag strap to break.. all of his worldly possessions could have been destroyed!"

But James's plea fell on deaf ears because Lily was too furious to listen to a word further. He had _ended_ her relationship with a gorgeous seventh year who she had fancied all last year! No wonder Corner had cringed and practically run away when she'd suggested swimming in the lake. _JAMES BLOODY POTTER!_

Lily turned on her heel, hearing Potter yell out, "I'll write you!" and hearing Daphne mutter, "bollix, need to move up my bet," before slamming the compartment door closed.

* * *

Lily hadn't even been back a full day when she'd received her first letter. And to her own dismay, _Potter_ had sent it. She had been in her living room at the time, having tea with her mum and Dad. Tuni had opted out of meeting her at the station or seeing Lily at all the entire break. Instead, she had decided to stay the week at her new beau's flat. In truth, Lily had been a bit relieved to step off the platform and not see the brunette by her mother and father. Lily loved Tuni, but their relationship as of late had been increasingly worsening. Her parents both assured her Tuni would grow out of resenting Lily's magical abilities. But Lily wasn't so sure.

Lily's mother, Dianne- a florist, happened to always believe the best in people, no matter how far gone they might be. In fact, it was partly her mum's influence that motivated Lily to attempt to salvage Severus last fall. And Edgar, Lily's father, tended to be a bit strange but extremely loving, trustworthy and he spoiled Lily incessantly. His love for her magical stories had convinced Lily that his blood was the one tainted with magic.

As the tea ran cold, and Lily animatedly retold her parents of her semester, a white owl swooped through the open window. A piece of parchment landed on Lily's plate and the owl took perch on the top of the empty chair next to Edgar. Her parents, now familiar with wizarding correspondence were not disturbed by the sight. They both smiled and her father lazily fed the bird a cracker.

"Who's it from dear?" Dianne asked. Lily ripped the letter open and quickly rolled her eyes when she read the signature. "Just a friend from school mum."

Her father was the more perceptive of the two noticed her reaction. He smiled at her. "Ahh…is it from my favorite gentlemen caller, Mr. Potter?"

Lily's scowl deepened. For the past two years she had regaled her parents with tails of Potter's pranks and "shows of affection." And both adults never ceased to get tired of them. In fact, they usually hedged her for details on, "Potter's latest antics," as soon as she got off the train. Lily remembered a time, when he had originally set his sights on her, that her parents had been a bit horrified that _any_ bloke had taken a liking to their fourteen year old daughter. But as the years passed and they started to see Lily become a young woman they seemed to become as taken with Potter as he was with Lily. Her father especially, liked him.

"_Honestly_, Dad. Could you be _more_ excited?"

"The buggers got style!" he wistfully replied.

She chuckled thinking her father would be less inclined toward him if they met. " I doubt you'd be as smitten with him if you saw his looks Da." Edgars eyebrows raised and his mouth adopted a smirk frighteningly similar to James's.

"Ahh so hes a sex-god as well as a prank genious."

Lily just rolled her eyes at her parents chuckles and read the letter.

**It wasn't like I told the bloke the tattoo was sizeable or revolting. I just **_**may**_** have implied on its' life-like quality.**

**For the record, Hungarian Horntails are **_**my**_** favorite.**

**James**

As Lily crumpled the letter, the bird, sitting next to her father, hopped onto the table and pecked at her hand.

"Ow!" she exclaimed. Lily narrowed her eyes at the bird and then grumbled, grabbing a fresh piece of parchment for a response.

**Potter, please go drown yourself in a pensive**

**Evans**

The next few days passed as usual, Lily had received two letters from Ella. The first told of an adventure Sirius and her had gone on. But Lily noticed that many details had been ambiguous and scattered. The second letter had been even more strange. Ella had just mentioned playing exploding snaps with Arkie and studying in the common room. No mention of Sirius, which Lily figured wasn't good. After all, they had _just_ made up. And Ella had said they had planned to spend everyday together over break. Lily sighed and resigned herself to write Potter. As Lily searched for a fresh piece of parchment she eyed the stack of letters she had accumulated from Potter in the past three days. No doubt, his stack from her would be just as thick. Ever since Saturday, now three days past, they had been owling each other constantly. It had started with his taunting letter and her not-to-nice response and had grown into a discussion on the newest muggle movie, who had eaten the most vile Berties bean and what they planned to do after school. However, after his last letter which had contained a line of:

**I'm surprised you keep owling me. Does this mean you're ready to admit you're undying love for me?**

Lily hadn't responded, unsure what to say. So perhaps she was overreacting a bit on her fears of another Sirius-Ella row, but it was better than replying with, **"more like an incessant attraction"**

_Yes, this type of letter is much safer,_ Lily thought.

Lily asked James if Sirius had mentioned anything about a fight with Ella in his correspondence. And she mentioned that Ella's letters sounded strange. Then she attached the letter to her owl and shut her window.

Within an hour, Potter had written a short response.

**You may be right. His last letter was odd.**

His letter did nothing but worry Lily. Had Sirius done something mental again, like punch a boy who dared look at his "little sister"? She hoped Ella was okay. _Merlins beard, Sirius was such a git_. The fraud was probably still lecturing Ella on how inappropriate relationships were at her age. Lily laughed at that. At that age Sirius had probably shagged truckloads of girls. _Bloody Hypocrite_.

The next morning Lily woke to a tapping at her window. Sleepily, she rolled over figuring it was Potter's next letter and choosing to ignore it. The tapping become louder and frantic. Lily sighed, seeing that it was still early in the morning. She pulled the covers down and climbed out of bed expecting the snowy white owl on the sill. Lily's heart nearly stopped when she spotted the large black "emergency" owl outside her window holding a crimson envelope. The owls were known as "omens" because they were only used in emergencies and usually brought terrible news. Lily was only sure of two other occasions the birds had been used on a large scale . Once, when a girl named Myrtle had been murdered inside the castle and another time when Voldemort had begun murdering wizards.

Slowly, Lily made her way to the window and took the letter. The prophet had also been left, no doubt by her mail owl, on the sill and she brought both inside her room. Lily took three long breathes and opened the letter, quickly reading it's contents,

**HOGWARTS SCHOOL **

**of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRY**

**Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore  
(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock,  
Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)**

**Dear Ms. Evans,**

**Due to the horrific events that took place last night in Dratford, the remainder of Easter holiday will immediately be canceled. All students are to return to Hogwarts as soon as possible. Portkeys and apparation into Hogesmede will be arranged for any of those unable to make the Hogwarts Express. The train leaves tonight at 5:00 p.m. from Platform 9 & 3/4 at Kings Kross Station. Please travel accompanied and in caution in this dangerous time. **

**Yours Sincerely.**

**Headmaster,**

**Albus Dumbledore**

Lily's stomach dropped as she let the letter flutter to the floor and opened the prophet. On the front was a picture of a normal English house, with blue doors and green shutters. The top of the house and grass in the yard was lit by the signal that hovered above the house. Lily recognized the skull as the dark mark; Voldemort's personal calling card, and nearly puked. The title beneath the picture read:

**Ten Hogwarts students and families targeted by "He who must not be named"**

Frantically, Lily read the names recognizing two fellow sixth year prefects, a seventh and third year Ravenclaw, three Hufflepuffs, a first year Gryffendor, that Lily had helped with transfiguration on occasion and Milda Pempsra, the girl who Lily had nearly cursed for touching James. These names as well as the twenty-eight others listed, identified as family members of each of the students, were dead. Voldemort had slaughtered them all. The deaths had taken place not twenty miles from Lily's own home in Mill Town. And the most important detail, that Lily stared at for what seemed like hours, was that each and every one of the students were muggleborn. _Just like I am._ Immediately, Lily doubled over and violently puked the contents of her stomach.

James was the first to write her. She received his letter an hour after she had learned of the attack. His writing had been fierce and quickly scrawled across the page.

**I'm on my way. We'll go together. Wait.**

**J**

Lily had feared telling her parents the details would only frighten them. They were aware that a war was coming for wizards, but Lily wasn't sure they knew the full extent of danger they or she were in. In truth, there was nothing they could do to help and beside the three protection wards she placed on her house. So to keep them blissfully ignorant, Lily had kept the details of the attack vauge. Just telling them that something had happened and they were all wanted back at the castle. However, Lily had been so dazed she forgot to tell them she'd be traveling with James until she heard her doorbell ring two hours later.

* * *

James had been endlessly bored these past three days of Easter Holls. Despite keeping a steady flow of letters with Lily, James found he didn't know what to do with himself. Being an only child hadn't much affected him since he met Sirius. It seemed the two boys were always together. _At least they used to be_. James sighed. He _had_ noticed Sirius acting strange in his last letter. His mate had mentioned something about finding a new passage and "a bit _more_" with Ella Sunday night. James hadn't read much into it until he received Lily's letter. Afterward, James had realized that Sirius hadn't written him today, despite practically never going a day without speaking.

James decided to worry about it tomorrow, hoping his two mates hadn't gotten in another row. On his way to his room, James glanced at the clock. It was practically 2 a.m. Just as he was about to shut his door, James saw the door down the hall open and his father walk out, fully dressed. " Da, what's happened?" His father looked distracted and didn't hear him ask.

"Dad," James said loudly. His father's head snapped around, his wand at the ready. When he realized it was his son, Brock Potter relaxed, lowering his wand.

"James…there's been an attack, I have to go. Sleep with your wand tonight."

James's father was a retried auror, which meant that usually his days were spent drinking tea and working on projects around the manor. It didn't bode well that this attack had called in reinforcements as old as James's father. Worried, but unable to keep his eyes open, James made his way to his room and fell asleep. He didn't wake until 8 o'clock the next morning. His father was shaking him, tears in his eyes. And tiredly, James realized he hadn't seen his father cry since his mums funeral two years ago. His mum, had been elderly, even for wizarding standards. She had contracted a case of dragon pox and gone peacefully in her sleep. His father had been devastated by the loss, but in truth they had both expected it. James wasn't sure how much longer his father would last, but he was thankful for everyday they had. His parents both had been fantastic to him.

" Da?"

"James, wake up." James rubbed his eyes and sat up in his bed, focusing on his haggard looking father. "James…the attack last night, some of your classmates, muggleborns, and their families had, had been attacked. No one…no one survived."

At the word muggleborn, James's stomach had dropped instantly picturing Lily laying cold on some floor a dark mark above her house. His father, who wasn't aware of his feelings for the red-head didn't realize he had practically drove James mental at just the possibility of her death.

Shakily, James asked, "who?" His father read a list of names from memory. And with each succeeding name, James heart lifted. He had recognized some of the names, not really remembering their faces, but he had just been so happy to not hear _her's_. His father had named eight families when a name finally managed to hit James. "Pempsra" Shocked, he asked his father, "She's…she's dead?" His father just nodded and pulled James into a hug. After a moment, James shook away the shock.

"Is an Evans on the list?"

Brock shook his head "no" before hugging him once more and explaining that he had to get back to the scene and to expect an "omen" from the school shortly.

When James received the letter he immediately begun packing. And even though it was a terrible thought, James thanked Merlin Lily hadn't been one of the students murdered. Especially since Mill Town had been not twenty miles from Dartford, the site of the attack. As soon as he'd read the letter from Hogwarts James was certain that he wanted to go get Lily. _He had to see her. _So he quickly scrawled a letter to Dumbledore requesting a portkey to be set up in the park on Spinner's End, a place within walking distance from Lily's. James was certain portkey would be the safest for her. If Voldemort decided to make a second strike toward the school he would no doubt do it on the train. And Lily's muggleborn status would put her in great danger.

Dumbledore quickly replied reporting the description and time the portkey would be leaving. James then owled Lily, telling her he'd be coming to get her. And as James finished packing his trunks he realized that for the first time in a long time, James was scared.

The oncoming wizarding war had been something for their parent's generation to deal with. Besides mutterings around the castle on which of the Slytherin's had joined, nothing affected his friends or himself while safely tucked away at Hogwarts. And _now_? Now James wasn't sure his parents could win this war. In fact, James was positive that they wouldn't. And for some horrifying reason James was absolutely certain that this was _only_ the beginning.

* * *

James landed his broom outside her house a while later. Using a shrinking charm, he tucked the clean sweep in his pocket and made his way to the red door. His hair was no doubt windswept and he nervously straightened his jeans, white shirt and blue sweater, hoping he managed to look somewhat presentable.

He knocked the large wooden door and a tall red-headed man came to the door. The man, who James figured was Lily's father, was in his late 40's and had a pleasant look about him.

"Can I help you?" the man asked.

James's smile faltered a bit. _Had she not told her parents he was coming?_"Err…I'm here for Lily?"James heard himself phrase it as more of a question than statement.

Instantly, the man's face lit up into a smile. " ahh…you're James? Brilliant! Come in." James was a bit confused at the reaction but entered anyway.

He heard Lily shout from upstairs, "Sorrry! I'll be right-oof" and a series of muffled thuds echoed throughout the house. Obviously, she was a bit frazzled.

James looked back toward Mr. Evans. "I'm Edgar. I've been looking forward to meeting you. Lily didn't mention you'd be coming by today."

James felt slightly scrutinized. "Uhh…how'd you know who i-"

"your hair, of course!" the older man beamed. "Lily fancies your hair, she's always describing it for us."

James's eyes lit up, suddenly, "really?"

"Pay no mind to my husband," a petite 40-something brunette said as she walked into the room, "he's just desperate for a son-in-law who knows how to jinx someone's hair green." James's smile widened as he looked at Edgar, "told you about that, did she?"

However, it was Lily's mother that answered him. "oh, Lil's told us _all_ about you."

Her words hadn't held a disapproving tone but James couldn't help but feel slightly scolded. Before he could respond, Lily jumped down the stairs and James turned to greet at her.

She was wearing jeans and a white peasant blouse, her hair was in a messy side braid that had red pieces sticking in every direction. And after a moment of gawking at her, James noticed that she was also staring. He felt her eyes travel down his jeans and up to the windblown tips of his hair.

James heard Lily's father whisper something that sounded like, "told you," to her mother which made the woman roll her eys.

James decided all this staring was a bit awkward so instead he stepped forward and tightly wrapped his arms around her. "I'm glad you're okay," he whispered. She nodded and pulled out of the hug. "I'm glad you're here James." Then cleared her throat looking momentarily at her parents. "Well, we best be off."

They both said their goodbyes to Lily's parents. James received a hug from her mum and a quick wink accompanied by a handshake from Edgar.

He grabbed her satchel, which now contained her shrunken trunk and led her down the street. "There's a portkey waiting for us, at that playground on Spinner's End."

She stopped wondering, "How do you know about the playground?"

James smirked at her. "You told me once I was a bigger infant than all of the children from your neighborhood playground combined."

She laughed, amused how he could pick information about her past from a simple insult.

They reached the park checking their watches meticulously to get the correct time. At exactly 11:03 a.m. James and Lily took hold of the dusty tea cup and right before the crushing sensation took over, James heard her say, "I was most definitely wrong."


	9. Hips

**Sorry this took so long. I wrote the entire chapter the exact way i wanted it and FF didn't save it! **

**so i know this is a lot of Sirius/Ella, but i promise James/Lilly is coming.**

**Please review. Especially since I had to write this chapter TWICE.**

* * *

_James and Lily took hold of the dusty tea cup and right before the crushing sensation took over, James heard her say, "I was most definitely wrong." _

After waving goodbye to their friends, who were bundled up for the train, Sirius grabbed Ella, Saying only, "common Trouble," before hauling her to the common room for a game of wizards chess.

The first game went swiftly. The two friends had always been competitive and Sirius found himself enjoying her reactions throughout the game. By the time Sirius's queen beheaded three of her knights Ella began to scowl. Sirius barely contained his laughter_, bloody hell she's competitive...and quite adorable when she pouts. _Immediately_, Sirius shook himself of those thoughts, scolding himself for such lack of control._

Sirius won the first game, earning a quick smirk from Ella who demanded a rematch. However, his victory didn't last long. In the second match, Ella avenged the loss of her knights heads with an impressive dismemberment of Sirius' king. The swift slice started at the groin, went up through the piece's chest and came out through the top of the king's head. The king split into two pieces around the blade. Sirius cringed as the king began to cry out, "SHE'S MADE ME A UNIC! YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS TREACHERY!" Ella smirked at him just as his king started to demand, "OFF WITH HER HEAD!"

"A bit blood thirsty, are you?"

she shrugged, "my knights were quite upset about their missing heads. It was their second appendage, after all!"

Sirius chuckled and shook his head.

The third game was just as painful as Ella slaughtered Sirius's entire set. Victoriously, Ella jumped to her feet and began an obnoxious parade around the common room. She lowered her voice, in her best impression of Conald Rathvane, the famous quidditch-announcers voice, and boomed, "AND IT'S A DEVASTATING DEFEAT FOR SIRIUS TELULA BLACK!"

He chuckled, "THAT is not my middle name."

She continued to parade, "It is since you wont tell me what your middle name is!"

Her hands were thrown skyward as she continued to dance in place, eyes closed. Sirius noticed a sliver of skin appear between her blouse and trousers and watched the way the skin peaked higher with every swing of her hips. _Don't think about her hips. Don't think about her hips. S_irius felt that this mental chant had almost become a daily routine.

He had barely managed the task, by reciting the uses for a bezour, when Ella had thrown herself directly onto his lap, her arms clasped around his neck.

"Aw, don't look so pained Ace. You played a brilliant first round and you almost had me for a minute on the second."

"Yes I was quite impressed with your castration. No wonder boys are so frightened of you."

Ella pretended to look offended as Sirius's eyes lit with laughter.

"Who..._MOI_?" She adopted a bizare southern accent. "Why, I'm as harmless as a pygmy puff!"

"tell that to Reid Fellows, didn't you land him in the hospital wing a few months back?"

Ella's face faltered with an emotion Sirius couldn't name, "you heard about that?"

"Yea? Reid's a _Slytherin_! i was quite proud of you, nearly ended our row just to offer congratulations!"

She rolled her eyes.

"See?" he teased, " Blokes ought to be afraid. castrations and hospital wings. You're bloody dangerous."

Ella's eyes narrowed as she still sat on his lap, she playfully reached down toward his hips, "Oi! You want a demonstration?"

Sirius bucked his hips, immediately dumping Ella ten feet away on the floor as he fought to stand.

She looked up at him, from the floor, a bit shocked.

Sirius panicked a bit, still focusing on what it would be like with her hands on him. _Bleeding hell, make it a laugh._

He scoffed at her, "_Now now_, I don't give free samples."

Sirius breathed a sigh when her eyes with laughter and disbelief.

Ella knew fully well that Sirius gave certain samples of himself on a daily basis and he saw a hint of challenge in her stare.

However he hadn't expect her to say- "oh really? What kind of payment do you take?"

_Christ, __she's going to kill me._

Sirius had to wonder, had they always been this way? This undercut heat and sexual innuendos between the two? He honestly wasn't sure. Sure, they had always been sarcastic and teasing, but had they always acted like such a...couple?

Had he always been so blind to only see her as "one of the boys"? Sirius could remember the time he had laughed when she told him the sloppy kisses that Corner bloke had given her behind the Hogs Head. And she had teased him endlessly when Penelope Vain had straddled him in a broom closet, knocking over a bucket of Saphire's Surefire Sudds onto his head. Sirius was quite sure that he'd no longer find such a regaling tales quite as funny. Perhaps their friendship hadn't changed, Sirius realized, but he certainly had.

He decided not to answer her, instead playfully sighing. "_Trouble_ sure was a great name for you. Common' lets pay a visit to the kitchens."

They had skipped dinner for their second game of chess and Sirius was sure she was as ravenous as he was. Eagerly, she pulled herself off the floor and smile mischievously at him.

"Alright. Let's race there."

He nodded to her, _so bloody competitive._

Sirius turned to clear the chess board as he say Ella unsheathe and flick her wand, out of the corner of his eye. He thought Ella had simply helped accio a forgotten game peice, however when he turned, she was walking backwards out the portrait hole. She had that dangerous smirk on her face and Sirius stopped, puzzling at what she had done.

"Oi, I thought you fancied a race?"

"I do," she called back. "I'll see you there!" She yelled as she ran down the corridor.

Sirius lurched forward to catch her and in the next instant was face down on the common floor. He was stunned for a moment, wondering why his tongue had become acquainted with the dusty carpet, when he put two-and-two together. She must had tied his laces.

_Christ, she was going to kill him._

* * *

Ella stopped at the portrait to the kitchens, quickly tickling the pair, chuckling at how slow Ace's reflexes had become. Their separation had obviously taken it's toll on him because his guard was fully down. No doubt, it'd been a while since he'd had his mates cursing his books to stick to the common-room ceiling or charming his robes his favorite shade of putrid.

Her chuckling turned into full-blown laughter when the kitchen door swung open to reveal Sirius in his socks, his face wearing an incredulous look.

"you _welded my laces together!" _he accused.

She shrugged, "I was under a time constraint. It was all I could think of."

Sirius shook his head, and she noticed the same strange look in his eyes that he'd sported throughout the day.

_Maybe things will never be the same_, Ella sadly thought. Despite being quite pleased at how quickly their comradeship had returned, Ella kept noticing small changes in Ace. He was staring a bit more than usual and he kept adopting this strange look every time she became playful. Maybe he wasn't ready for things to return. _Maybe our friendship really is wrecked._

Trying to keep the same lightheartedness going, Ella decided to ask the question she had been wondering all day. "Why didn't you go home with James?"

Instantly, Sirius's features lit up. "I heard of a secret passage that we haven't conquered yet and they're easier to find when the schools empty. " _, _

_ "__ANOTHER one?"_

His smile increased and he nodded.

"Merlin's underpants, this school is barmy!"

His nodding continued.

"When are you going?"

"Tomorrow night, fancy coming along?" He innocently asked, as if he didn't already know the answer.

She rolled her eyes.

"What do you think?"

" Are you _sure_? the castle can be quite scary at night with all those scary ghosts." His sentence ended with a mocking tone.

She hit him lightly, "_honestly_! i tell you ONE TIME that Myrtle scared me and you never let me forget it."

"I'll just never understand it. You don't scare easily and its _Moaning Myrtle_ for christ's sake."

Ella figured Sirius wouldn't understand. It was her second year when she'd stupidly used the second floor girl's bathroom. She had just sat down on the toilet when a translucent head had popped up beneath her asking, "oh, hullo, What's your name?"

She had unceremoniously ran, screaming out of the bathroom with her knickers around her ankles. It had been quite some time until Ella could sit down on the lou without checking for inhabitants. Of course, Sirius didn't know the finer details, just the ghost and the running-away-screaming part.

"I'd give Myrtle more credit, the experience was...frightening. And don't be daft, of course i'm coming tomorrow."

He chuckled and once again she saw that foreign look in his eyes, "thought so."

* * *

They spent the next few hours in the kitchens drinking cocoa and nibbling on the sandwiches the house elfs made them. Ella felt like she had never laughed so much in her life. Her cheeks were starting to ache from the euphoria of the kitchens and their reunited friendship. They had already reminisced of countless pranks and stunts pulled throughout the years and Ella mused at how much mischief they'd already caused.

She could barely breathe when Sirius reminded her of the time Peter had put McGonagall (while in animagus form) in a cat carrier and they both altogether lost it at the time James accidentally charmed Dumbledore's beard bright blue.

"The...look... in Dumbledoor's eye.. And what.. he said...to James!" Sirius barely got out.

Ella clutched her side, fighting for air, "_Mr. Potter, how did you know this was my favorite color of Acid-Pops?_"

Their laughter died and eventually, they both longed for their beds. Just as they were leaving Ella head music began from deeper within the kitchens.

**"Ain't it great to be crazy" **

The song was quick and upbeat, but the voice still managed to be chillingly-beautiful. Ella glanced back to see two elfs clearing their plates and singing the tune. A third was sitting on a stool, next to a pile of linens, strumming on a makeshift guitar. Ella had heard whispers before of how the elfs sang late at night, while cleaning dishes. It was supposed to be a soothing activity for them, one they had picked up over the centuries to cope with unquestioning servitude. But no one, besides Dumbledore, was sure if the Hogwarts Elves still sang the tunes late at night.

**Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy? **

Ella felt honored that the elves felt comfortable enough to bestow such a gift. And a gift it was, as the one on the guitar, who Ella realized was her favorite Elf, Tank, winked at her and continued playing. Desperate not to waste such an opportunity, Ella grabbed Sirius's arm, just as he had one foot out the portrait hole and hauled him deeper into the kitchens.

"What are you-"

Ella shushed him, not wanting to miss a second of the song.

**Happy and gay, all the day, Boom, Boom, ain't it great to be crazy! **

They walked to an open space, where a wooden table had been pushed aside, and Ella turned to face him. Still holding his hands, throwing a quick smile toward him, she bagan to dance in place.

"Ella, _honestly, do you know who I am_?"

"**A horse and a flea and three blind mice **

**Sat on a tombstone shooting dice" **

"Your – um.. whats your name again?" she asked, feigning confusion.

**"The horse he slipped and fell on the flea, **

He narrowed his eyes, "very funny Trouble. You know I don't dance."

"Common' Ace, just move about a bit." She demonstrated a bit, still holding his hands. Playfully, swinging her hips from side to side, practically forcing movement from Sirius' own body.

**"Oops! said the flea, there's a horse on me!" **

Still refusing to dance, Sirius opted instead to watch her. He held her hand to keep her in balance as she danced. A smirk played on his face as he obviously thought she looked daft.

Ella remembered a dance move she had seen her parents do in a muggle film. It involved some type of shimmying as she bent her knees and swung her body from side to side.

Sirius' face conveyed how ridiculous she looked.

Wickedly, Ella thought, _let's see how ridiculous he thinks this looks._

**"AIN'T IT GREAT TO BE CRAZY **

**Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy? **

**Happy and gay, all the day, Boom, Boom, ain't it great to be crazy"**

Still holding his hands, Ella spun herself 180 degrees, ducking under their tangled arms and put her back to his chest. Her arms formed an "x" over her chest as her right hand was clasped in his left and her left in his right.

**There was an old doctor and his name was Peck.**

Instantly, Ella realized this position was a bit more intimate than she had intended. _Sirius is going to be so naffed._

She felt his warmth all around her and despite her height, she marveled at how much of him fit around her. Ella could only imagine the look of pure horror that most likely occupied his face at the moment. No doubt, he was two moments away from simply pushing her away or having a breakdown lecturing her on "proper fourth-year behavior."

Despite the on-coming meltdown, Ella found herself liking the feeling of being wrapped up in him. The night had been one of the best she'd had in years. It wasn't often they'd had time to just the two of them. Usually, one of the Mauraders or Lily intervened. She was surprised at how strongly happy she had become from their intimate night.

_Intimate- HA. _Ella scoffed at the word. Sirius no doubt still saw her as a little unattractive sister. No intimacy could be had for someone so blindly repulsed by a body as Sirius had been that day at Quidditch.

The thoughts made Ella feel a bit reckless. She decided to push the limits, if only to piss Ace off more.

_Oh this should be fun_, she thought as she backed herself further into his embrace. The heat he was producing earlier became a fire that scorched Ella from the middle of her calfs to the top of her shoulders. Every part of the back of her was touching his...front. She could feel his muscular chest and noticed that his shoulders were hunched, allowing him to bend over her, increasing the contact between the two.

**Fell down the well and broke his neck **

**Served him right, he was doing wrong. **

Detachedly, Ella noticed some particular advantages of her height. Her bum fit perfectly against Sirius's groin. And, slightly bent, his head was at such an advaantage that his breath tickled her throat. Ella bit back the groan she felt from being in such an intimate position. She was slightly horrified to feel herself rub and writhe against him. He flinched, no doubt furious, but did not push her away as Ella would have expected.

**Should have tended to the sick, and let the well alone. **

_It's just dancing,_ Ella reminded herself. Despite how intimate this position was, she had been witness to her brother's dancing in such a manor at their Aunt Sally's wedding. _Just some harmless muggle dancing._

She was trying to control her body's increasing reaction toward him and her own laughter at the horror he that was certainly on Sirius's face when she felt something…foreign. Ella froze, _what. The bloody. Hell._

**AIN'T IT GREAT TO BE CRAZY **

**Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy? **

Sometime during intimate dance, Sirius had become…. _Merlin's arse, he __wanted her!_ Still held in the awkward embrace, Ella craned her neck, eyes no doubt comically wide, to gain any insight at what he was thinking.

When she'd turned she expected a furious or horrifyingly-embarrassed or even a "well, what-do-you-expect?" face. Instead, his eyes were hooded and his neck remained bent giving little space between their lips. He was giving her the look he had repeatedly had for the past few weeks, and in these circumstances Ella recognized it as desire.

**Happy and gay, all the day,Boom, Boom, ain't it great to be crazy! **

The music stopped but neither of them moved. Ella was shocked but thought when he inched closer toward her lips that he was about to kiss her. No rational thought left in her brain, the only thing Ella thought was- "_finally_**_."_**

She couldn't even question her own traitorous thoughts as he quickly untangled himself and stepped away from her. Ella stumbled, but managed to right herself before looking like any bigger of a git.

He laughed without any humor behind it. "Christ, you're trying to kill me," she heard him mutter under his breath.

He seemed to be going into full-blown panic because he instantly became fidgity, rubbing his hand throughout his black hair, making most pieces stick straight up.

"About _that" _he said, placing emphasis on the word by staring down.

"_It's_ not about _you_-" he started.

"Excuse me?" Ella interrupted, offended.

"That's not what I-…" He stopped, clearly switching tactics. Lightly he laughed, "Well, what do you expect Ella? All that rubb…er dancing."

Ella narrowed her eyes. Usually, she'd have believed him. Three months ago, she was sure she would have believed it was just his body's reaction and not fault him at all. With four older brothers, Ella tended to think of a boy and their sex drives as two separate beings sharing a body. They didn't always agree and perhaps Sirius's had just had such an altercation.

But the past few weeks, at breakfast, across the common room, during quidditch practice, while playing wizards chess eariler and now today, after the seemingly harmless dance, that reocurring look had been desire. And that, was reason enough to believe that Sirius wasn't being honest.

Ella realized that the most damming evidence was his obvious attempt to not blink as he reasoned away his response. Sirus's eye's were opened, slightly large than before in the strain to not blink.

She had to control herself from narrowing her eyes or bursting into laughter from the gesture. _What a git. _

Once when they had been pissed off firewhisky Ella had _"accidentally"_ told Sirius his "tell" was rapid blinking. Little did he know, she had drank butterbeer all night and had been lying through her teeth. Now, _his attempts_ to stop blinking sometimes clued Ella in on when he was purposely hiding something.

_Fine_, Ella decided that if Sirius didn't want to discuss it, she would let him off the hook….for now.

Lightly, she winked at him, "No worries ace. Got to earn back my nickname somehow"

He let out a breath of relief.

"I'm going to stay here for a bit. But I'll meet you tomorrow in the common room at 11 p.m.?"

He nodded "see you then. "

* * *

Ella tossed and turned all night. When she woke she strolled the castle, sitting in her favourite spot within the hidden tapestry. Last night had been…informative. Ella knew something of significance had happened last night, but she wasn't sure what it bloody meant.

Ella may have less experience at snogging than Sirius, but she was quite positive she knew how to spot when a boy wanted her. And that moment, when Sirius was so close she could taste his breath, he had wanted her.

And the thought was completely shocking. Even after he'd apologized for their months-long row, Ella wasn't sure Sirius had stopped seeing her as that same ten year old. Apparently, the time had given him a new perspective. A completely unexpected perspective.

_What did that mean?_

Ella decided she'd need some answers before she faced him tonight. Remembering what Dumbledore had taught her in their private lessons, Ella tried clear her mind.

She sighed at the thought, missing how centered she felt after one of her lessons, which Dumbledore had been canceling more frequently recently.

Clearing one's mind was a diffiuclt task that she had honed over the years. Ella used the skill frequently to figure things out. She could practically still hear Dumbledore, from that first lesson in her second year, "_A clear mind is a concentrated mind and concentration brings about answers._"

A statement such as that was a particular belief of those who practice Occulemncy and Legilimency, the skill in which Dumbledore had been privately tutoring Ella in for years.

Every once in a while, Ella was still shocked that the headmaster had taken such an interest in her studies. And she couldn't even imagine why she had originally thought the headmaster to be a cold man who according to her father, "_may be one Doxy short of a pet store_."

At the time she hadn't even known of her ancient blood relation to one of the most skilled legilimens in history. Dumbledore, for that matter, also hadn't been aware until he'd seen Ella's half-hearted attempt at legilimency toward an obnoxious fifth year, Jack Tate.

Tate had been teasing her about her large teeth and since he had no physical flaws himself, Ella tried to find some emotional ones. She had read the spell _legilimens_ in a dusty book of her mother's. The spell had been labeled, **"to navigate ones mind, to gain insight where others cannot."** Ella had foolishly remembered the spell, thinking that she could use it one day to find ammo tease her brother Roy with.

Curiously, the spell had popped into her mind when she'd been furious with Tate. However, the spell had given no insight, just flashes of orange and a splitting headache. Dumbledore had happened to be walking by as she had preformed the spell and despite her failure, was quite impressed.

The following week he had owled her, setting up weekly lessons to practice the skill and declared that, "she had a natural talent for navigating the mind."

Both Dumbledore and herself were unaware that her raw talent was fueled by her bloodline, until some digging connected her mother's ancestry with Ignatia Wildsmith. And despite Floo Powder being Ignatia's ticket to fame, the witch was also the most powerful legimens in history. In fact, when she'd created Floo powder, rumors flew that she'd stolen the idea right out of Merwyn the Malicious's mind. Her legilimens skills were so strong that she could wandlessly and wordlessly invade anyone's mind, no matter how strong their occlumencies were.

Perhaps Ignatia's greatest accomplishment, however, was never letting other's record any mention of her power. Only her bloodline and the memories of others kept the whispers alive about the raw talent traveling through her line. Ella's own family had forgotten such a power could even exsist, since no one before her had shown signs of the valuable skill.

It wasn't until Dumbledore found mention in one of her great-great grandmother's journals and crossed it with his own knowledge, that they realized the connection.

Since her second year, legilimens had become a huge part of Ella's life. She swore to Dumbledore to use the power wisely, and Ella rarely used it outside of his office. Besides the splitting headaches she still received, public knowledge of her skill could be dangerous, if not lethal. So, Ella kept that part of herself, hidden away, not even able to tell her best mates of her weekly lessons. And over the years, she had become fairly good at sneaking away for an hour every Tuesday night with no one the wiser.

Ella shook away all thoughts of her skill, and demanded her mind stay silent.

_What does this mean?_

Sirius wanted her last night. Had she wanted him?

Sure, Ella would have to be completely dead to not have noticed Sirius's good looks. He was taller than James, about 6'2 and built more broadly than his friend. His dimples had their own fan clubs and were practically Hogwarts legends on their own. And his thick short-disarrayed black curls had made loads of girls weak in the knees.

But she had never thought more past that initial attraction. Sure, he was fit. But Ella didn't have journals with his initials scrawled in them or locks of his hair, like that Penelope girl did.

He had always just been _Ace_, her blindingly gorgeous, exceedingly-arrogant best mate. Throughout their friendship Ella had made it her personal mission to keep his already oversized head from growing. And a job like that didn't leave room for her to drool over him.

Sirius was playful, frighteningly smart, witty, protective, and loyal. But most importantly, Sirius could keep up with her. Something that was serious hard to find. And he was the one person Ella felt most connected to. She remembered the way his body felt behind hers. How his breath on her neck had made her shiver. She had felt safe in his embrace, something she expected from their years of companionship. But she had also felt electrified, like moving one inch could start a fire purely from the friction between them.

_Yea_, Ella decided, _she had wanted him._

_So Sirius_ had wanted her. And she had wanted him. _What does that mean?_

Was the desire Ella saw just a momentary lapse? Or was it something more, something significant. Could she intertwine her attraction to him with their friendship? Would snogging him be like snogging Scott, her brother closest to Sirius's age? _No_, she decided, Sirius and Ella had always had a teasing edge to their friendship, one that came without brotherly feelings- at least for Ella.

_So what did that mean? Did she...fancy him or something? _

Ella wasn't sure. Attraction and comfort and desire were one thing, but dating Sirius? The thought was practically laughable. Just because he was attracted to her didn't mean he fancied her. Did it? And if he did, did she?

Ella had absolutely no idea and no way to answer the question. She thought of bringing the issue up to Sirius, and immediately knew he'd just lie again. Ella wasn't one to tip-toe around an issue. She needed action. A way to prove to him and herself that something was going on. And once that was proved, they could figure out the emotional stuff, together, later-on...if they even wanted to.

* * *

Ella entered the common room at 11 p.m. sharp to find a contemplative Sirius staring at the fire.

"Wotcher Ace."

He turned, his smile not meeting his eyes. "Trouble," he nodded, "Ready to make Hogwarts history?"

_You have no idea mate. _"Sure am."

They walked out the portrait hole, in complete silence. The castle was empty and Ella marveled at how large it looked without the hundreds of bodies. Sirius led her to the fourth-floor corridor where the statute of the one-eyed witch stood. They stopped in front of the marble, both staring up at the statute.

She chuckled, "I always thought this was of a three-headed dog."

He also laughed, no doubt noticing how ugly this particular witch was.

"How did you hear about this one?"

Sirius smiled, "Filch caught me sneaking back from the kitchens with food last month. He figured that we'd been finding secret passages last year and finally told Dumbldore his suspicions two weeks ago."

Sirius's eyebrows sunk into his eyes and he sucked in his cheeks, to look guant, as he lowered his voice. "Those hoolagins are trying to conquer the school, Dumbledore! There no good, the entire lot of 'em!"

He fixed his face into a smile, "I was walking behind the pair. Dumbledore said to change the passwords of each of the passages and mentioned to change to one-eyed witch passcode, since it was of the _upmost importance."_

Ella looked at Sirius incredulously, "And Dumbledore _just happened_ to mention this loud enough for you to hear?"

He smirked. "I may have been wearing a certain blokes invisibility cloak at the time."

She chuckled and nodded.

"So how does it open?"

"I've absolutely no idea."

At that, Sirius set to work, muttering different unlocking charms with flicks of his wand. His hair was perfectly disarrayed and Ella noticed how every few minutes, his eyes turned skyward, as if he was trying to remember every unlocking charm he'd learned.

When he'd remember another jinx, his eye's lit with excitement and determination as he tried to crack the passage.

Ella smiled at his determination. Sirius loved a challenge. _Good, _she thought,_so do I._

Immediately, Ella joined him, using all of her acquired knowledge to open the one-eyed witch.

However, after thirty minutes of failed attempts, they both felt a bit desperate for the answer.

The caw of a crow was heard throughout the corridor and Sirius and Ella scrambled to get under the invisibility cloak as Cathers, Filch's hideous pet crow searched for bodies out of bed. The crow continued on, soaring past the pair who were hidden intimately close under the cloak.

Ella remarked at how difficult the cloak was now that they had both grown a foot since first year. Her face was hidden in the crook of Sirius's neck and his arms were wrapped around her as they crouched against the stone wall. The top of his trainers were barely covered by the shimmering material.

Ella heard Filch's unmistakable voice muttering, "bloody bird," down the hallway as an idea started to form. It was _her skill_ after all. And she had never used it for such a novel matter, before. Would Dumbledore honestly care if she aided Sirius open a passage? Ella knew Dumbledore fairly well, from her private lessons, and one fact she'd acquired was that he knew when they used the cloak in his presence. No doubt, he'd known Sirius was behind Filch and himself when speaking of the passage, and yet he still gave the knowledge.

_Sod it,_ Ella decided,_ I've got other things to figure out tonight besides this bloody passage. _Just as Filch's boots were heard stomping in the opposite direction Sirius pulled the cloak off them.

"that was close," he mumbled in a strained voice.

They had had much closer calls in the past, and Ella wondered if he meant their proximity rather than the run-in with Filch.

"Im going to check down this corridor for something, maybe there's a clue or...something."

Sirius shrugged, "Just don't get caught that's the direction Filch went."

She nodded and crept down the corridor, looking for the young caretaker.

A few turns down, she peeked around a corner to see him picking up a fallen suit of armor. "Bloody Peeves. Like ta' hang him in the dungeon by his thumbs, i would."

Ella rolled her eyes and drew her wand. Silently with a swish and flick, she strongly thought, _Legilimens_.

The squibs thoughts were dreary and Ella cringed as she was forced to peal back a layer to the dark place he kept his knowledge of Hogwarts secrets. Ella shudered at the act. She always thought of Legilimens as wading through a thick swamp, reaching into the slime to find and pry open crusty jars.

Unbeknownst to many, secrets and fears were guarded by a filmy-oozing substance- the minds natural protection from reliving certain events. Ella decided to ignore Filch's terror of the giant squid and peeled away the gunky cover over the information Filch kept on passages. Her mind felt soiled as she waded through his information, pausing curiously about the "something of requirement," and moving on to the mishapen one-eyed witch. Ella saw Filch's conversation with Dumbledore about changing the password and lifted further to see his knowledge of how to open the passage. As soon as she obtained it, Ella gently eased out of his mind, hoping to Merlin he hadn't felt the invasion.

She was instantly taken to her knees by a splitting pain in her head. She stayed crouched down for a few minutes until the pounding became the usual dull throb. Silently, she turned and tip-toed back toward the statute. When she rounded the corner she casually strolled up to Sirius, who was leaning his back against the witch's left leg.

He looked expectantly at her, "Figure anything out?"

She strolled up to him, entirely too close for a proper answer. Watching as his eyes widened but he didn't move away from her.

"I think so..." she murmured as she stood, her mouth inches from his own. She lifted her arm over his shoulder, edging her body closer to him.

His back pushed further against the stone statute and Ella once again saw his hooded look of desire.

Her arm made contact with the stone, trapping his body beneath her, and as she leaned closer toward him, his breath hitched.

* * *

Sirius felt his body freeze as she leaned in further toward him. She was so close to him, there was no way she meant to be friendly in this position. Her right arm sought the stone behind him, her body was practically touching his own and her eyes were focused on his lips. Sirius stood in place, too afraid to move. Behind his left shoulder he heard a click and felt the statute shift, jostling them both away.

He turned to see a mouth open in place of where the witch's hump used to be.

he turned to Ella, shocked, "how did you...?"

She shrugged and smiled, "magic."

* * *

_What the bloody hell was that! _Now that the shock had worn off, Sirius was furious with himself._Honestly, what had he been thinking. He should have pushed her away last night, before things got...escalated. Or at least came up with a decent outrage for her to believe his snub._

And even worse, Sirius had made a git of himself again tonight. He had seen that look in her eyes as she leaned toward him! There had been attraction and bloody hell, there had been desire. But most of all Sirius recognized the daft girl's primary look, she had been challenging him. Testing him to push her away, taunting him for his reaction to her. And Sirius had failed miserably. _Bloody Hippogriff,_ he should have pushed her off. Should have told her that she had imagined how much he'd wanted her last night, that there was nothing between them. But after they'd found the passage, and they'd explored five minutes in the tunnel, Sirius had been ready for a whole bottle of firewhiskey. The entire time in the darkness, she had stood too close to him, practically hovered over him, tickling his neck with her breath or lingering touches across his back and arms.

He had made up some excuse about a forgotten potions exam due the next day and exclaimed that they needed to get back to the common room. She had stared strangely at him, but said nothing else. It wasn't until they got back, as she sasheyed her hips on her way up the stair that she'd called back to him.

"good luck with that potions work, Ace."

Too late, he realized she was mocking him and he remembered they were on holiday. Sirius groaned audibly as he watched her slowly climb the stairs, throwing a smirk his way. He had been so distracted, he even forgot to ask her how she'd managed to open the passge. Sirius felt like a total prat, but couldn't help the lust that surged within him at the image of her hips as she took the stairs, one step at a time. He threw himself in the lush red-leather chair and ran his hands through his disarrayed hair,_______bloody fucking hell, those hips are weapons of mass destruction._


	10. Ravenclaw

**I know you guys are going to be bummed that this isn't a J/L chapter but here is the thing. James and Lily don't have much of a reason (besides potions and a weak friendship) to chat and share experiences. This is a time for them to let their friendship settle and I promise it will grow. In the meantime, I hope you are as taken with Sirius and Ella as I've become. Especially since their story is going to greatly influence James and Lily.**

**Happy Reading!**

* * *

_He threw himself in the lush red-leather chair and ran his hands through his disarrayed hair, bloody fucking hell, those hips are weapons of mass destruction. _

Ella had woken Sunday morning to a tapping at her window. Since no other fourth year girls had stayed for the holidays, she figured the letter was for her. She threw her covers off and slipped out of her bedding, padding over to the cold window. The window loudly slid open as Lily's charcoal owl hooted happily at her.

She grabbed the letter and settled on her bed, quietly petting Rufus.

Lily's letter had been mostly ranting, complaining that, **"**_the git won't stop owling me!"_ Ella chuckled at her friend's animosity and quickly wrote a response. She tired to tell Lily the events of her holiday so far, but she quickly decided not to discuss the happenings between Sirius and herself. So instead, she wrote vaguely and skipped over key moments of their day. The letter ended up sounding a bit dodgy, but Ella figured it'd have to do if she wanted to make breakfast.

She handed the letter to Rufus and threw on her favorite outfit; a worn black muggle band t-shirt, Sirius had gotten her three-Christmases ago and a pair of destroyed jeans. Sirius had once mentioned she looked "barely tolerable" in the outfit last summer and Ella had been extremely pleased with his backwards admission.

She walked to the great hall feeling light and chuckling to herself over Sirius's reactions last night. He really had failed her challenge. If his initial desire had been a surprise or a fluke he would have pushed her away last night, instead of hitching his breath and inching toward her.

Ella shook her head, somewhat amazed that they were even in this situation. Sirius actually wanted _her_. _Her, Ella Dillonsby_. It wasn't that Ella considered herself a lower caliber than Ace's usual conquest, quite the contrary. Ella knew she was good looking and she wasn't one of those prissy duffers who drooled over Sirius like a lovesick pygme.

In truth, she was just surprised that he had managed to go from knocking out a bloke for kissing his "little sister" to being the bloke wanting to do the kissing. _Talk about a mood swing,_ she mused.

Ella wondered if he was regretful this morning or if he would be awkward at breakfast. She wasn't even sure he'd acknowledge the strangeness between them last night. Then again, it was _Sirius_. And Sirius, like herself, didn't avoid issues or worry much about consequences, most of the time anyway.

Sirius was just as every bit reckless as Ella. And reckless was exactly how Ella felt this morning. Throughout the night she mulled over Ace's reactions and her own desires. At around 2 a.m. Ella had realized exactly what she wanted. She had practically shot out of bed and gone to his room when she'd realized it. But instead she decided to wait; to play the predator in the game that had never been as much fun with anyone else. After all, Ella had never before been embarrassed to initiate a snog and dammed if she was going to act any different just because it was Sirius.

Wanting to snog Sirius was foreign to her and was certainly too thick to say out loud, let alone scribble with a quill, which was partly why she hadn't told Lily.

Ella came upon the Great Hall noticing it currently held a quarter of it's usual mass of students. She continued down the table, stopping to say hello to a third year Gryffindor and Hufflepuff. Just as she was about to sit next to Sirius, who had his back turned toward her, she heard her name called.

Ella noticed Sirius's back stiffen as Arkie ran over to her. She knew there was bad blood between the two boys and hoped Arkie wouldn't be upset when she declined to sit with him.

He came to stand in front of her, taking notice of her muggle attire and smiled brightly at her.

"Well, well, don't you look like _trouble_?" He playfully suggested.

She laughed, "Wotcher Ark."

He nodded toward the Ravenclaw table, "You fancy sitting with us?"

"Not today, sorry."

He seemed to understand as he glanced at Sirius's stiff back. "Right…we still on for later?"

Ella remembered her promise to play exploding snaps with him and couldn't think of a reason not to. She may want to snog Sirius, but that didn't mean she couldn't have friends. And Arkie was a friend. The snogging and flirting had been fun, but she was fairly sure that had all it had been…for both of them.

"Yea. I'll meet you there."

He smiled and made his way back toward the Ravenclaw table.

Ella turned and took her place next to Sirius, who was scowling into his pumpkin juice, reading the prophet.

"Morning Ace."

He nodded toward her, keeping his eyes on the picture of three bunny-eared garden gnomes who were angrily popping up and down from holes dug into someone's yard.

"Anything good in the prophet?"

He sighed and pushed the paper toward her. "Not really, just more Ministry propaganda and angry bunnies."

She chuckled at the thought of the two concepts together. "Just another day in the wizarding world, eh?."

He smiled and looked at her for the first time since she sat. His eyes were a bit wary but instantly shifted when he took stock of her outfit.

Ella thought she saw that foreign look of desire, but she couldn't be sure.

"I remember that shirt…nearly got trampled when that muggle singer threw it into the crowd... had to fight a sixty-year old for that, you know."

She rolled her eyes at the proud lint to his statement, "my hero."

He smiled, "Don't forget it."

The rest of breakfast ran smoothly as they talked to a few random Gryffindors about some ridiculous ball the school was throwing at the end of the year and laughed when Collin Robins, a seventh year Hufflepuff, stood on his table and sang the Weird Sister's Do the Hippogryff. A girl, who Ella thought may be named Payton, stood smugly next to the table, cluing Ella in that the boy had most likely lost a bet. When he'd finished he'd awkwardly smiled at the girl and jumped off the table, his face practically violet.

Ella chuckled toward Sirius. "At least I've never made you do that before."

He snorted, "Yes, like running the pitch in my knickers wasn't just as bloody embarrassing."

"I figured you wouldn't mind that. After all, you fancy yourself Merlin's gift to the female population."

He nodded as if agreeing. "It did get me a lot of dates."

Ella frowned at the thought, which went unnoticed by the raven haired boy as he stood from the table.

"I'm off to practice flying. One bludger to the head fills my quota for this season."

She rolled her eyes, "prat."

"…You can join me of course, as long as you remember to not use my skull as target practice."

"I couldn't make such a promise. It was quite therapeutical last time…. Besides, I've got plans."

Instantly, his face turned unpleasant. "Oh yeah? Where are you off to then? The astronomy tower? A broom closet?"

Ella was confused at his harsh tone and wondered what had set him off

"no?...I'm off to Ravenclaw."

He scowled and mumbled, "plenty of places there, I suppose."

"What was that?"

"I'm surprised your not tired, quite a juggling act you have."

Ella was completely lost as to where the conversation had gone.

"Okay… What the hell has your knickers is a twist?"

His eyes narrowed, "Ravenclaws are daft, you shouldn't be wasting your time with that lot."

"That's rubbish. Ravenclaws are _fine_."

"Ravenclaws are prats. They fancy themselves smarter than the rest of us."

"that's because they are."

"Bollicks, I'm twice as skilled as those duffers."

She snorted at his arrogance, even if she did slightly agree with him.

"Don't believe me? The whole school knows it. Gryffindors are the smartest, bravest house. All the others are just…left overs…is that who you want to waste your time with?"

"Why are getting shirty right now?"

"You're a smart girl Ella, you can figure it out. Or better yet-"

"You've dated loads of Ravenclaws!"

"oh… so you _are_ dating-"

"- Did that bludger leave damage?"

" the blokes are different, they're all smarmy!"

"Bollicks. They're honest, cunning and just as loyal as the best Gryffindor!"

His eyes narrowed even further. "Fine. Sodd off then. You want your Ravenclaw blokes, you've got my -"

"I'm a big girl Sirius, I don't need your permission."

"-And when you're done with your little inter-house mixer, don't bother finding me."

"With you in a mood like this? …_I'd rather lick a basilisk fang_!"

He stormed away, obviously twice as upset as Ella was. And for some strange reason she felt as if nothing had actually been said the entire argument. To be honest, Ella wasn't quite sure what had even set him off.

* * *

After three hours of exploding snaps. Ella was still confused about Sirius and slightly irritated with Arkie. For some unknown reason, the Redhead had been overly affectionate today, or at least he had tried to be. Arkie had always been a terrible flirt, but the past few games he had been borderline touchy. He kept leaning over her, leaving lingering touches on her forearms and looking her up and down, as if she was bare. Perhaps she would have been more intrigued with Arkie's peaked interest, if not for her annoyance toward Sirius.

How dare he suggest she needed his permission to do anything!

And why was Sirius so worried about her spending time with the Ravenclaws. She could befriend whomever she wanted! It's not as if she was having a slumber party with the Slytherins. The Ravenclaws were perfectly acceptable company. In fact, most Gryffindors preferred their Eagle cousin to the bubbly Hufflepuffs, Sirius included. And Ella felt no remorse for her anger earlier. She had meant what she'd said. House segregation is what fueled Voldemort's war. And Ella would be dammed if she let old prejudice between two dead founders delegate whom her friends were.

The very notion was preposterous and one that she had never expected Sirius, a blood-bound Slytherin who sought sanctuary in Gryffindor, his bloodlines rival, to think such a thing. In fact, Ella was positive Sirius wouldn't think such a thing. So why did he say it? Was he angry that she hadn't wanted to fly?

Sure, they usually did such things together in the past and maybe he had wanted company on the pitch, but a beater and a keeper couldn't properly practice much together.

So if it wasn't about her going with him, it was about her going to Ravenclaw. But that didn't make sense either. Ella had been to both the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff common room to hangout more than once and Sirius had never reacted so irrationally... But perhaps along with Sirius's desire other things had changed in their friendship. Afterall, they had just ended their row about Arkie…._Arkie_. Could that be what Sirius was so brassed about?

_No_, neither of them had even mentioned the blokes name! And Sirius didn't even know why she was going to Raven- _Shite_, she supposed if he had listened to her and Arkie's conversation he may have known.

But _Christ_, _it wasn't like they were shagging, just playing a harmless game,_ how could Sirius be angry about that? He had to have heard that in their conversation. Ella tried to recall the words Arkie had used. Surely he had mentioned exploding snaps? But _no_… she mostly recalled him just mentioning plans, s_o perhaps Ace hadn't known._

Ella suddenly felt like an arse. She had started the day so full of determination. She had pushed Sirius last night and they both knew it. And Sirius Black wasn't one to be pushed. He was hard-headed and stubborn and her pushing his buttons last night in the corridor and within the secret passage had no doubt drove him a tad mental.

_And what did Ella do the moment they saw each other this morning?_ She had made plans with Arkie in front of him! no doubt it sounded as if they were meeting up in a broom closet instead of…..._a broom closet._

Ella remembered the harsh words that had started their argument earlier,

"_Where are you off to then? The astronomy tower? A broom closet?"_

_...Holy bouncing balderdash! _Sirius hadn't just been embarrassed earlier or naffed at her for making alternative plans after she'd pushed him last night. Sirius had been _jealous_!

Sirius Black had been jealous…over _her_. Ella felt slightly dumbfounded, surely jealously was an emotion she had ever thought possible from the prideful Sirius.

"-lla, It's your turn."

Ella came back to herself, seeing Arkie staring expectantly at her.

"you look like you just saw a thestral…everything all right love?" he lightly touched the exposed skin beneath the rip on her knee, as he asked.

"Uh… I have to go do something quickly, I'll be right back, alright?"

He looked at her strangely, "right…we can finish another time if your-"

"No, no. I'm beating you and I want the bragging rights when I win my third game in a row… I'll only be a minute."

She turned to trot out of the common room. As the portrait shut behind her she flew into a full sprint.

She ran through the corridor, through the library (where Madam Fairn screamed at her for running), across the side of the Great Hall and out through the doors. It was a warm spring day, perfect for flying conditions.

The grass was just loosing it's last tint of brown and the trees and flowers looked beautiful in the sunlight. Ella felt a moment of glee and then a moment of panic as she spotted the pitch in the distance.

She kept running, hoping that Sirius had stayed out here longer than usual, as she would have, due to the fine weather.

Ella couldn't see anyone flying at the higher parts of the pitch but the circular goals were blocked from her view by the Slytherin cheering tower.

Just as she was running past the locker room, toward the field, she head the scraping of a locker opening.

Ella stopped herself and ran back into the locker room entrance, past the showers and through the large wooden door.

She swung through the door at a run, leaving it loudly shut behind her and continued to run until just a bench separated the two of them. Sirius turned around toward the disturbance.

His broom was propped up against the open locker and he'd already gotten his pads and jumper off. His leather boots and britches were still on, and he'd replaced his Quidditch jersey with a lightweight black t-shirt that matched his windswept hair.

Besides his attire, Ella also noticed a reaction of regret pass his features quickly turn into one of curiosity and then, as she threw herself across the left space between them, one of understanding.

The impact pushed his body against the locker as their lips connected. Ella felt him stiffen at her attack and then respond enthusiastically. His lips molded with hers as his arms tightly wrapped around her waist. Ella felt her lips part for him and his tounge slide inside her mouth. Shockwaves ignited throughout her, leaving her feel more breathless than she ever had before. Her hand's fastened around his neck, simultaneously pulling him closer and slipping into his hair. Ella's hips dug into him, on entirely their own accord, and she felt him deepen the kiss. Their mouths fought for dominance as their hands groped and their bodies pushed. The kiss wasn't romantic, it was frantic and messy and the very definition of fire. _Merlin's sweet-cheeks, ._

Just as the thought crossed her mind, Sirius pulled away. Ella heard herself whimper and was instantly horrified by the sound.

They stared at each other, both fighting for breath, until Sirius slowly let his hands drop from her hips and leaned his head back against the locker, his eyes closed and hands fisted at his side.

She wordlessly stared at the exposed skin at his neck, finding it very hard to concentrate. She shook herself and forced out an explanation.

"It's called jealousy," she informed him, slightly teasing.

His eyes stayed closed and despite looking relaxed his breath wasn't coming any easier. "What?"

"That burning sensation in your gut, makes you go mad? It's called being jealous."

"I know what jealousy is... I wasn't jealous."

Ella wondered if he really thought she'd believe that malarkey after what had just occurred. Instead of answering with more empty words, she leaned forward and kissed his exposed neck. He flinched and stood very still, as if he were meeting a hypogriff for the first time.

She slipped some tounge into the kiss, as if urging him to accept her earlier words and he shivered at the contact.

"Sure thing, Ace," she mumbled around his neck.

She pulled away from him found his own eyes were open as lifted his head from the locker.

"In case you know any interested parties, I was playing exploding snap."

"What?"

"In Ravenclaw… With Arkie. Those were my plans. I promised him an exploding snap tournament ages ago."

Realization hit his face and she smiled at him before walking backward out of the locker room, "I'll see you tomorrow, Ace."

"-Wait, Ella"

She stopped, not liking his desperate tone.

"That was…a mistake. It can't happen again… I don't want it to."

She studied his face, which was completely void of emotion.

After years of friendship Ella figured Sirius should really know better than to challenge her. Not only had his statement lied to her, he had also tried to dictate her own behavior.

Ella had never let Sirius tell her who she could and could not snog and she was dammed if she was about to start now… even if he was the snogee in question.

Years of friendship had, at least, taught _her_ that arguing with him now would be pointless. Sirius had made up his mind and she wasn't going to use words to convince him how daft he was being. _No_, Ella decided, _she'd use action to do that._

She shrugged and promised nothing. "Alright,"

His eyes narrowed. "I'm serious."

"I know. Sirius Tellula-"

"-Ella," he interrupted.

"i'll catch you later Ace." she wickedly smiled at him, before walking through the wooden door; wondering if he knew how true that statement would be.

* * *

It wasn't until breakfast the next morning that Sirius heard of the attack. He had been sitting alone-partially scolding himself for letting things get out of hand yesterday and partially elated that they had- when he heard a collective gasp go through the hall. He looked around, finding students all studying their prophets in horror. He looked at his own paper and his stomach had dropped.

Sirius was selfishly happy that nothing had happened to any of his friends. He was even more relieved for Prongs, to find that Evans name was not on the list.

He felt slightly sick from a few of the names and was enraged by the total number of deaths. Voldemort hadn't just taken the muggle born lives, an act in itself that was genocide. No, he had killed any-and-all relation that held the recessive wizarding gene. Brothers and sisters and grandmothers, aunts and cousins- all of relation to the muggleborns had been slaughtered in the late of the night.

A few sobs could be heard now from the different tables and Sirius was instantly anxious to find Ella. He stood to go to her room, when he saw her enter the hall, a look of horror on her face.

She was upset, Sirius knew she shared classes with a few on the list and had expected as much. But she was also… enraged. He could see the fury hidden in her indigo eyes. Her teeth were clenched and her hands were shaking.

He went to her and led her back out of the hall, into an empty classroom.

Unsure of what to say, he held her. Wrapping his arms around her long body, hoping she'd find comfort in the gesture.

She hid her head in his neck and he could feel the livid-vibrations coming off of her.

"I'm going to kill him," she mumbled into the soft skin.

He pulled back, "Ella, you need to calm down."

She pushed him away and yelled, "CALM DOWN? He just slaughtered my classmates! I'm going to rip him bloody limb from limb."

Sirius put his hands out, in an attempt to calm her "We all want to defeat him-"

"I DON'T WANT TO DEFEAT HIM I WANT TO BLOODY TORTURE HIM."

"Ella, stop shouting."

Her eyes narrowed and she was just about to yell more when Sirius felt a light brushing sensation in his head.

It was forgotten the next moment, when Ella shrieked and collapsed in pain. Her arms were wrapped around her head as she muffled, "AAGH. Bloody. Legil- Dumbledore. Christ."

"_Christ_, Ella! Are you okay?"

She took three calming breaths and nodded toward him to help her to her feet.

"I'm fine, just a headache…"

"...I'm sorry for loosing it."

Sirius nodded, "I understand. Lets go to the owlery, you should mail your family."

She shook her head, "that's where I was, when I heard. All the owls are gone, off to the ministry or delivering omens."

Sirius was frustrated, suddenly wishing he had his own owl so he could make sure James was alright.

"Lets go to the Great Hall then, wait for the others to return."

* * *

James and Lily walked into the Great Hall to find it half-filled with students. Three of the tables, Gryffindor, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, had been pushed closer to each other as students from each house comforted one another. The Slytherin table was notably empty. Crying could be heard from different groups around the hall and every student looked forelorn.

The two Gryffindors spotted Ella, Sirius and Peter halfway down one table, and made their way over.

Sirius was the first to notice the pair, as he stood and firmly hugged James.

"Alright Prongs?"

James hugged him back, fiercely happy for the gesture.

"I've been better mate."

The embrace ended, and James heard Lily sniffling as Ella wrapped her arms around the redhead. His stomach went to knots at the sound, but he figured there wasn't much to do besides keep her as safe as possible.

After hugging Peter and Ella the group sat down and an eire silence started.

After a moment James asked, "Is the train back yet?"

"Weren't you on it?" Ella asked.

He shook his head. "We took a Portkey."

Sirius sat up a bit stiffer at that, "why? You reckon the train could be dangerous."

James shrugged, "Not sure, but I didn't fancy taking the chance."

Both Ella and Peter looked momentarily sick, "Remus is on the train…alone."

"How did you get back Peter?"

The boy looked guilty at the question, "Mum sent me by floo. I tried to owl you and Remus…but the post is mental."

Sirius and Ella nodded, "All the owls were gone, we couldn't get a hold of you."

"Drat. I hope Rufus got to Daphne in time. She always walks to Kings Cross alone, I told her to find a ride." Lily added.

"No worrys, Evans. Daphne will be fine. Remus will be fine. The train should be back soon," Sirius said as he lightly squeezed Ella's left hand.

The group stayed silent, too afraid to speak of the terrors they were all thinking. Instead, just sitting at the table, listening to the words of comfort spoken by the other students trying to calm those crying.


	11. Darkness

**I am really excited with where this story is going (which is why i am updating so often). It's not predictable, but i am staying as close to the cannon as possible. ****All i will say is BIG THINGS ARE COMING.**

**So now i'll shut up and let you read. Ps comments serve as great motivation and i enjoy reading them.**

* * *

_The group stayed silent, too afraid to speak of the terrors they were all thinking. Instead, just sitting at the table, listening to the words of comfort spoken by the other students trying to calm those crying. _

James let out a relived sigh as he saw the large group of students pile into the hall. Remus was among the goup, practically holding up a sobbing Violet Dodge. They all stood, catching Remus' attention with a wave and waited for their friend and a distraught Dodge navigate through mass of students hugging.

Dodge's sobbing stopped momentarily when she spotted Sirius standing next to James and Ella. She shrugged off Remus and ran the rest of the distance to Sirius throwing her arms around him, "Siri…she's…she's gone," she barely got out between the sobs.

Sirius looked slightly uncomfortable at first but as the girl continued to cry in his arms, James saw his friend wrap his own arms around her and whisper soothing words in her ear.

"I'm glad your safe mate…sorry we didn't take the train i-" James said as he pulled Remus into a hug.

"Don't worry, I was busy with prefect duties the whole ride." He looked towards Dodge and lowered his voice, speaking only loud enough for James and Ella to hear. "This is bad James. People are upset and I'm not sure how much longer Hogwarts will be safe here."

"Dumbledore will protect us."

"Dumbledore may not be able to, I heard my father talking over break. The ministry thinks he's trying to form an army. They want him removed from Headmaster."

James was shocked, "That's bollicks! Dumbledore isn't forming anything-"

"Da said they had proof. Do you remember Alaster Moody?"

"Do I remember him? Mad-Eye's the bloody scariest auror in the ministry."

Remus nodded. "Right. Well, his sister was part of it…and she died on a mission for Dumbledore."

James eyes widened. Dumbledore was forming an army to fight Voldemort? It had sounded quite preposterous at first; ramblings of old men, but now that James thought about it the idea had merit.

"You reckon he'll let us join?"

Remus smiled at his friend and affectionately patted him on the shoulder. "I'm glad your okay Prongs."

James chuckled, "Yeah, I'm fine," and added, a bit louder for every one else at the table to here, "although, I thought I was a goner for a second when I met Lilys mother." He shuddered as if in horror, "frightening woman."

Lily, who had been anxiously scanning the crowd of incoming students, searching for Daphne, turned when she'd heard her name mentioned.

She rolled her eyes. "It's my Dad you have to worry about, James."

James nearly fell off his seat at the sound of his name rolling of her lips. Lily must have been severely distracted, because she missed the raised eyebrows and chuckles at the table.

Her eyes focused on a frizzy haired blonde at the entrance and she jumped to her feet, her face lighting into a smile. She ran to her friend and they both laughed as they wrapped each other in a hug. James couldn't hear what they were saying, but he was extremely happy that Lilys face was lit into a smile for the first time all day.

The girls made their way back over to the group and Daphne smiled at all of them,

"Everyone all right?"

They all nodded as Ella stood to hug the girl. "I'm glad you're okay Daph."

"No worries Ella. Besides, if I'd been caught I think I'd just talk old Voldy to death."

Sirius, who had sat sometime in the last minute, with Dodge still crying on his lap, added the sentiment they were all thinking.

"But No one was caught."

Daphne looked toward his friend as if he were daft. "Yes, Thank you for pointing out that cheerful thought, Sirius."

"Attention Please…Attention," McGonagall yelled from the back of the hall.

Silence fell and those distraught tried to quite their cries.

"Dinner will start shortly, but first I'd like to speak to Prefects and the head boy and girl." No one moved, so she continued a little sharper…"In private. Right now, please." She spun and walked out through the wooden doors, leaving the hall in murmers.

Students spread all around the hall, including Remus and Lily stood from their tables.

"Give Kyle Hodger's my regard!" Daphne winked toward her friend.

Lily rolled her eyes, "I don't speak to the head boy unless absolutely necessary."

"And my regards are of no importance?"

"He knows you loathe him, excepts for the times your snogging his face off."

The group chuckled and James noticed the two friends banter had lifted Lilys mood even further.

Daphne sighed, a bit dreamily. " Yea. he's got a wicked tongue."

"Ella. We've got to go," Remus reminded her.

"Alright. Make sure to leave some roast for me!"

James winked at her, "No promises."

He watched as his willowy friend and Lily walked out of the hall, his eyes lingering on Lily's behind for a moment too long. He turned to find Daphne looking expectantly at him. He had always enjoyed the girls company. She was altogether hilarious when she spoke that legal jargon and James had seen her verbally rip apart a bloke more than once. After today, however, James decided he was extremely thankful for her and Lilys friendship. The two girls were so in sinc that simple banter had served better than soothing words or tears.

The thought of crying made James turn toward Dodge, who was still silently distraught, sitting on Sirius's lap. The pair were across the table from James, seated next to a very uncomfortable looking Ella.

James wondered why she looked so sour.

"You know, I'm obligated to tell Lily, as dictated in our best-mate contract, that you were staring at her arse, right?"

He shrugged toward the girl. "She knows already."

"You think so, huh?"

He smiled, instantly feeling a bit guilty for the gesture, in a time of such sorrow.

"Why else would she wear those jeans?"

The group laughed and then immediately stopped when Violet flinched at the sound.

She seemed to have stopped crying. She was clutching onto the fabric of Sirius's shirt and she looked extremely lost. "We used to do that," she said as she stared into the distance. "We laughed all the time…she was my best mate, you know?"

She had directed the question toward Sirius by turning her small face up and staring hopelessly into his eyes.

Sirius kept eye contact with her, his gaze filled with empathy. "I know, love."

"We laughed a lot. About teachers, and films… and…about you." Despite clinging onto Sirius, the girl looked like she was lost.

"Remember that time, in the pitch locker rooms? You got your hand caught in that bucket while we-"

James saw Sirius wince and glance quickly toward Ella, who-for some reason- was glaring at Sirius.

He nodded, cutting off her words.

Violet didn't notice the exchange. "We used to laugh about that all the time…she'd call you…" Whatever Milda had called Sirius, no one would be sure because the girl dissolved into tears once again.

"Shh, It's okay," he quieted her as he tucked her face into the crook of his neck.

"Maybe you should take her to the hospital wing." Ella suggested, avoiding eye contact with Sirius.

He shook his head. "She needs to hear what Dumbledore says. We all do."

They didn't have to wait long, as the Headmaster and teachers strolled in, with the prefects and Head Boy and Girl following. A hush fell across the hall, and those who had been standing quickly found their seats.

The teachers and prefects stood behind Dumbledore. _A united front_, James thought.

"Good Evening. It is with great sorrow that I welcome you all back early from your travels and even greater sorrow that you return in smaller numbers than you left."

Violet squeaked at the reminder of the loss.

"The attack yesterday on ten of your classmates and their families is truly a tradgedy, one that will forever leave a space within our hearts. And I despair to tell you that this is only the beginning of dark times. Voldemort's power is growing. His followers and resources are gaining, making him bolder and twice as dangerous. Many would rather I not tell you this, but instead ask you to put your faith in your ministry. Alas, I cannot ask you to do a task that I find impossible. Therefore, I ask you instead, to put faith in yourselves- in each other. For it is better to light candles than to curse the darkness. This world needs all of our power and love to survive, and each of us has something that we can give. We must each contribute if we wish to survive.

I will not insult you by pretending your lives are not in danger. Muggle-borns are not the only ones at risk. However, their peril is slightly more eminent..."

James glanced behind Dumbledore, to catch a strange look cross Lily's face. She was standing stiff and James swore he could see her face whitening.

"...For all muggle-borns wishing to seek protection for yourselves or your families, please come to Minerva or myself."

He paused, looking slightly sad.

"I know that words are of little comfort for you all on this eve, so please take comfort in each other- find strength in each other and enjoy your meals."

The tables filled with the usual feast, but no one moved to eat. James had never seen such an unenthusiastic response before at a feast. The prefects and heads made their way through the tables. Lily sat next to James and was the first to reach for the food.

Her face hadn't gained any of its color.  
"Whats wrong?" he whispered.

"Nothing, I'm fine."

"Bollicks. You're as white as Nearly-Headless Nick."

She glanced at him, gageing how intent he was on knowing.

"it's… i'll tell you-"

"Oi, I'm not going to have to move my bet up am I?" Daphne yelled across to them. "if you're already letting him whisper sweet nothings then I need to speak to Alice and Frank immediately."

Lily shook her head and attempted to eat, despite looking paler by the moment.

They were all walking out of the hall- minus Sirius who had taken Dodge to the hospital wing shortly after the feast began- when James' patience ran out.

Lily hadn't spoken once throughout dinner and James had caught tears in her eyes.

He grabbed her arm, "we'll meet you back there."

His friends nodded as he pulled Lily down a corridor. Daphne snickered, "oh, young love."

They stopped after a few turns and he faced her, noticing how she hadn't put up any fight with him whisking her away.

Before he could ask she said, "My parents."

He waited for her to elaborate. "They're in danger and they've no way to protect themselves."

"Lily you cant blame yourself."

"Cant I?... they could die! All because I'm a witch."

"You didn't ask to be a witch."

"But I love it! I love this world. I'd be miserable if I was muggle! And meanwhile my parents are being punished for it."

"it doesn't matter if you love it. If you could stop being a witch, just to keep your family safe, would you do it?"

She looked confused, "Of course i-"

"then that's all that matters. You can't stop being a witch, but you need to stop feeling guilty about it, because if you could control it, you would give it all up for their safety."

"I wish I could do it. I'd be miserable, but I'd do it for them."

"Well, that's impossible. So there's nothing to be done about it."

"You're wrong."

"What?"

She frowned, "I've already made my decision. I'm not going to sit by and watch him kill them."

"what are you talking about?"

"I'm relocating them..I talked to Dumbledore."

"What do you mean?"

"He agreed to re-locate them."

"oh…"

James thought about how hard it would be to leave your entire life behind.

"You're not going with them, are you?"

"of course not. Theres a war, i have to help."

James thought he understood her earlier despair. No contact with her parents until the war was through, it would be hard.

"You're upset you'll miss them then?"

"No..well..Yes- but that's not what I'm upset about…It's just, they wont leave willingly, i'll have to wipe their memories."

James eyes widedned, "what?"

She nodded absently, "They don't know how dangerous it is. They wouldn't go on their own and they certainly wouldn't leave me. I have to do it James, they'll die if I don't."

"Lily, that's… what about your sister."

She scowled, "Shes engaged, she'll be under a new name and she already avoids anything to do with magic…I'll have to charm her to believe they've died or something."

"when will you do it?"

A tear slid down her cheek. "This summer I guess. They've always wanted to live somewhere else. I'm going to send them there, wipe their memory of their children... and the wizarding world. When the war is done…if I'm alive, I'll get them."

More tears fell down her face and James stepped forward to wrap her in his arms. She shook slightly and he wished he knew what to say. She was taking a huge risk. Obliviating her parents could save them from Voldemort only if no record was kept of their whereabouts, a paper trail would be too damming if anyone went looking.

And no doubt Lily wanted to tell as few people as she could where she would send them, the cruciatus or veritaserum was all too good for revealing secrets.

If Lily died before the war ended, her parents would be lost, not remembering they had two daughters or of their home or jobs.

James let go of her, looking into her eyes.

"It will be fine. You'll get them back."

"what if I'm not strong enough. What if I can't do it."

"Then you can lean on me. I'll help you."

She nodded through the tears and deeply breathed, wiping away the wetness on her face.

When she looked decent, they made their way back to the common room, both hoping that they were strong enough to do what must be done.


	12. Hogsmeade

**Happy Reading! **

* * *

_When she looked decent, they made their way back to the common room, both hoping that they were strong enough to do what must be done._

"Ice Mice," Ella called out to the gargoyle, right before it swung open to reveal the staircase to the headmasters office. She tired not to cringe at the thought of the thing. She remarked at how quiet the statue had been as of late. It used to greet her before every lesson until she had once made a joke-asking if he, "gargoyled after he brushed his teeth."

The statute had taken great offence to the joke, telling her to, "take that cheap humor to the gargoyle on the third floor stairwell in the future." Ella hadn't understood, but Dumbledore mentioned something about it being very sensitive about dental hygiene.

Since then, the statute had been frighteningly silent.

She walked the stairs and slightly tapped on the intricate wood door.

"Come in, Ella."

Ella pushed open the door and walked into the circular room. She smiled at the pile of ashes on Fawke's perch, remembering the time she'd practically jumped into Dumbledore's lap when the bird had first burst into flames.

Dumbledore was staring down at a pile of papers, his glasses nearly slipping off his long nose. His smiling eyes glanced up at her, "I'll be just another moment."

She nodded and continued to study the room. The walls were lined with books and portraits of previous headmasters, Professor Dippet's was the largest, presiding directly behind Dumbledore.

Puffs of smoke were tinkering up one point on a desk toward the left side of the office near the cabinet that Ella knew he kept his pensive and collection of memories.

Ella's smile slipped away as she spotted the old witches hat on a shelf across the room. She'd had a peculiar experience with the notorious sorting hat. It had taken ten minutes to sort her, all of which they had spent arguing about which house she belonged in. The accuracy of the hats words still haunted her.

"_Ah, right, then," _It had whispered inside her head_._

"_What on Earth are you doing at Hogwarts, hm? Why not Drumstrang like those strapping brothers of yours?"_

_The twelve-year old had rolled her eyes, "and be referred to as babygirl by then entire school?"_

"_You would have fit there nicely. You're harsher than most. Direct. And you've got a wicked side."_

"_Did my brothers pay you to say this?"_

"_And humerous as well. Yes I see that. Hm, all that power-"_

"_what power?"_

"_-I haven't seen such a talent in ages!"_

"_you haven't?"_

"_No girl. Are you sure about-"_

"_I'm sure. Hogwarts is for me. I've already found mates."_

"_Yes, Yes. I see that too. And are you sure about that?"_

"_Sure about what?"_

"_I'm only suggesting that you be careful of the company you keep."_

"_Sirius is fine company, thank you."_

"_If you believe so. But his path will be a perilous one; one that effect will affect you."_

"_You're a bloody hat what do you know."_

" _I'm quite more than that, girl."_

"_Aren't you supposed to be sorting me?"_

"_Much rides on this decision, be patient, and show some respect for your elder."_

"_You're a hat! Just sort me."_

"_Hm. A difficult task for someone who does not belong here."_

"_I belong here!"_

"_Whatever you say," _it had said mockingly.

"_hm… wicked and cunning…playful and easygoing…witty and smart-but not in studies-"_

"_Hey!"_

"_-but definitely smart. Brave and protective…hm. definitely protective. But curious, you would excel in Slytherin." _He had chuckled, _ "You'd be their queen."_

"_I don't want to be queen. And Sirius said Slytherin's for bad wizards."_

"_Ah, see, influencing you already."_

"_Just sort me you bloody bonnet."_

"_Well…not Slytherin? And yes- you're not quite intelligent enough"_

"_Excuse me?"_

"_Oh, keep calm, child. Your powerful and smart in the areas that matter to most. Ravenclaw, however, demands a keen mind... Hm. so are you a people-person or a hero?"_

"_I'm no hero…"_

"_tisk, tisk…you are what you wish to be…What do you wish to be, girl?"_

"_Well…Sirius and James and Remus and Peter are all in Gryffindor, so it would be nice…"_

"_Perhaps you misheard but I asked what you wish to be, not where you wish to be…and try to have an original thought."_

Ella had pondered his question, wondering what she wished to be. Her brothers had been her protectors and she had been their shadows. At the time, two of them were already semi-famous for their quidditch skills and the other two were known as the best looking blokes at Drumstrang. Her mother was an Egyptian beauty who her father, a historian, had fallen in love with on holiday. At that point in time, Ella had never been anything besides the little sister, or the daughter to the beautiful Ronia. So when she told the hat, _"I want to be my own person,"_ she had decided that she would be. And Hogwarts would be where she could be.

She had heard the smile in the hat's voice, _"good decision… better be…GRYFFINDOR!"_

Ella shook away the thoughts of the hat and found a pair of twinkling eyes staring at her. He had a knowing look but did not mention it.

"I'm sorry for canceling your last few lessons."

"Its alright, Professor. A lot is going on right now…we can delay starting up again if you've no time"

"No, no. It's important you master this skill."

"Why is it important, professor?"

He sighed, "Because I fear if you do no master them then they may master you."

She felt guilty, thinking of the accidental invasion she had done to Sirius the day they learned of the attack. Thankfully, all she'd seen was a quick memory of his father ranting on about pure blood being superior.

"I understand. I'll try harder."

"Your legilimens skills are unparalleled Ella. And your Occlumens are good."

She heard the instruction in his compliment. "So I need my occlumens to be better?"

He smiled at her and nodded once.

"For most wizards, mastering occlumency is necessary for even beginning Legilimens. It is necessary to protect ones own mind to ensure you are not lost inside another. You, however, have done differently. Your talent made legilimens a natural act, as easy as eating licorice is for myself. Your occlumens skills are another matter. They have had to be built up, to be strengthened. Especially since you can enter anyones mind at any time. If your emotions get the best of you and your occlumens shield slips, then your gift will invade the mind of those near you. Ella, you may be more powerful than you relative and she was capable of erasing thoughts and planting ideas."

"I could do that!" She was horrified at the complete invasion such an act would be.

He nodded, looking slightly grim. "That is why, you must keep up constant shields, which is accomplished through strengthening your occlumency."

She collected her horror at the thoughts and took a deep breath. "Okay, let's begin."

He smiled and walked around the desk. "Now remember, I am also strong at Legilimens, so I don't expect your shields to be perfect."

She nodded, ready to show him how strong they had become in the past few years.

He pointed his wand at her slightly swished it.

His invasion was faltered momentarily, from Ellas shields. But after a moment she felt an feathery brush, inside her head.

When one's mind is usually invaded, two things influence whether the person realizes what is occuing. The first is the skill of the lgeilimens. If a legilimens is skilled enough to slightly ease in and out of a mind, then a victem would be none the wiser. Even if the skilled Legilimens had to dig deep for information, the person would simply think that the flashes and recalled memories (that the legilimens was procuring) had just simply popped to mind- a random thought.

The second factor is the intent. Even the most skilled wizards, were terrified of this idea. Forced to re-live your worst memories- trapped within them like a prison. To do so is such an ability of a master Legilimens. It was a particularly cruel type of torture, one that had driven many wizards half mad- one of which rumored to be Alaster Moody.

Thankfully, only a pair of wizards currently lived who could do such a thing, Ella was in the room with one of them. The other was Voldemort.

Ella bit her lip, in concentration and tried to picture the wall she kept around her mind. She had always imagined it as a steel structure, full of patchwork with other metals. It had a cruel whole in it, where Dumbledore had gotten through. She attempted to plug the whole and almost managed when Dumbledore stumbled upon her stolen moment with Sirius.

Ella's concentration slipped and her cheeks heated as her Headmaster watched her push the black-haired boy up against the lockers. The images then flipped to those of Sirius and Violet during the past week. First of the girl sobbing on Sirius's lap and then a montage of moments: her and Sirius talking intimately close by the fire, her laying her head on his shoulder as she cried, the pair hugging before dinner and to Ella's horror, she watched again as Violet jumped into his arms and snogged him outside the castle this morning.

Seeing the picture made Ella pissed, mostly at Sirius but partially as Dumbledore for rehashing such an upsetting moment.

She lashed out, with her own mind, wordlessly and wandlessly.

She had never purposely been able to do so before, but as soon as she let go, she felt Dumbledore be pushed from her mind, and instantly fell into his.

She saw a small boy in an orphanage stare open-mouthed as Dumbledore lit the cupboard on fire.

Ella wasn't sure why, but Dumbledore frequently thought of the boy. His name, she had once learned was Tom, though Ella had never met him.

She eased herself out, they were both panting from exertion, however, Dumbledore managed to look calm and happy, while she gaped for breath.

He sat in the nearest chair and dug into the pocket of his robes. "Chocolate frog?

Ella eyed him curiously.

"They help, really."

She took one. "I'm sorry for that, I didn't mean to lash out like that."

"Well, it certainly worked to get me out."

"I just don't get it professor! If I'm one of the most talented legilimens shouldn't I be top-notch in occlumens?"

He smiled wisely, "the world is all about checks and balances, and despite what most think, the two skills are very different."

She mulled that thought over, wondering if there was someone out in the world who was brilliant at Occlumency...

"Professor…about the attack."

"Yes?"

"I heard about the army, the one your building."

"I see."

"You've always said that I'm powerful and I want to help. I want to enlist."

He smiled kindly at her, "My dear, you are far too young, but I appreciate your offer."

"But, i'm sixteen next month."

"Seventeen is when you're legal. If you're still interested then, we can discuss it."

"But professor, people are dying and I'm useful. I can find out secret death eaters and maybe even help find Voldemort!"

"I have no doubt in your skills Ella. But I'm afraid it's far too dangerous for someone of your age."

She was disappointed with his answer, but in all honesty, she had expected it.

"You best be going. I believe Ms. Evans and Ms. Jordan are waiting for you."

"oh bollicks! I forgot, Hogsmeade." She scrambled out of the seat and toward the door.

"oh, and Ella," Dumbledore called out, his eyes twinkling. "I feel it necessary to inform you that Ms. Dodge has left school for the remainder of the year."

Ella was shocked. _Violet had quit Hogwarts?_

He nodded. "Yes. She's having a hard time with Milda's death and has taken the rest of the year to be with family. She said her goodbyes _this morning_," he said in a knowing tone.

Suddenly, the kiss and the whispers and the hugs held an entirely different content. _Hm._

"Well…uh, thank you professor. That's…interesting."

He nodded and she ran to meet the girls.

* * *

"For a fourth year, you sure do spend loads of time in the library."

Ella rolled her eyes, "have you seen my grades, I need the study time."

The lie came easily to Ella and she felt only slightly bad about it. After all, she had to explain her lateness somehow, and saying she had been invading the headmaster's deepest thoughts wouldn't work.

They were browsing through the racks at Gladrags Wizardwear for something decent to wear to this upcoming ball. Ella was horrified at the prodding and plucking that Daphne and Lily would no doubt demand of her.

"Honestly, Lily. Is anyone _not_ in love with you?" Daphne asked, exasperated.

They both looked toward the blonde girl. "What?"

She nodded toward the front of the store, where a dapper bloke was sorting through a pile of boxes. He looked mostly, like he was ignoring them, except for the occasional glance toward their red-headed friend.

Ella chuckled as Lily's porcelain skin turned as red as her hair.

"Quiet down, Daphne!"

Ella surveyed the bloke. He was wearing nice slacks and a green button-down. His tie was skinny and black and the vest he wore over the ensemble, made him look even more debonair.

"Who is that?" she asked.

Daphne pretended to swoon. "That's Evan Rosier! Oh, he's so dreamy."

"Yes, he is. He's also ages older than me."

Daphne scoffed, "Two years is not ages! That's the same difference between Sirius and Ella, and they're best mates!"

"Yes. Best-mates. They're not snogging each other!"

Ella quickly glanced away and Daphne looked scandalized by the idea. "Ew! Of Course they're not."

"-hey," Ella interjected. "what does _that_ mean?"

"No- it's just- that image is…wrong."

"uh, right…so Lily, how do you know this dreamboat?"

Daphne answered for her, "I believe that some snogging was involved with said dreamboat and our favorite red-head."

Lily shook her head, "it was a game of spin the bottle-"

The blonde snickered, "-You're so bad Lilykins!"

"-that you made us play!"

"_hm_. I don't remember it that way."

Lily gave up and turned to Ella. "We barley know each other. He was in Slytherin."

"You kissed a _Slytherin_!"

Lil shrugged, "it was before the war…house relations weren't so bad then."

Ella laughed, "Oh, wait until James hears _that_."

Lily scowled, "Potter and I are just friends."

"Oi? It's Potter again? What happened to James?"

Lil narrowed her eyes. "I. will. Hurt. You. Daphne."

She rolled her eyes, "no you won't... Let's go talk to loverboy."

"No! Just look for something decent for Ella and then we can leave."

Daphne pouted, "fiiinnneeee."

They were just about to leave when Ella heard a voice yell out.

"Ya' –Girl. "

They all looked around, wondering where the voice came from.

"Over here, girl- the redhead."

Lily went around the rack and started to giggle. The two girls followed her and also laughed when they saw _who_ had called out to Lily, or more accurately, _what_.

A pair of blue socks with brooms on them talked with no idea how strange the three girls thought such an occurrence was.

"The poor lad's been out 'ere for twenty minutes trying ta' talk ta' ya'. Least ya' can da' is say hello."

Lily's eyebrows rose and she turned to find Evan standing behind her, he had obviously heard the commotion.

He rolled his eyes, "Don't mind them. They usually only talk when someone's feet stink, but today they've taken an interest in my love-life."

Lily smiled at him. "It must be duff if you've taken up help from socks."

Ella saw interest in his gaze and as he chuckled. A piece of his curly blonde hair fell into his eyes.

"Well, it _was_... but thanks to this pair, I've gotten three offers to this ball so far."

"blimey, three dates will be a bit hard to dance with."

"Well, I didn't say I accepted anyone, did I?"

"Oh right. Holding out for lucky number four?"

He smiled charmingly at the redhead. "Actually, I am... Care to offer?"

_The bloke was smooth,_ Ella would give him that. The entire exchange Ella and Daphne had watched the two banter back and forth, like a Quidditch match.

Lily chuckled, "It's no imposition on me. And I'd hate to let these socks down."

"Great, so it's a date?"

"Umm.." Ella saw her friend stop to think of something and she wondered if James was on the girls mind. "…Sure," she said with a shrug.

He smiled a perfect set of white teeth at her, "Brilliant. I'll owl you for details."

Lily nodded and seemed a bit dazed as they left the store empty handed.

"Drat, Definitely need to move my bet, better find Alice and Frank ," Daphne mumbled.

"That was…surreal. Did I just agree to go to the ball with him?"

Ella nodded, "Actually, I think _you_ asked him."

Lily groaned into her hands, "Bloody hell, don't tell James that!"

* * *

At dinner that night the entire meal had been eaten in silence. Everyone had heard of Dodge's sabbatical and no one was quite sure what to say to Sirius. Sirius was saddened by her departure, especially since he'd spent so much of the past week trying to convince her to say. James, Peter and Remus were quiet for other reasons. The first two were nervous about asking the objects of their affection (Lily and a fifth year Sirius didn't know) to the ball. Remus was pale and anxious for his upcoming transformation that night. Daphne was chuckling a lot and it seemed it was at Lily's expense, who kept looking uncomfortable. Ella was giving him the same silence she had all week. He wondered if her anger had to do with him comforting Violet. He felt slightly guity about that. Their relationship had always been a romantic one and he wasn't entirely sure how to comfort the girl without that element. He hadn't snogged her or anything , well…besides when she'd grabbed him earlier. But he had allowed her lingering touches, her sitting on his lap and the head that she enjoyed resting on his shoulder.

It was probably for the best that Ella was brassed with him. It was safer this way, for both of them. _No hips, just friends,_ Sirius reminded himself-as he had all week. Her kissing him had blown his mind. And she had been right about his jealousy. That green-eyed monster was partially the reason Sirius had spent three hours on the pitch that day.

And all week, he had been trying to get the image out of his mind-Get rid of any inappropriate thought about those freckles or that skin above her trousers (that he had noticed constantly the past week)._Dangerous thoughts mate._

And now, Sirius had to deal with this bloody ball. Maybe he'd get lucky and get another bludger to the head. A cracked skull is reason enough to miss seeing her on another bloke's arm. And now with Dodge gone, Sirius had no idea who he'd even ask. Whomever he went with would expect dancing and snogging and Sirius had no desire to do that.

_You could always ask Ella, you wouldn't mind those activities with her._ His thoughts were traitorous and he quickly shot down that idea. Just friends. Just-

"Sirius could I speak with you… alone?"

He snapped out of it as she asked the question. _Shite…Alone? Hands to youself, mate._

"Uhh…"

She smiled and Sirius gulped as he saw mischief behind the blue gaze…_bloody hell._

"No worries. I won't jump you."

His eyebrows shot into his hairline.

"Trust me…" she cooed, "I think you'd rather have this conversation in private."

Their friends chuckled, "What did he do now?" Daphne teased.

James winked at Ella, "is he still trying to tell you who you're allowed to kiss."

She smirked, " He is, actually."

The table laughed.

"Go on then Padfoot," a pale Remus teased, "take your lashings."

Stiffly, he stood from the table and followed her out of the hall. He figured she'd stop straight away but she continued to walk up the steps and down the corridor.

"Trouble, what's this about?"

"Shut it- Just follow me."

They made their way to her favorite spot, the secret room behind the hidden tapestry and she turned, "Well?"

"What did you want to discuss?"

She smiled and took a step closer to him, "_us_."

_Just a friend, be firm. _

"There is no _us_, love." _Bloody hell,_ that had come out as practically a whisper.

She scowled. "I disagree. We've been friends for ages and you kissed me-"

"You kissed me."

"-the details are unimportant. Point is-you kissed me back."

He shook his head, the girl had no skill in logic.

"-therefore, your jealousy, plus the kiss, plus my jealousy creates an _us_."

"that makes no sense- wait…_your_ jealousy?"

She smiled. "Caught that did ya'?"

He watched as she stepped closer and started playing with his Gryffindor-colored tie.

"You were jealous?"

She scowled at him as if the answer was obvious. "Yes. Dodge was hanging onto you like a parasite all week."

"She was in a rough place."

Her eyes narrowed, "so she needed your lips for comfort?"

He ignored the remark. "She needed a friend, since hers was _murdered_."

"Right. Well I know how fond you are of snogging your mates."

"We weren't snogging…I was trying to convince her to stay all week."

He saw her temper come to life and remarked at how quick it did so, _just like mine_, he thought.

"Yes. I'm sure you were…Now that she's gone you've no one to rub your bloody shoulders or snog off your face on the grounds."

"that's curious, because I thought you were volunteering for the job."

She pulled on the tie, choking him a bit. "Consider this my application then," she snarled as she pulled the tie further making his lips come down on her own.

For a moment, Sirius tried to pull away, but he found that she left no slack for him to move. So instead, he did the only thing he could; he let his arms go slack at his side and let her kiss him, not responding.

_It has to be this way, _he reminded himself as he fisted his hands to keep from touching her. The kiss lasted shortly as she realized he wasn't going to kiss her back.

She let go of the striped tie and pushed at his chest. "Fine."

As he stumbled back he saw hurt cross her face. _He had done that. He had made her feel unwanted. _She was driving him mad in his dreams and in real life and the girl thought he wasn't attracted to her. That he didn't have inappropriate thoughts about her every other night. _Christ_, when she walks across campus the entire male population stopped to stare_! Stupid thought,_ Sirius remarked as the jealousy overwhelmed him…._Sod them, she's mine. _

She walked around him to leave as he reached out and caught her wrist. Ella turned wary of him, and he yanked her back and brought his lips to hers. It was just as frantic and demanding as the first kiss. Except this time, Sirius had the mind to act out one of his fantasies. As their mouths fought, Sirius reached down and ran his hands from the small of her lower back- over her arse (stopping only for a moment to revel in how amazing it felt)- onward down her thighs. Swiftly, he scooped her up by the back of her thighs and lifted her off the ground. She wrapper her legs around him as the kiss continued.

To gain more leverage, he pushed her back against the wall, and groaned as she bit his lower lip. The girl was a bloody pro with that tongue of hers. She was pushing all of Sirius's buttons and he was practically breathless as she ran her hands over his chest and arms. He flinched when he felt her cold hands to reach under his shirt and it served as the bucket of cold realization Sirius needed.

"Ella- wait. Stop." He untangled himself form her and they both tried to catch their breath.

"Stop telling…me what to do Sirius."

"Ella. This isn't right-"

"Why not? It's just snogging."

Sirius wondered if that was all it was to her.

"Three reasons… Our families, our ages and our friendship."

She rolled her eyes, "Our families would get over it, I'm nearly sixteen and your seventeen, your not ancient…and I'm not proposing marriage, just a bit of fun. Our friendship will be fine."

He wondered momentarily how she made it sound so easy and tidy. She could be right, but most likely their friends and family would be shocked- Sirius's would be enraged, their age difference would be difficult-especially the two years when he left Hogwarts and snogging would- for Sirius at least- forever make him want something more. Who knows if he'd even be capable of going back to friends after getting that part of her.

A reckless part of Sirius longed to try. To sod it all and just give in. Perhaps he could...

"It's more complicated than that…doing this would be daft."

"what?" she innocently said leaning up toward his lips. "This?" she asked as she lightly kissed him.

He groaned, but responded anyway. _Resolve of steel, mate_

"Or is it this?" she whispered as she deepened the kiss, sliding tongue between his parted lips.

_Sod it,_ Sirius decided, _i'm already bloody hooked._

Footsteps echoed down the corridor only moments before James called out, "I hope you haven't maimed him too badly Ella because we need him tonight.  
The pair sprang apart as Ella called back.

"No worries, I've seen plenty of dogs walk with three legs." Sirius made his way toward the tapestry, but was stopped as Ella grabbed his arm.

Puzzled, he mouthed, "what?" as she straightened his tie and tucked in his shirt.

Sirius thought his brain might explode as her hand lingered beneath his belt.

She nodded and walked out in front of him.

James was standing there, smiling. "True, but have you seen any battle with a werewolf? Be bloody tricky."

Sirius had lost track of all brain function somewhere between Ella fixing his tie and her hands leaving his pants. "huh?"

"Ah, just gave him a bit of brain damage, I see." James chuckled, "I can work with that."

"Give Remus my love, And I still hate you lot for learning to become animagus the summer I lived in Egypt."

The boys laughed as they walked away, it wasn't the first time they'd heard that.

* * *

Ella didn't tell James about Lily's date until two weeks later in the Hogs Head. Dumbledore had increased the number of Hogsmeade trips to raise moral and because the ball was vastly approaching. Remus, James, Sirius and Ella had been drinking their butterbeers when the conversation turned to the school's current favorite topic- the ball. James started going on about asking Lily and he had been so hopeful that Ella's guilt had overwhelmed her.

"SHE'S TAKING EVAN ROSIER!"

"-nd then she'll never- what?"

"I'm sorry James, she promised me she'd tell you herself!"

"Evan _Rosier_! He's ancient!"

"He's only two years older than her, that's barely ancient…," Sirius grumbled.

Ella smiled into her drink at his sentiments. The past few weeks they hadn't had a moment alone. But still, Ella just as involved as she had with any bloke she'd dated (if not, entirely more).

They would be in a roomful of people and he'd touch the small of her back or blatantly look up and down the length of her body. She wasn't sure if she was supposed to know about the latter, but both actions would knock all the breath from her.

Their jokes had also evolved. The words held slight teasing and secret-facts to them; like the time James had asked the group- last Sunday by the fire, the best place at Hogwarts they'd snogged. Sirius had said the Quidditch pitch locker rooms and Ella had said the room behind the tapestry. James hadn't noticed Ella's hand, which was hidden beneath a blanket, drawing circles on Sirius's open palm. He may have noticed Sirius flinch when Ella moved her hand to his thigh, but was quickly distracted when Lily announced that she had snogged in the headmaster's office.

Yea. Stolen moments were mostly what they had the past few weeks. And although Ella wanted to whisk him off to the nearest broom cupboard, she had resolved to let him come to her, let him adjust and accept that she wasn't letting this go.

_And,_ Ella admitted, _torturing him was quite fun._

Two days ago, in the library, she'd licked his ear lobe, while leaning over his shoulder to read a line from their muggle studies book. His entire body had stiffened as he quickly mumbled something about, "throwing himself off the astronomy tower."

And as she'd climbed out of the booth earlier, to get the boys another round of butter-beers she had literally climbed onto his lap to get out. He had made a small noise –something between a whine and a moan and Ella had been immensely pleased by the sound.

Her daydreaming had blocked out some of Jame's whining, but the three boys were still talking about Lily.

"-she even meet him anyway? And Christ…he's a bloody _Slytherin_!"

Remus shook his head, "James, we know plenty of Slytherin's who are good people."

"Are you loony Moony? Slytherin's are the worst…Right Padfoot?"

Sirius nodded unenthusiastically.

She scowled, "Stop, James. I met him, he's nice."

He turned to her. "You met him!

Ella nodded.

"Be honest, is he good looking? Would you snog him."

Ella glanced at Sirius. "Err… I don't know?"

"Christ, I'm an idiot… And now I need to find a bloody date."

She stared at him incredulously, "you were just moaning about taking the love of your life and now you're already planning on someone else."

"The love of my life is taking Evan Rosie-cheeks, Ella!" he snapped at her. "And you said the blokes snoggable!"

"I didn't-"

"Remus! Are you still friends with that lot?" He asked as he pointed to a group of three girls, one being the blonde hufflepuff Remus had once fancied.

"We're friendly, but I'm not asking a girl to the ball for you James."

He scowled, "That only happened once! And it was before I grew into my striking-good looks."

Remus shook his head. "Do you know her friends?"

"Well, one is…Lindsey something? And the other is Lee, right?"

Remus nodded, "Lindsey is already going with…" He looked back toward Ella and winced.

"What?" she asked.

"I wasn't sure if you knew. Arkie asked Lindsey to the ball."

Ella shrugged not exactly caring, though it did sting a little bit that he hadn't even mentioned it. They were friends now and nothing more but when she had asked him last week who he was taking he had mumbled something about a friend. Lindsey Pevrich…who Arkie had very publicly shagged at the annual end-of the-term bonfire last year, was not a friend.

She felt a hand squeeze her own, as Sirius nudged her from the booth.

"Happy hunting, mates. We're going to Zonkos for a bit."

"Later." "Bye"

He pulled her by the hand out of the Hogs Head, but instead of heading for the street turned back toward the ally behind the bar. He let go of her hand as she leaned back against the side of the bar. "You alright?"

"it's ace, Ace. Why are we back here?"

"Because your driving me mental."

"Sorry?"

He put an arm on each side of her body, trapping her against the wall.

"Don't act innocent. You know exactly what your doing."

She smiled wickedly, "Your right, I do. What's my punishment."

He leaned the rest of the way, kissing her breathless. This kiss was slower, more sure than the other two- but it was also deeper, more sensual in how soothing it was. The kiss was a promise and Ella was dangerously close to believing it.

He pecked her lips a few times and sighed happily. "I've wanted to do that for two weeks."

She smiled, "Me too, Ace."

His own smile turned wicked as he bent his head to kiss her neck. In between each soft kiss, he attempted to casually ask, "so..._would_ you snog Evan Rosier?"

"wha-..huh?"

"Rosier," he hedged as he continued to pick spots on her neck to kiss, "would you snog him?"

"um…no. No, probably not… too, too smarmy for me."

"What about Arkie?" he asked quietly, still working on her neck.

She leaned further back into the wall, "what about him?"

"were you still snogging him? Is that why you were upset?"

"No, not in ages…he lied to me."

"Good." He mumbled.

Ella's knees practically gave out as he licked her exposed collarbone. She was suddenly very happy to have worn a strapless-blouse today.

"Are you jealous, Ace?"

He grunted, "very."

She chuckled, "Good. So about this ball business…"

He stopped the wonderful kisses and frowned at her.

"What about it?"

"Let's go together."

He shook his head, "No."

Ella hadn't expected the flat-out refusal. For some reason, the kisses and touches and flirting had convinced her he'd gotten over his concerns. Call her crazy, but snogging in a back alley isn't something she did with all her mates. The rejection had stung twice as much as the Arkie-thing. Ella used anger to mask the hurt.

"Why not?"

"I told you. I don't want people to know. And this is just temporary."

She flinched at his causual dismissal of their relationship...she had honestly thought she was- _no, don't say it._ He continued to talk, looking increasingly uncomfortable.

"And…well, I should have told you…but I have a date already."

Her stomach dropped and a burning pain started to take station deep within.

Ella was furious. _How dare he call this temporary? How dare he snog me and someone else at the same time?_ But the thought that wormed it's way in, unstoppable and completely overwhelming was, _he picked someone else over me._

She used the insurmountable hurt to fuel the rage. _Anger_, anger was her friend.

"You. What?" she said, frighteningly quiet.

"Trouble…calm down."

She knocked his hands away and pushed at his chest, making him stumble back.

"Don't touch me."

He looked worried, "Ella, I'm sorry. I thought we agreed. Just a bit of snogging. I didn't think- We can't tell people…"

"Who is she then?"

He winced at the deadly quiet tone she used.

"Lucy Hopkins asked me two days ago. No one knows. I wanted to tell you first."

"How nice of you," she practically snarled.

She was trying to keep from physically-hurting him, to keep her shields up and to breathe. All were becoming too difficult, so instead Ella decided to only try two. She marched forward and connected her right hook with Sirius's eye.

"Oughhf...Bloody hell, you've blinded me!"

He was crouched over, holding his eye, obviously in quite a bit of pain. Ella bent over and pulled out every inch of false bravado she had left. _Don't let him see you hurt kid, _it was a motto her eldest brother, Roy, had repeated to her constantly. He had originally meant "the other guy" in a fight, but Ella had applied the rule to most situations in her life.

The smile hurt her face, and she imagined she still looked cruel, but the chuckle she forced out sounded pretty relaxed.

"Thanks Ace, I feel loads better."

She turned her back on him and let her face fall not listening to any of his pleas for her to wait for him or to come back and talk. _Sod him_, Ella decided, _she was through with talking, she needed action._

* * *

Ella's goal to Make-Sirius-feel-like-a-prat-arsed-Sod-of-rubbish had been fully in effect for an entire week. The name needed a bit of work, but Ella's vengeful soul was extremely pleased with the results. She had escaped his pleas to talk by pretending everything was fine. Then, she had absolutely stopped responding to his playful touches or secret-flirting. Thursday night the group of friends had even played spin the bottle. When he had spun, it had, of course, landed on her, to which she absolutely refused, stating, _"I would be emotionally scarred for life by such a vile unnatural act."_ She had, however, kissed James quite thoroughly, enjoying how brassed Ace looked.

She had been secretly thrilled yesterday, when Collin Robbins, the blonde Hufflepuff, she remembered for singing on the table over Easter Holls, had asked her to the ball…in front of everyone. His white-blond hair and sky-blue eyes were swoon-worthy, _much better than black hair and grey eyes_, Ella decided.

Ella admitted that part of her elation was the mad look in Sirius's eyes when she'd accepted, but mostly she found the boy absolutely striking. He was tall, taller than Sirius, and built with less mass.

And whatsmore, was that the seventh year was severely nice. He had been such a gentleman about the whole thing and had joked to only occasionally step on her feet.

* * *

**All i will say- if this chapter confused, saddened or displeased you- is that all is not what it seems.**

**Reviews motivate me.**


	13. Fingertips

**We are coming up on 50,000 words and I know exactly where this story is going, so put your trust in me to lead you there. **

**I had mad writers block with this chapter, so i'd love to hear your opinions.**

**Happy Reading!**

* * *

_And whatsmore, was that the seventh year was severely nice. He had been such a gentleman about the whole thing and had joked to only occasionally step on her feet_

"So, Prongs, still pretending Lily didn't demolish you by asking Rosier?"

"I don't know, mate. Are you still pretending you didn't wet your bed until you were twelve?"

"Sod off, that was Peter!"

He chuckled at his friend and spoke louder, as they walked to their desks in Slughorns room, "-and honestly, the girl kissed like a three-headed dog."

"What? Who are you talking about?"

"You're right, Padfoot. A girl that lush could kiss like a toad for all I care."

The boys walked toward their respective seats. James saw Sirius shake his head and spotted Lily scowl out of the corner of his eye. He dropped his books into his seat, pointedly ignoring her and plopped himself onto the table they shared. He turned to face Sirius.

"Speaking of lush… can you believe Ella's going to the ball with that seventh year! _Blimey_, didn't see that coming."

Sirius looked chauffed at the idea, "he's bloody ancient compared to her, isn't he. He could be her sodding Da'."

"That's a bit of a strech and he actually seems like a nice bloke. I just wasn't aware they spoke."

His friend grumbled, "_Neither was I,"_ just as he heard the redhead next to him snort.

"Something wrong...Lilykins?"

She swung towards him, "who told you to call me that?... ...Daphne!" she demanded.

He laughed, the frizzy-blonde had promised such an outraged reaction at the use of the name. She had also made him sign a contract swearing to never, _"reveal who disclosed the aforementioned nickname." She really was a cooke._

"Ah… if I told you that, I'd have to avada you. And I'm too fond of looking at you to do that."

Lily turned in her seat to where the blonde girl sat and mouthed something James didn't see. After she'd turned around, Daphne threw an accusing look towards James.

"So what was the noise for? Did you know of this budding romance between our female marauder and Collin?"

She shrugged, "No. But it's not a mystery with their looks-"

"-_What_ looks- They were _looking_ at each other?" Sirius demanded from behind them.

She ignored the boy, answering James instead. "-they're both the two best-looking students in the school."

James scoffed and heard Sirius mumble a curse under his breath.

"Well, that's just rubbish. Sirius and I are the best looking students at Hogwarts…You're a close third, I suppose." He smiled at her as Sirius mumbled, _"I reckon Ella's third."_

She shook her head, "you've best quit deluding yourself, Potter. Collin is practically perfect-"

"What's so bloody perfect about him? He looks average to me."

She sighed and answered Sirius, "That's because your tiny brain doesn't pay attention. Collin's lush- hair, body and smile. And his personality makes him more desirable than either of you duffers."

"You mean because he's a stick in the mud?"

"No, because he's genuinely nice. Him and Ella would make a strange pair, but they'd even each other out nicely."

"There won't be any evening out, Evans. Ella has no interest in the prat."

She turned to face Sirius. "And how would _you_ know?"

He glared at her, revealing nothing.

"Leave Sirius alone Lily, he's been in a strop these past as of late. "

"All right Sirius?" She asked.

"I'm fine."

"Take your frustration out on any house elves lately?"

James chuckled as Sirius grumbled something about "_was a bloody accident,"_ under his breath.

Sirius _accidentally_ sending a house elf to the hospital wing wasn't the only unsettling occurrence that had happened in the past few weeks. All month James had wondered how he'd ask his favorite redhead to the ball. He had even purchased a set of fireworks from Zonkos that spelled out any phrase, such as _"Go to the ball with me?"_ or _"Let's dance the night away."_

However, after Remus had chuckled at the idea, James had speculated that the show of affection might not be enough to secure a yes.

He had gone on to think of something grander, never really imagining Lily would say yes to another. After all, since the attack they had become quite good friends. They all sat together every meal and she called him James more than she called him Potter lately. Stupidly, James thought that Evans was starting to care for him. At the time she had maintained they were _just_ friends, but most girls said the same claim before snogging his face off. James grumbled at that thought, _of course Lily had to be different. _

James had been delusionally thinking something was growing between them when Ella had shouted at him that Lily already had a date. And even worse, her date was that witless-smarmpuff: _Evan Rosier_.

James had never forgot the boy's name from the time he had pranked the Slytherin Dungeon passcode. Rosier had been a seventh year and had practically blasted through the portrait to gain entrance.

At the time James had been impressed and frightened from the boy's power. Now, he felt threatened by it.

Naturally, when James had found out about Lily's date, his first reaction was to find her and demand, _"what the bloody hell she was playing at!" _Thankfully, James had talked himself out of such a daft act. Such a thing would have set back their budding romance profoundly. Instead, James had kept his cool- _well… mostly_.

He _had_ practically soared out of the booth when he'd realized he needed a date. Luckily, Lee Cunning, a beautiful fifth-year of Asian decent, had been close by and was dateless.

And that night at dinner, when James had congratulated Lily on her _"spectacularly boring date,"_ and had informed her not to worry- as he was taking the beautiful Lee, who was the "_Crouching dragon to his hidden tiger,"_ he had immensely enjoyed the shock on her face.

He had been further delighted to find that the less he showed how much he cared about her upcoming romantic night, the more time they spent together and the more she shared about herself.

Last week in the library, she had told him about her elation of receiving her Hogwarts letter and how poorly her sister received the news. And James had felt another wall between them crumble.

_Sure_, seeing her smile over her pumpkin juice, reading Rosier's letter did make his chest uncomfortably ache, but if playing nice was what it took, then he would- _well_, _mostly._

Part of their closer-comradeship had been falling into a harmless banter. And James often couldn't help himself; he loved to goad her. She would try to stay angry with him after such a teasing, but James was delighted to find that she could never stay in the attitude for long.

The class quieted and turned when Slughorn began to lecture. **"Today we will be learning and refreshing a number of potions that slightly alter one's appearance or mannerisms. These are basic potions but if brewed incorrectly can become permanent. The first we will-"**

"So," he whispered, as Slughorn rambled on about superficial potions.

"you _do_ know Rosier's going to put you to bed Saturday?"

She looked sharply at him, raising her eyebrows in question.

"…._Christ_, Lily, I meant bore you…not _THAT_-"

"Do we have to speak about this, _now_?"

"_Yes_. Now, answer the question."

She roller her eyes. "Why do you suppose he'd…bore me?"

"Well, he's clearly a duffer! It's too bad really, you're going to miss out on an excellent time."

"And I suppose this excellent time would involve me as your date?" She whispered back.

He smiled, wickedly, "Of course, love."

She rolled her eyes, "Honestly James, I'm surprised your head fit's in this dungeon."

"What can I say…Lilykins. I _am_ a marvel."

She had scowled at the nickname, "you're a _toerag_, is what you are."

"Well, at least I'm not a _Slytherin_," he said with a fake shudder, "Godric Gryffindor and I expected better of you Lily!"

"Which house Evan _was_ in is of no matter."

"_Bollciks_, house rank determines everything around here."

"House rank does not determine worthiness..."

"Tell that to Old Voldy."

A shriek of laughter escaped her and they both glanced to see if Slughorn had noticed, **"-abbling beverage for instance, causes the drinker to babble nonsense. It can be useful for outwitting an opponent or simply-"**

Ignoring the potions master, James continued their whispered conversation, "I suppose Rosier _is_ your type. You've always had a thing for strays."

"I have not! And Evan is not a stray. He runs his own shop!"

"Oh yes, _Gladyrags_. What a _reputable_ organization."

She laughed, despite herself.

"And I hear he's as fit as the Giant Squid. Ella said she wouldn't touch him with a ten-foot pole."

Sirius chuckled from behind them.

"Ella did _not_ say that."

"Oh? And how would you know which type of blokes Ella fancies?"

Lily wondered if she should tell him. _Surely he knew_, the whole school had heard of it. Besides, Ella had ratted Lily out about Evan, without as much warning.

"Well… there were rumors she was involved with his cousin. They're practically twins."

"Who's Rosier's cousin?" Sirius demanded from behind them.

"Reid Fellows..."

..."That bloke she flogged in January? She sent him to the hospital wing!"

Lily shrugged, "It's just what I heard. They were involved or some-"

Sirius interrupted her, "What did she say of it?"

"She just mumbles and says _she didn't mean to_ when he's brought up."

"Do you really think they-"

James was interrupted by a displeased Slughorn. "Mr. Potter, Ms. Evans, is there anything you wish to add to my enthralling lecture on pepper-up potions?"

"No, professor. James was just shutting up."

"Yea Professor, brilliant lecture, as always," James smiled charmingly at the pudgy man.

"I see. Well, this rivalry is all very amusing in the Great Hall, but I will not have it disrupting my class. Ten points each from-"

"-But professor, I can't _stop_ him from talking to me!"

"And I can't help Lily's infatuation with me," James added.

"-My _what_!"

"Perhaps you two could discuss the proper way to accept a punishment and the more intricate details of your infatuations in detention this Friday."

"But-" She was cut off as Slug horn raised his eyebrow

"Yes, Professor." "Cheers professor," James nodded before pulling out a piece of parchment labeled "detention tally," making a mark next to a column of twenty.

* * *

Before Lily knew it was Friday evening, the night before the ball. The week had flown by, a flurry of _nine-inches on uses for unicorn horns_ and meetings with the Slug-Club. She had barely had any time to write back to Evan's most recent letter. She felt uncomfortable at the thought. He was as nice as any bloke she'd talked to but Lily wasn't the least bit interested in the boy. Sure, she had fancied him after they'd kissed three years past, but he lacked a warmth that she had come to expect in anyone she truly fancied.

Obviously, he couldn't tell her platonic feelings by the tone of her letters, because his had become increasingly bold.

His first had told how great it was to see her and how he looked forward to _dancing the night away_. Lily didn't have the heart to tell him she despised dancing.

His next had still been fairly general. He'd wondered what colors to wear and asked if she needed anything for the night. She hadn't but his thoughtfulness was nice.

His third and fourth had been a little stranger. He had asked her plans after the dance and wondered if she'd accompany him somewhere. She had kindly replied no and he had responded that he hadn't meant that to sound eerie and she could invite some mates along.

Lily still though it a bad idea. The dance didn't end until midnight and leaving Hogwarts would be reckless of them. So again, she had declined but promised to spend ample time with him at the ball.

She had received his last owl yesterday, it had been a little more worrying than the rest, saying he would change her mind at the ball and that it would be a sensational night. His excitement was nearly palpable but Lily just couldn't match it.

_The ball __is__ tomorrow, no need to write back, _she finally decided.

She found Daphne in the common room, looking entirely too chipper for someone who'd been in class all day. The Frizzy-hair girl-stood and they made their way to dinner. "So do you have your dress and all that rift ready?"

"Yes, but I'm going to look ridiculous. Witch Weekly says redheads should _never_ wear black, says it makes us look deathly white."

"Since when do you read that rubbish?" Daphne scolded.

"_I don't_. That twit Lucy said it after she'd seen me try on my robes at Maldam Malkins."

Daphne pretended to shudder, "that slag is an absolute terror. I can't believe Sirius is bringing her."

Lily snorted, "I can. She's blonde and weighs as much as a pygme puff."

"Quite right… I can believe it. It's a marvel at how long it's been since I've seen Sirius with a girl attached to his face."

"Not since Dodge," Lily agreed.

"That's not like him…"

Lily thought about Sirius's love-life, for perhaps the first time ever. Since his interest in girls peaked their fourth year, he had always had a "flavor of the week." Ella was the only constant girl in his life and perhaps the only one who could keep up with the prat. They both had terrible tempers and they both jumped first and thought later. Not to mention their love for pranking and-after the scene Lily had witness on Valentines day- for snogging. Lily was suddenly struck with what a perfect match they'd make. _Hm_.

The Hall was filled with anxious tittering as they entered. Lily could practically feel the excitement coming from the girls and the dread from the boys. Ella, Remus and Peter sat on one side of the table, happily digging into their meals. Sirius and James sat on the opposite.

"Where's mouse?" Daphne asked as they sat down. Peter, who was quite a small boy, didn't appreciate Daph's sense of humor, but the other Marauders had lost it when she'd first used the name.

Remus answered her, "Peter's with Abby; his date. The poor girl is trying to teach him to dance."

"Why is he doing that?" Lily asked.

James held up one hand, and stage-whispered, "Because, Lily. That's what you do at a ball."

The table chuckled and Lily rolled her eyes. "Yes. Thank you James… I meant what does it matter? It's a ball not a-"

"_oh, here we g_o…" Daphne warned.

"What?" James asked.

Surprisingly, Remus was the one who answered. "Lily can't dance, James."

"Really?"

She shrugged.

"Why haven't you learned. We've had loads of balls."

"I'm just not interested in it."

He looked at her strangely and Lily felt her cheeks heat for some unknown reason.

As usually Daphne cut through the awkwardness, "Who are you taking, Remus?"

"No one," he smiled sweetly, "balls aren't my cup of tea, either."

"Yea," Sirius added, "it's his furry little problem."

"What does your demented rabbit have to do with the ball, Remus?" Daphne inquired.

Remus quickly glared at Sirius as the boy and James chuckled. "Uhh… right, well-"

"His rabbit get's quite jealous," Ella intervened, "chews on lass's legs if they get too close, Right Rem?"

Remus looked embarrassed about his rabbit's antics and Lily felt slightly bad for him. "No worries, Remus, my owl throws a fit if I don't sing him asleep."

Her friends eyebrows rose as Daphne nodded, confirming Lily was strange enough to lullaby a bird each night. Lily was slightly embarrassed about the admisson, but felt better when Remus smiled at her and nodded.

"Ace, will you pass the biscuits?" Ella asked.

Lily watched the two and saw something strange behind Sirius's gaze as he slid the biscuits down the table. As the biscuit dish passed from his hand to Ella's, Lily saw Sirius's fingertips linger on hers, drawing a smooth circle on her palm. A corresponding shiver went through Ella.

She glanced around, no doubt someone else had noticed, but _no,_ everyone was wrapped in talks of Puddlemere's latest defeat. _What the bloody hell was that?_

* * *

James met Lily on the grounds for their detention that night. Slughorn had kindly informed them that they'd be serving it with Hagrid. It was hardly punishment as far as James was concerned, something that he was sure Lily agreed with.

They walked in comfortable silence for a moment as he admired how wild her thick red-hair was in the spring breeze.

She fidgeted and fixed her face up before finally spitting out what was on her mind.

"James… have you noticed anything…between Sirius and…."

"_Lucy_?...the girl seems nice, right? It will be good for him, he's been so down-"

"No, no. Not Lucy… I was saying between Sirius and Ella."

"_Christ_, do you think they're rowing again? They seemed so happy a few weeks back."

"_Weeks_ back? What changed?"

He shrugged, "They were both upset for a while, about a month back. But they've seemed to mellow out."

"Do you think they…"

When she didn't continue, he asked, "what?"

She shook her head making a face as if she was being daft.

"Nothing… it's nothing. Let's go see what we're to do, Professor Slughorn said he'd be around back."

He shrugged and they made their way around the makeshift hut. James genuinely liked Hagrid, although he didn't see much of him. And he knew Lily also enjoyed the half-giants company. His slobbing dog, however, Lily did not enjoy, as evident when the beast licked half of her thigh in greeting.

"Ughh, thanks Fang."

"Don' mind him. He's jus' a lover, is all."

"Lucky, me."

"Good ter see ya', James, Lily. Whish it' be under better circumstances, of 'course."

"No, worries Hagrid. What's our punishment tonight?"

The large man nodded to the squared garden and then backs toward them.

"We'll be needen' some supplies firs'. Follow me," he said as they walked toward a misshaped shed.

Hagrid opened the rickedy wooden door and gestured for them to go inside it.

"You'll have to ge' em yourself, I don' fit anymore, mind you."

"What are we retrieving?" Lily asked.  
"Two pairs of gloves and tha' black feather on the top there."

James and Lily glanced toward each other. They both did not like the sound of what was to come.

"Err… what exactly are we doing Hagrid?"

"tenden' to the garden, of 'course."

They walked back toward the garden, noticing a large vine growing out of one end, green sprouts from another and bulbous brown plants directly in the middle.

"Put on yer' gloves." He instructed, putting on a pair of his own.

"Hargrid, what is that?" Lily asked warily staring at the brown protrusions James had noticed.

"that's what we're picken' todae… It' a sopophorus plant."

"Sopophorus…as in Sopophorus bean?"

"Too righ', Lily. Slughorn's havin' his seventh years whip up Draught of Livin' death."

James was shocked at such an advanced potion and was even further fascinated by the plant, which he knew to be extremely rare.

"Righ', so with yer gloves on, take this feather, here," he instructed, giving Lily the feather, "and tickle it a bit on it' tummy."

She glanced nervously between the feather in her hand and Hagrid's encouraging face.

"Lily, I can go first if you'd rath-"

She turned to him with a stern look, "I'm fine, James."

He nodded and watched as she awkwardly approached the plants in the middle of the chaotic garden."Watch out fer' the devils snare!" Hagrid called out as Lily's left foot almost became tangled.

She navigated through the rest of the plants and took a deep breath. Another thing they had learned about this plant, was it's notorious habit to take fingers and hands.

The bean was located in the very center and could only be accessible through it's single opening; its mouth. Killing the plant first and then safely retrieving the bean wasn't an option, as the bean would shrivel and die before retrieval. _No_, James recalled,_ the only way for the mouth to open and to safely retrieve the bean-_without it's razor-like teeth removing an appendage_- was to tickle it._

Tickling it somehow distracted the plant, James wasn't sure _how it bloody worked_, but he was hoping that it would. He rather fancied his future wife have all of her fingers.

She bent down and lightly swiped the feather across the underside of the plant. It's mouth opened and Lily slowly lowered her hand toward the opening. James could see the glint of moonlight off the hundreds of needle-like teeth within the plant and he nearly fell over when the mouth snapped shut, inches from Lily's fingers.

"Lily!" Hagrid held him in place.

"Yer gotta keep tickling it Lily. Don' stop or he'll snap 'attchya."

"That would have been lovely to know two minutes ago," she sang back to them.

This time, she kept tickling the plant's underside as she reached within it's mouth. She was wrist-deep when she jerked her hand out, stopped tickling the plant and nearly toppled over from pushing her self away with such force. Two black shriveled beans were in her palm.

Hagrid sighed from behind him, "had me worried fer a secon'"

"Exactly how many students have done this punishment before, Hagrid? I haven't seen too many misfits with missing fingers."

"You and James be the first. Dumbledore said yer could handle it."

_"Of course he bloody did,"_ Lily grumbled under her breath.

She passed the feather to him and stood next to Hagrid, slightly shaking.

"No worries," he smiled at them both, "I'd still be lush even with nine fingers."

She smiled tightly at him, perhaps picking up on his nervousness.

_Alright mate, you run with a werewolf, what's a little plant, eh?... You could still fly with one hand…most likely. And if it took your left you'd never have to write anything above a two-inch essay again! Maybe Lily would feel sorry for you and admit she fancies you- Christ, am I that desperate? _

He shook the thoughts and entered the patch, making sure to switch the feather to his right hand. _Hell_, if James was loosing one of them he'd prefer it'd be the one that would prevent future essays.

He leaned down and tickled the plant, running the black feather on it's spherical underside.

"That's right…" he cooed as he simultaneously put his fingers in the mouth. He could feel the teeth tickle along his skin as his fingers searched blindly for the two beans. "Nice, plant…You don't want to eat me."

He found them both in the right corner of it's layers and slowly pulled his write out. "I'm all skin and bones. I'd taste like- _AGHHHF BLOODY HELL_!" He ripped his hand away and howled in pain. "SODDING PLANT TOOK MY FINGER!"

Lily frantically jumped over the devils-snare as Hagrid yelled he was _fetchen' help_.

"JAMES! Stop moving- come here." She grabbed his right hand and led him out of the garden.

"Let me see it."

"_NO_! you'll hurt it. Bloody hell, _I'm turning Dumbledore's beard RAINBOW THIS TIME!"_

"James, trust me, give me your hand," she demanded and James winced as he outstretched his left hand. He had expected the blood running down his ring-finer, but he hadn't expected anything but a stub to be left. Instead the entire finger stood mostly intact as blood poured from some unseen wound.

She scowled as she inspected and quickly wrapped material around the wound. "It's your finger nail and some skin underneath."

"My- _what_?"

"The plant ripped it straight-off, I'm afraid it wont grown back, but I think you'll _survive_."

"Well…right, then…Okay." He slowly turned around, slightly dazed when he felt a thunk upside the back of his head.

He turned to find a narrow-eyed Lily, "what the bloody hell was that for!"

"A _fingernail_! You scared me sightless for a _bloody_ _fingernail_!"

"IT _HURT_! And don't bitch to me about scared, I thought I'd lost a finger."

"And I thought you'd lost an arm and would bleed out, _Christ_ James."

He noticed her pale complexion and how her hands slightly shook. There was a rip in her shirt, revealing part of her pale stomach. Lily must have used the missing peice to wrap around his finger. And she must had done it the moment he'd shouted because she had already had the material in her hand when she'd led him out of the garden. The realization hit James. She had been _worried_ for him, she had cared so much that he'd nearly frightened her to tears. And to James, that was worth loads more than any invitation to some daft ball.

After some sheepish explaining to Hagrid and Madam Pomfrey, and Hagrid kindly explaining that his feather had slipped from it's underside to it's stem, James and Lily made their way back to the castle minus one finger-nail and plus a newly settled sense of appreciation for each other. Lily may not be ready for a relationship, but James would wait, and he was confident that someday soon she would be.


	14. Bawl

**I hope you all like this chapter as much as I do.**

**The more you review, the faster I post.**

**Happy Reading!**

* * *

_Lily may not be ready for a relationship, but James would wait, and he was confident that someday soon she would be._

"Honestly, what are they trying to do up there…Charm themselves into Veelas?"

"_Trust me_, mate. We'd all rather not know." Sirius replied to an irritated Kyle Hodgers.

Sirius was in one of the small groups of boys assembled in the Gryffindor common room, waiting for their dates to descend the stairs.

"I agree with Padfoot. I'd rather _just_ see the end product." James said wistfully.

"Myself as well, but is it truly necessary they do it all together…at the same time?" Kyle hedged.

The group chuckled and a few picked at the collars of their uncomfortable robes. Their cluster included James, Remus, Kyle Hodgers, Collin Gibons, Roger Billing and Arkie Philcott. Each were decked out in their finest wizard wear except for Sirius, who had decided to wear his tailored muggle tuxedo- black from head to toe. The black material clung tighter to him than wizard robes and Sirius enjoyed sticking out in the room.

Even though, his date wouldn't be descending those stairs, and he was becoming increasingly late to pick her up, Sirius remained; hoping to catch a glimpse of Ella. Sirius was positive he had never seen her in a dress-as this would be her first ball. He wasn't sure if his reaction would be laughter or desire, but unfortunately he wouldn't get the chance to find out until the dance-_ as these bloody girls were taking too long._

He sighed and slapped Prongs on the back, "I'm off mate. I've got to pick up Lucy. I'll meet you there."

James replied in a singsong, "do everything I wouldn't do," as Sirius rolled his eyes and turned toward the other boys. He smiled toward them, "have fun mates." Sirius's eyes narrowed on Collin and the bloke actually smiled at him, "_not too much_," he grumbled before trudging out the portrait hole.

Sirius walked through the hallways thinking of Trouble. Things between her and him had been…strange. Her initial anger toward him had worn off in the past few weeks even though she had maintained the entire time, _"things between them were ace." _However, Sirius knew better. The day after their fight he had tried to speak to her, to understand her anger- and had instead been informed that they were _allowed to shag whomever they wanted,_ and that neither of them had, _no claim on each other._

Her words had been harsh, but still Sirius had felt it necessary to attempt to explain his reasons for taking Lucy- w_hich in truth was complete cowardice-_but he found he couldn't be honest with her if he had any chance at salvaging what was left of their friendship.

Those weeks after Ella had kissed him behind the hidden tapestry, Sirius had deluded himself into believing he could keep things casual with her, _get it out of his system,_ and then go on to be friends. _Just temporary-_ he had reminded himself, every time she'd touch his hand in secret or blatantly flirt with him, making him feel more happy and at home then he had in ages. And despite absolute zero snogging during those weeks, Sirius had felt completely involved with her. He found himself looking forward to seeing her every night, even if the companionship was completely innocent.

His delusions of his ability to control his feelings, and to simply _get it out of his system_, had altogether shattered one night at dinner. Trouble had sat across from him, next to James- a natural occurrence. His two mates had been joking about the mystery of whom James would ask to the ball, when his friend had jokingly professed his love for Ella and tucked her under his arm. James had chuckled and turned his blue eyes in a smile toward Sirius, with his arms still wrapped around Trouble's waist. And Sirius had practically jumped from his seat at the surge of jealousy. _Get your knubs off my bloody girlfriend, _ he had thought.

The admission had shocked Sirius and had forced him to realize he wasn't just temporarily indulging a scratch- _no,_ Sirius had sodding fallen in love with Trouble.

And what a trouble that was, as it was obvious he had only two options left: the first was to end it completely- something he selfishly didn't wish to do. The second option was distance- some emotional space between the two for Sirius to let things naturally cool down on his end.

He had chosen the latter and an opportunity to do so had presented itself when Lucy Hopkins had asked him to the ball. Agreeing to take her had, in truth, relieved him; as it was the first time he had put effort into honestly "keeping things casual" between himself and Ella.

And although he had known she wouldn't mind-a_fter all casual had been her idea_, Sirius had been nervous to tell her- mostly because his own hurt that would occur when she just shrugged it off. However, he had been gob smacked when she had gone mental over his plans, obviously offended.

_Yea_, Sirius agreed looking back, _it probably was proper to take the girl you were in love with and occasionally snogged over a stranger._

Sirius shook himself of the thoughts as he climbed the spiral staircase that led to Lucy's house; Ravenclaw. The top of the stairs abruptly stopped and opened into a short corridor with a large bronze-eagle knocker as the focal point. Sirius hoped the bloody knocker wouldn't pick a hard riddle. It sprung to life at his presence,

"_**If you break me, I do not stop working. If you touch me, I may be snared. If you wear me, all will know. If you lose me, nothing will matter."**_

_Christ, why didn't he ask Lucy what the bloody answer was?_ Sirius mulled over the riddle for a moment, trying to substitute a number of objects. But no object he thought of fit. His frustration became palpable just as he heard a small voice behind him,

"Your heart."

He spun around to face a small blonde girl with dark eyebrows. He recognized her as Gibons' best mate, _something_- Mckinnon.

"_**Well reasoned,"**_ the knocker spoke from behind as the door to the common room swung open.

The girl was a small thing, wearing a pale-gold gown. He nodded to her, "thanks, would have been out here all night."

She gave him a small smile, "Your Sirius?" she asked uneasily.

"Yea. You're Mckinnon right? Gibons' friend?"

She nodded, "Payton." And then nodded to the door, "We best go in." He agreed and turned to walk into the room, her following behind. The walls were covered with blue and gold silk and the windows were enormous compared to those in Gryffindor. Sirius could see mountains out the windows and he saw the girl duck her head, hiding a smile.

"What?" he asked.

"First time?"

"At night…. how'd you know?"

She shrugged, "You have that look."

He chuckled, the girl barley spoke and he could tell she didn't think too highly of him and yet Sirius couldn't help but like something about her quiet-calm stature-d_espite the poor company she kept...bloody Gibons._

"Are you here for you're date?" He asked her.

"A friend."

Sirius nodded and noticed Lucy come down the spiral staircase. She was wearing a white dress which reminded him of a toga, as it wrapped around on of her shoulders. And her white-blonde hair was wrapped on top of her head by a thin gold rope. Sirius had never spoken much to her, but she seemed a genuinely sweet girl. Her stunning looks didn't hurt either. _Sod it,_ he decided, _tonight he would have fun, he would enjoy his absolutely striking date and not think about Trouble-_ something he highly doubted possible.

"You look smashing!" she beamed at him.

He kissed her cheek , "you too, love."

He saw Mckinnon hug a boy with waist-length white hair in periwinkle blue robes. Without a word, they turned to leave.

"Sha'll we?" he asked, giving her his arm.

"I'm glad we're going together," she cooed as they walked down the winding staircase, "I was so nervous about asking you."

"I'm glad you did. Tonight will be fun."

"Yes, but please! -don't think me classless if I step on your feet."

He chuckled, "no, worries. I loathe dancing.."

Her green eyes turned up toward him and Sirius foolishly wished they were indigo, "I'm sure there are other ways we can entertain ourselves," she purred.

* * *

The numbers of nervous looking couples outside the hall were a bit difficult to navigate through, but with enough shoving, Sirius and Lucy managed. They entered through the enormous doors and Sirius marveled at the decorations.

The hall was lit purely by hundreds of enchanted candles floating above. Each candle was inside a colored paper lantern throwing off a bright color onto the floor below. Colorful flowers, grass and moss decorated each of the walls. The adornment was impressive, but mostly Sirius thought it looked like a wood sprite had thrown up in here.

"Oh! There are Beth and Lissa, Do you mind if we talk to them?" She asked him.

"Sure…go ahead."

"No, please! I want you to come."

He shrugged and allowed her to tow her across the hall.

* * *

Thirty minutes later, Sirius was bored and aching to leave Lucy to find James. However, every time he suggested it, she turned those bloody green eyes at him and bit her lip in worry. After his fourth failed attempt, he decided another tactic; "I'll go get us drinks. "

"Brilliant! Thank you Sirius."

He nodded and wedged through the crowd, standing on his toes to spot the tips of his Prong's hair. Sirius was relieved to see _him_, Cunning and Remus laughing by the punchbowl.

"Ah! There's Mr. Muggle suit-model!"

"All right, James? Remus? Lee?"

She nodded, "James just slipped a hair-raising potion into Professor Abbotts drink."

James confirmed it, "Sad thing is, no one can tell."

Remus smiled, "Where have you been?"

"Has Lucy been keeping her love-muffin all to herself?"

Lee giggled at James's antics.

Sirius was begrudged to admit that part of his anxiousness to find James had been to find Ella. And her absense from the group made him realize how disappointed he was that he hadn't seen her yet.

"Where is everyone else, then?"

James nodded to the throng of bodies on the dance floor. "Mostly, dancing in there somewhere. Except Lily and Rosier, they're talking to Slughorn." James nodded toward the corresponding wall, a spot not too far from Lucy and her friends, and Sirius spotted the redhead and a tall curly-haired blonde.

Lily looked pretty, in a black silk dress that flared slightly at the knee and Sirius tried not to laugh at how James's mouth nearly watered looking at her.

_You've got it just as bad, mate._

He scooped two glasses of the orange drink and told his friends he'd return shortly.

Even as he made his way across the hall, his eyes stayed glued to the dancers, trying to spot the flash of long-dark hair.

Just as he reached Lucy and her group of boring minions, Sirius saw _her_.The dress she wore was navy blue chiffon; the skirt flowed loosely from her waist. The top half of the dress was intricately ruched, but Sirius mostly noticed the low "v" that shaped her breasts and the small beaded capped sleeves that fell just off her shoulders. He also noticed her dark hair fell past her shoulders in waves and her large eye's looking bright and lightly rimmed with black; making her look scorching.

_Bloody sodding hell, She was the most attractive girl Sirius had ever seen._ And apparently, the rest of the room agreed, as many of them were watching her dance within Gibons' arms. Sirius saw her throw her head back, as she and Collin had a genuine laugh and the surprise of it made him blindly stumble.

A shriek erupted before him, and he snapped out of his trance to find the glass of orange-liquid he'd held down the front of Lucy's dress.

"YOU BLOODY IDIOT!"

Sirius was confused at the harsh tone, he hadn't thought she'd be even capable of raising her voice after how passive she'd been around him.

Silence descended upon the hall and Sirius turned to where he had spotted Ella.

She was looking in curiosity at the scene and when she noticed him, he saw appreciation pass through her gaze. One of Lucy's friends helped her out of the hall, but Sirius barely took notice. He nodded toward a terrace. To _her_, it seemed a suggestion, but with the way Sirius was feeling, it was practically a plead for mercy. He saw her glance toward the terrace, guarded and he resolved himself to walk to her and ask to dance-despite absolutely loathing the idea.

_Don't hurt the bloke_, he had to chant as he glared at the hand Gibons had on the small of Ella's back.

They had started dancing again by the time he'd navigated through the crowd, but Sirius knew Ella had seen him coming because she looked stiff in the movement.

"Mind if I cut in?" _Don't hurt the bloke, don't hurt the bloke._

The boy turned and shined him with a full smile, "Of course not! Mates before dates, I always say."

Ella smiled at Collin before he walked away. Sirius saw him grab Mckinnon from one of the tables and nudge her to the dance floor.

Slow, classical music was still being played- as always for the first half of the ball, and for once, Sirius was happy for the droll. It allowed him to hold her, something he hadn't let himself do since the day he'd realized he loved her.

She flinched as his arm wrapped around her waist. "There honestly are no words for how beautiful you look tonight."

She smirked at him, "You look pretty lush yourself. Where on earth did you get a muggle tuxedo?"

"Andromeda insisted we wore them to her wedding. It was that summer you were in Egypt."

"Oh, and you fancied you'd wear it tonight because….?"

He paused and decided to use the sentiment he had been feeling the moment he'd seen her. "…..Why not?" The phrase applied to more than just his apparel and Sirius saw her eyes narrow as she picked up on his meaning.

"Oh, I can think of a few reasons," she said slightly huskily.

"And what would those be?"

"Well our friends, first of all… They'll be disgusted about the difference…"

He chuckled at her mocking tone.

"…And then there's your family, no doubt your mum would die of shame" She pretended to shudder, "anything of muggle descent she loathes...

And, well…our friendship could be destroyed if I don't like it."

"Those sound like excuses, not reasons."

She snorted, "_That's what I thought_."

"So is that it then? You've no reasons left?"

"_Well_, your current date is a good one… I suppose she could be displeased if the two of you were... out of sync."

"The two of us were never in sync so us-…err, so wearing a muggle-suit wouldn't matter much."

"yes- I see that from the improvements you've made to her dress. Okay then, I've run out of reasons."

He couldn't stop himself from staring at her lips, "so have I."

"But what if you're choice ends in disaster, will you regret it?"

He chuckled, "Are we still speaking about my choice in suits?"

She smiled, "I'm not… Are _you_?"

He leaned his face closer towards hers, wanting very badly to kiss her; friends, parents and their friendship be dammed.

"I haven't been for a very long time, Trouble… come outside wit-"

"Oh, there you are! Sirius, _look_, I got the juice off,! Let's dance," Lucy managed to pry him away from Ella in a surprise attack. By the time, Sirius had shook her off, he saw anger in Ella's eyes and a bloke had already stepped up to take his place. _Bloody hell. _

* * *

Ella had never met anyone as nice as Collin Gibons. He had truly been the ultimate gentleman the entire night, keeping her dancing, drinking and laughing with ease. She found him sweet and his impressions of Professor Dumbledore and Professor Binns were uncanny. The first two hours of the ball had flown by.

They had spent most of the time dancing, something that Ella loved to do and the rest laughing in a group of her friends and his. Ella had quickly noticed the longing glances her fellow-fourth year- Payton Mckinnon- was throwing Collin and felt slightly bad for possibly interfering.

Despite being slightly guilty, she had found it all quite funny. Payton was in love with Collin and Collin was oblivious, James was in love with Lily and Lily was obstinate, Remus was too terrified to get close to any girl, kyle was in love with Daphne who loathed him _(when they weren't snogging)_ and Lucy was infatuated with Sirius who was- _what? What was Sirius_? Ella certainly knew what she was- a horrendous emotion she had allowed herself to realize two weeks after the scene at Hogsmeade.

And despite the strange encounter between herself and Sirius, she had no idea what he thought. The boy ran hot and cold like an expired fire-pop. And Ella knew she wasn't over the hurt and mistrust about him being here with Lucifer Hopkins.

James broke through the angry haze, by approaching the body next to her, "Where's your date, Lily?"

She nodded toward the far wall, "Speaking with his cousin," Ella could see the two blonde-boys were speaking and her stomach slightly clenched at the sight.

_She hadn't know they were cousins! Why hadn't anyone told her? _Reid was- Ella felt slightly sick, _perhaps she had been mistaken, Dumbledore said it could have been a mistake._

Despite her slight-panic, she smiled as James held out his hand towards Lily.

"James, I told you I don't…I _can't_ dance."

"You can with me leading, common old-girl."

She looked uncertain but allowed him to lead her to the floor. They settled into the edge of the crowd as James instructed her what to do. Ella chuckled when James wrapped his arm around the redhead and lifted her entirely up, resting her feet on top of his, as he expertly danced to the song.

Ella was listening to Daphne remark on how much better this music was compared to the droll trifle of the first two hours, when she saw James nod to someone deeper within the crowd.

Her gut twisted as a couple left the floor and she spotted Lucifer wrapped tightly in Sirius's arms. Stupidly, Ella pushed down the jealousy at how content he looked.

She had never seen him in a tuxedo and she was entirely happy that she hadn't before now. _I'd fall for him the second I saw it, _she wagered… His pants were snugly tailored to him, making his arse look like perfection and the jacket made him look long and lean. The black shirt and back-bow-tie underneath made him look like danger from head to toe, _good enough to eat,_ was what she had thought when she saw him.

Lucy only reached high enough to rest her head on his shoulder, but Ella admitted that the girl was beautiful. She had lined her green cat-like eyes with black and the dress molded nicely to her large chest and hips.

Ella had to admit that they looked spectacular together. _This was Sirus's usual type_. She felt momentarily daft, for deluding that he may give _that _up for her, but she quickly shook out of the thought. _You are just as fit-_, she assured herself, -_in a non-tiny non-platinum-blonde sort-of way._

She turned to Collin, who was speaking to Lee about Hogwarts possibly adding a Divination course, "Sorry Lee, but do you mind if I steal my date for a dance?"

Lee obliged and the two made their way out. Dumbledore had gotten the Dung-Bombs to play for the second half of the ball. Despite their name, Ella found their music soothing.

"Are you having fun?" he asked as they danced. "Yes, Are you?"

He nodded, "I just feel a bit bad for Payton, that Ravenclaw wont shut up."

Ella laughed, "Xeno is a _character_. He once told me that I was suffering from "Loser's Lurgy" over a chess match I lost to Sirius."

His smile grew, "_Honestly_?"

She nodded and they both had a good laugh at the eccentric boy.

"So how long have you and Sirius been together."

She tripped over her feet at the question, but thankfully he steadied her.

He smiled, appearing not upset at all. "How did you-"

"I saw you two dancing earlier. It wasn't hard to guess….Plus he's been looking at me like my skin would make a nice rug since I asked you."

"He has?"

He nodded.

"I'm sorry, Collin. It's…complicated. Are you upset?"

"Not at all, don't fret," he said as he pulled her closer again to dance.

"I feel like rubbish."

"Don't- I actually have something to confess…"

_well, that sounds lovely,_ she thought.

"Hear me out… but I asked you here on a bet."

"Excuse me?"

"It was nothing like _that_. It's just, Payton bet me I couldn't do this stupid quidditch trick- betting is sort of our thing- and she said if I lost, I had to ask the person- the person I was too terrified to even tell her about- to the ball. I lost and…well, I asked you."

Ella tried not to cringe. No doubt, Payton had thought that girl would be her.

"It's fine, thanks for the honesty, i guess."

He nodded over her shoulder and she glanced back to see Sirius. "So what's the deal with you two?"

..."Are you sure you don't mind?"

"Not at all."

"Well…we're somewhere in-between friends, enemies and dating. He's terrible at talking about anything of value-as am i- …It's just all a bit confusing. I can't even remember if I'm supposed to be mad at him. And I've no clue what the duffers thinking."

"Well …" Collin said with a smile in his voice, "right now he's thinking about either your hips or bum."

"_what_?"

"Don't turn around. He's staring; _pretty openly might I add_."

She chuckled and swayed her lower end playfully, making Collin also laugh.

Collin pulled away, in order to stare into her eyes, "Do you love him?" he asked, no jealously or maliciousness on his face.

Ella wasn't sure what to say. She had never said the words out loud and didn't want to now. _And honestly, maybe she didn't- maybe it was just a hormonal delusion- best to just ignore-_

"Ella, it's a simple question. But it's an important one; be honest."

She cringed and realized that this may be her only chance to truly say it. No one else knew about her and Sirius and with his mood swings, Ella highly doubted she'd say the words to him. Collin was giving her a gift; he was an impartial- supportive outlet. And she'd be dammed if she weren't going to use it.

"Yes," she forced the words thickly out of her mouth, "I love him."

"Right," he nodded and quickly glanced behind her before pulling her into a kiss. His lips were warm and hungry on her mouth and she didn't altogether hate the sensation. She didn't want to push him away, he had been so nice to her, but she also didn't want to respond-best not to encourage him, _although it should have hardly encouraged him saying she loved Ace._

The sound of flesh hitting flesh allotted Ella time, to quickly remove her hands from Collin's neck _(where they had been while dancing)_ before the boy hit the ground.

A fuming Sirius was standing over him and Ella was shocked at how furious Ace looked. He turned toward her, and then took stock of their surroundings. He must have wanted to avoid any further scene, because he took her arm, pulling out on the terrace.

"Let go! I have to check on Collin. Sirius!"

He put his back to the door, trapping her from leaving. "What the hell was that!"

"I can't believe you hit him! Are you sodding mental."

"Why did you kiss him! What are you playing at?"

"_What_, Sirius… Are you going to knock out every bloke I kiss for the rest of my life?"

"You bet your bloody arse I am!"

"You have no right to do so. You have no claim over me."

His hands were shaking and Ella saw a cut on his right knuckle. His body was practically-vibrating, something she had seen him work himself into only a few times. He took three deep shuddering breaths.

"Why did he kiss you?" he asked, his voice much calmer.

"Why do you _care_ Sirius. We were just _temporary_, remember? _A bit of fun_."

"Is that what we were?"

"According to_ you."_

"Well, what do you _bloody_ think?"

Ella clenched her fists and yelled, "I think I've gone mental!" Sirius was taken back by her small outburst.

"What does that-"

"What do you want from me Sirius? Do you want a friend? Or is this something more."

He scowled at her, "Of course it's something more! Have I ever opened a knuckle…twice… For some girl?"

"But that's just it… I'm not some girl. We're best mates."

"We _were_ best mates. We're"…"something else now."

She laughed at him incredulously, "_Christ_, you can't even say it!"

"I-"

"-Fine," she interrupted, "If you're too much of a bleeding git to say it, I will…."

Ella opened her mouth twice, she could do this. J_ust say it, take the rejection and be on your way._

"I-" …. "I'm-"

A knock from the other side of the patio doors startled them both. Sirius sighed, "Go away James!" There was a moment of silence before James responded, "Just don't hurt him _too_ badly, Ella," before his shadow departed from the other side of the door.

They faced each other again and Ella wasn't sure she'd be able to say the words necessary. Thankfully, she didn't have to.

"I care about you…_too_ much"... "I went with Lucy because I was getting…_strong_ feelings."

"And that's not what you wanted?"

Sirius didn't answer her at first; he looked as if he was trying to decide something before a look of defeat took him eyes, "…I want you."

"_As a friend or_…" She stopped when he shook his head and walked toward her.

When Ace was just inches away, he trailed a finger from the top of her nose, down her cheek to the remaining freckles on her collarbone. "I want _more_…with you."

He leaned in and slowly kissed her and she instantly responded by threading her finger through his hair- pulling him closer.

* * *

Ella wasn't sure how long they staying kissing on the balcony. Her fingers had started to feel numb just as they both heard an angry knock on the glass.

"Sirius? Ella? I'm Sorry but- I need your help. James and the others left Hogwarts. They're headed to a party at Evan's flat above Gladyrags…they wont listen to me that they'll get in trouble or worse and I can't find Remus."

Sirius shook his head and threw open the door to find Lily in her dress and an oversized jacket. Ella Quickly adjusted her dress and tried not to chuckle at the lipstick smeared across Sirius's face. The ball was dying down, even with a half-hour to go.

Lily glanced from Ella's dress to Sirius's newly aquired lipstick and pursed her lips, "Uhh…Sorry, but I, uh….couldn't find anyone else and-"

'"It's fine. Who went with James?"

Lily answered Sirius with a longer list than Ella had expected, "Evan, Collin and his friend Payton. Payton's date- that peculiar Ravenclaw-"

"Lovegood," Sirius supplied.

She nodded, "Right, right-_him_, Reid Fellows, Daphne and her date Kyle…I told tem it was mad, but they wouldn't listen."

Ella's face had drained of color the second she'd heard his name. She hadn't been too worried throughout the night, Rosier hadn't done anything frightening and she had vowed to tell Lily as soon as the ball was over, she just wasn't sure how she'd explain what she had accidentally seen in Reid's head last January.

"Why the hell would James go with Rosier? He hates the bloke."

"Evan said he had firewhiskey."

"Ah, that makes sense." Sirius agreed.

Lily rolled her eyes, "They left thirty minutes ago, we should go get them before they all loose house points and Slytherin gets awarded the cup just for James's stupidity."

Sirius shrugged, "_Maybe_ we should let them be. A little fun won't _kill_ them."

Sirius's phrasing had snapped Ella out of her reprieve and she came out frantic, "_No_… We have to go.. _now_!"

She ran out of the hall, towards the One-Eyed Witch passage that led the Hogsmeade. She was practically there before Sirius caught her around the waist, Lily was close behind.

"Ella…" He grabbed either side of her face, "What's wrong?"

She struggled, pleading with him to believe her, "They're in danger! They could all die! We have to go! PLEASE!" He stared into her eyes a moment longer before nodding and jogging toward the ugly statute. The hump opened and Sirius instructed Lily to go in first, Ella heard the girls squeal as she slid into the darkness. Ella was emotionally frantic, and trying to keep up her shields. _They will be fine, They will be fine._

"Yea, Trouble. They'll be fine…here," he handed her his jacket, "put it on or you'll freeze."

He drew his wand and Ella lifted the skirt of her dress, extremely happy that Lily had instructed her to tuck the wand in a leather band around her thigh. Sirius's eye's widened at the action.

_They will be fine. It will be fine. _"Let's go."

* * *

Sirius was quiet as he crept out of the Hogs head; he glanced down the narrow street, vigilant besides having absolutely no idea why Ella was so upset. Lily guided them to Rosier's shop, and they all stopped when they saw the store light on.

_What's going on?_ Sirius wondered.

The three of them got close enough to peak into the window and saw James protectively standing in front of the group his wand drawn on Fellows, who had also drawn.

Sirius immediately, lurched forward. Ella pulled him back, " Stop! Rushing in there will solve nothing."

"Who does he think he bloody is!"

"Ace, he's one of _them_."

He looked at her sharply, "one of what?"

She looked grim, "he's a death eater, I think maybe Rosier is as well."

"How do you know that?"

"It isn't important. We need a plan."

Lily, who had still been peaking into the window joined the conversation, "I think they're waiting for something."

Ella winced.

"What would they be waiting for?" Ella began to speak but before she could voice her opinion, a shriek of pain cam from inside, followed by a strong voice, "We've got wards on the place, and we know you're out there." Sirius saw Ella shudder. He recognized the voice of Reid Fellows.

Rosier chuckled, confirming Ella's suspicions, "Red-Rover, Red-Rover send that mud-blood Dillonsby over."

Sirius looked at her, slightly in disbelief and slightly accusing. _They wanted her? _"What the _hell_ is going on!"

"Listen…" she said, "Lily, run back to the Hogshead and wake Aberforth, he sleeps above it. Tell him to call Dumbledore- tell him I'm in trouble." Lily nodded and ran back down the street.

As Sirius glanced at her retreating figure, he felt his entire body stiffen. His eyes pivoted back Ella and saw a grim determination on her face, with her wand still pointed at him. _She had bloody Immobulused him!_ He was instantly frightened and furious at what she was about to do.

"As soon as I distract them, get the others out…I know you don't want me doing this. But it's _me_ they want." She grabbed his face and kissed him, his frozen state didn't allow him to return it. _He was going to kill her if she survived. Bloody hell, he was going to ensure she did just to flog her._

"Please, _listen_ to me. They wont hurt me, but they'll kill all of you and there's more on the way. You have to get them and run."

_Fat chance of that._ He would get the others away, but there was no chance he'd leave her with them.

She walked toward the door. Right before she opened it she turned and whispered, "_Finite Incantatem."_ He felt his body loosen but at the pleading look she threw his way, he stayed still, only peaking through the window, seeing a bloody gash down James's wand-arm.

Ella walked through the door and Sirius saw her make a countdown with three fingers on the hand behind her back.

_(Three fingers) _

James also noticed the sign, and straightened his wand in his opposite hand. She directed her glare at Fellows, "Okay, you spineless tool. I'm here..."

_(Two Fingers)_

Sirius was slightly frightened at the wicked smile that lit her face, ..."And I'm ready to play."

_(One finger) GO!_

She made a pushing motion, with her entire body as her face screwed up in concentration. Fellows dropped to the floor in a shriek.

_Blimey_, Sirius hadn't even seen her move her wand. Their friends, who had also seen the countdown, ran for the door as James weakly fired at Rosier.

"Run to the Hogshead, there will be help there," he instructed to Daphne, Kyle and Lovegood. They took to a run just as Gibons made it to the door, Mckinnon a few steps behind him.

"Crucio!" Rosier hit Mckinnon with the spell and the girl dropped in a scream.

James continued to weakly throw curses at the death eater, he was now on his knees-fighting passing out from blood loss.

"PAYTON!" Gibons yelled, running for the girl. Rosier let the curse drop, turning his efforts on Collin. They both dodged each other's spells until Rosier hit Payton with another torture curse. Sirius had just ran in when Collin had charged the Death Eater. With a flash of green light, Collin fell.

"_NOO_!" Mckinnon shrieked.

Rosier grabbed Mckinnon around the neck and put the tip to her throat. "Let him out of it, bitch, or I'll sever her head, so help me."

Sirius, who was trying to Epsiky the wound that had made James pass out, froze. He glanced toward Trouble and noticed how pale she looked, her face ashen with sweat.

She snarled at Rosier, "No problem." And Rosier dug the wand deeper into Mckinnon's throat. "You even try it on me and she dies."

"_Ella_!" he warned.

Sirius could see the fiery hatred Ella had for the man. She took a deep breath, "_Fine_."

Instantly, Fellows started sobbing, "Terrible…so bad... make , make it stop."

"Reid, you bloody fool, get up!"

The boy continued to hyperventilate but Rosier just shrugged. "Fine," He nodded to Ella, "You're coming with me or say goodbye to your friends head."

"_Ella, he's lying._" Sirius yelled. He had closed most of the cut, and now had his wand drawn on the Death Eater.

Trouble's jaw was clenched so tightly that Sirius saw the muscle flinch in her cheek. "Yes, I _suppose_ he is"… "stay here Sirius."

He took a step forward, "Do you have a deathwis-"

Mckinnon whimpered as the wand dug deeper, "You move-or follow us and Mckinnon here, dies."

_Like bloody hell,_ Sirius narrowed his eyes at the boy, "Tell me Rosier, did you know your precious Voldy is a mud-blood? _Yep_… Mum told me. Said his poor mum was some whore that a muggle discarded… He just-"

"_How dare you speak such filth_! Avada Kedavra!"

"_Protego_!- Ella run."

He saw her grab Payton, who'd Rosier had released in anger and run into the street.

"_Flipendo_!" he cried, and Rosier was knocked back into a clothing rack.

Immediately, A new man, short but stocky which a whizzing mechanical eye and recognizable scowl filled the doorway. Next to him was Lily.

"_You_-Boy," The aurror pointed his wand at Sirius, "where in sam-hell is my God-daughter?"

That had been the very last thing Sirius had expected of the man.

"Your-_what_!"

Mad-Eye heard James moan behind the counter and nodded to Lily, "Take him to his Da' at the HogsHead before Brock has an arrhythmia."

She ran over to him and hoisted him up. Sirius felt a tingle settle into the air and recognized the fluttering as anti-apparation charm. The next thing he noticed was shouting and flashes of light whizzing by outside.

"What's going on?"

Moody's eye flickered outside, "They're attacking… where's Payton? And that Dillonsby girl?"

"They got out"…"Didn't you find them?"

Moody glanced around just as a blood curdling scream rent through the air. Sirius was out the door before he even registered the screech belonged to Ella. Her screaming cutoff and Sirius ran even faster. He heard Moody thundering behind him as he turned toward the street that led to the shrieking shack, stopping as he stumbled across an all-out battle. Twenty wizards were dueling, from allowing the Death Eater ranks to cross out of the anti-apparation charm. In the middle of it, Ella was on her knees, attempting to stand. Payton was bawling by her side, trying to help Ella up.

Sirius immediately threw himself into the battle and heard Mad-Eye do the same. He tried to make his way toward Ella, but for some reason the Death Eater's were practically forming a wall around the two girls.

Suddenly, he found himself dueling Rosier, who had recovered from the hit eariler. Rosier battled with a smile on his face- a fact that frightened and annoyed Sirius. He practically got Roiser into ropes when he heard a Death Eater cry out, "_Crucio_!"

Sirius's stomach dropped as he heard Ella's scream of agony. _YOU BLOODY SCUM! ELLA! _

Sirius watched helpless as she writhed on the grass. He saw three of the men around her fall, clutching their heads and tried to jump through to her.

"_Flagrate_," Rosier snarled, knocking Sirius flat on his arse. "OOugh"…"Arrghhh," Sirius tried to breath through the liquid-hot flame that had just ripped down his torso. He no longer heard Ella's screams or Mckinnon's cries. _At least they stopped hurting her_, he thought, just before Rosier shouted, "_Flagrate,_" again.

* * *

It was dark when Sirius woke and he recognized his settings as the hospital wing. _Oh, lovely, I survived,_ he thought just as a sharp pain shot through his right ribs. He turned and made out the fuzzy image of a sleeping Mad-Eye in the bed next to him- with bloody-bandages covering the auror's nose.

And Sirius jumped as a hand lay down on top of his own. He turned to find a distraught looking James. His friend had tears down his face and Sirius felt the need to comfort him, "Prongs, I'm all right."

James nodded, looking away as his face crumbled and he cried.

"It's all right... I'm all right."

The boy nodded and absently swiped at the wetness with the back of his hand. "I know. It's not that"…"it's…"

_-It wasn't?_ Sirius' brain was still fogged from the sleep and injury, why was James so upset, and where were the others- _where was Ella._ The last thing he remembered she had been screaming and then she had stop-

"Where is _she!_?" He demanded frantically.

James shook his head; more tears falling- looking absolutely lost.

"She's…gone."

"_What_?"

"Sirius"… "I'm so sorry, but." James closed his eyes and tried to calm his shaking body.

"They- the Death Eaters"…"They took her."

* * *

**You hate me, i know.**


	15. Gone

**This chapter is so ridiculously late. I AM SO SORRY. life has been crazy busy and i have had major writers block. I hope this will make up for it :)**

** ...and i am committed to finishing this story ASAP. so expect lots of chapters.**

**I hope you love it. hope you comment. Thanks for waiting!**

* * *

James sobbed silently into his pillow- the day's events too much to comprehend. He felt tingles overcome his body and his eyes slowly closed as the sleeping draught took effect. His dream re-lived the worst moments of his day:

- watching his friend disintegrate in front of him with the news of Ella's capture. It had taken three aurors and the strongest calming draught to subdue him.

-Watching Lily walk toward him outside the hospital wing with fire in her eyes.

_"This is all your fault! Ella is gone because of you"_

_"ME?"_

_" Did you not bloody listen to me? I told you-"_

_"What are you on about Evans" he harshly replied._

_"I told you how dangerous it was to go with him! And your preference for firewhiskey has gotten someone killed and our best friend captured!"_

_James was speechless… his preference for drinking? He had only gone with the bloke to size him up a bit- see why Lily preferred him. If it was anyone's fault here it was hers. "You're the one who brought him to the dance!"_

_Her eyes widened, "Do you honestly believe that's my fau-"_

_"Of course I bloody do! You BROUGHT the deatheater to the ball-"_

_"First of all, I had no idea what Rosier was and second, my brining him would have still been perfectly safe if some bloody idiot hadn't followed him off grounds!_

_"I only followed him cause you brought him!"_

_"Well you following him and leading that group just may have killed and ruined more lives than I'd like to count. Congratulations Potter- I hope the firewhiskey was worth it."_

_Everything she'd said had stung James straight to the soul. He wasn't as daft as she believed. He had already blamed himself for hours but every time he came back to the same idea- if Lily hadn't of brought him. None of this would have happened. Sod her, this was her fault._

_"and I hope your need to get shagged was worth Rosier as a date!"_

_Her eyes narrowed. "sod off. And don't talk to me. Whatever we were pretending at-it's over."_

_At that moment, James could care less. Ella was gone, his mates were in despair and the guilt was so thick in his mouth he could barley breathe. Who was this girl that had caused him so much trouble? Why was he so enamored with someone who constantly refused and belittled him. This was the end- and he was fine with that._

_"You're right," he had said, "there are loads fitter I'd rather shag than you."_

_She may have looked hurt but her fury was too evident to tell- "Stay away from me...Potter."_

_"Gladly, Evans."_

James dream fluxed and changed to Dumbledore's speech at dinner the same night- his announcement that the remainder of the year be canceled and to keep hope for the safe return of their fellow student.

Again, the dream changed, swirled around the despair in Sirius's eyes as he awoke again, his tantrum in Dumbledore's office. Sirius had demanded something be done. Had demanded he be out there looking for her- but Dumbledore forbade it. James shivered in his sleep as he remembered Dumbledore stand over them both, _"if either of you go looking for her, you will only manage to get both of yourselves killed, which is something I do not wish to inflict upon her when she returns."_

_"does that mean…" Sirius had started with a look of hopelessness in his eyes._

_"Yes Sirius, I believer she is still alive. And I will find her." Dumbledore looked fierce and after a heavy moment Sirius nodded to Dumbledore. "Please…find her."_

The last part of James's dream, before total darkness engulfed him, was the memory of Sirius quietly disappearing within his room without looking back.

* * *

( Two Weeks Later)

Time had dragged on, even when they thought it wouldn't or shouldn't. Sirius spent most of his days in his room, tracking the latest attacks. He disappeared some nights, but was always in bed by the next dawn. He barely ate or talked these days; mostly just withdrawing within himself.

James wasn't faring much better. The guilt had been eating at him fiercely. He could barely stand to be in the same room as Sirius without holding more blame than he could bear. Mostly, his days were spent on the quidditch pitch- Flying until his hands bled and his hair permanently stuck on end. From time to time one could see him walking the pitch muttering to himself or screaming into the wind.

Lily had absorbed herself into the search efforts and school. Being underage- she wasn't allowed to join the order just yet- but she was allowed to make posters and signs and hang them in wizard and muggle villages. She blamed herself for Ella being gone. Potter was right, Rosier was _her_ date. The bloody fool was mostly to blame for it. But, if she hadn't have brought Rosier none of this- but she tried not to think on her guilt. If she gave herself over to it- she'd be useless. Potter may have been right, but she would never let him know how affected she was. Or how affected she had been by his harsh words. Especially, when she had just been close to admitting-_no_._ it was no use._ Potter was potter- he hadn't changed and she wouldn't let him get to her. As always, it was only a game to him.

(0000000)

It was a bright in the manor hallway as James made his way to the door. "Where you off to?" Sirius asked from the bench seat next to the window. He turned to see the shell of Sirius staring back at him. He couldn't take it anymore.

"I'm getting out of this bloody house."

"But, what if-"

"Sirius, it's been two weeks."

"I'm just not-"

" I know you're not up for a bit of fun but she wouldn't have wanted you to sit around with you're head up your arse."  
A ghost of a smile flickered across his friend's face.

"Sirius, we're going to get her back but what will happen when she comes back and we're in this state- she'll flog us."

He thought on that for a moment. With a sigh, Sirius nodded and followed James to the floo.

They ended at a pub with Remus and Peter. They had been there an hour when Remus had finally stolen a moment alone with James. –"It's been weeks James. I think it's time we look at this objectively. Waiting around for her is eating away-at everyone."

"Aye, but if we loose hope, we've nothing left."

"James, its just not healthy. It may be time to accept it- Ella is most likely dead."

"What's that old boy?" A harsh voice interrupted. Both boys winced, not noticing that Sirius and Peter had returned from the bar.

Remus held his hands up in a calming gesture. "Sirius, I-"

Sirius continued, "you've lost faith, have you? Tit, tit! FAITH IS _ALL_ WE HAVE!" each word dripped with malice and sarcasm.

"Sirius, I simply suggested that we be realistic."

"And what? We admit that she'd dead and throw our hands up. _OH WELL, VOLDY WINS THAT ONE!_"

James held up both hands between his friends. "Sirius, stop. Remus, she's still alive, we'll find her"

"that's right, Remus! James says she's alive, so she is. And find her, we will! purely to end prongs' guilt-"

"what guilt?" Peter asked.

"-Godric forbid James take responsibility for anything in his life! And he _is_ responsible! Aren't ya Prongs?"

Remus grabbed his friends drink, "You've had enough Sirius. You know that's untrue."

Sirius had worked himself into a near hysteria. "Well, he's the reason we left the balcony. We were so happy there! His ridiculous obsession with Evans is the reason we left. And now she's dead!"

James looked as if he'd been slapped. Remus and Peter began to defend him but he merely shook his head. "He's right. It's my fault..."

"James-" Peter interjected.

"It is. If not for Evans I wouldn't have taken that group. And Ella wouldn't have had to come. I'm bloody sorry. It's tearing me apart. I'm done with her-Evans. No more. There is nothing in the world i wouldn't do to take it back... Please, Sirius...Please, forgive me."

After a moment, Sirius met his friend's eye and nodded. He hiccupped and lay his head on the table barely containing himself. "She's dead, he mumbled. "She's dead, she's dead, she's dead."

(000000000)

Another week passed and James felt worse with each hour that slipped away. Both boys barely left the manor. They occasionally would play chess or other games of little conversation. James was gutted for Ella but, he selfishly admitted, he was also down about Lily. He missed her severely. But he was sure that it was time to move on. She didn't like him- hell, she didn't even respect him. Lily was a waste of time and she was, whether she admitted it or not, partly to blame. james knew it was his fault but he was sick of always being the immature prankster who was worth nothing to her. He wasn't that boy anymore and anyone who didn't see it didn't deserve his friendship, or his respect.

The third day into the fourth week the worst news came. Ella's parents had been declared disappeared. In truth, they had never been found in the first place to be told their daughter had been kidnapped. They were off in Egypt at some secluded dig site far out of reach. It was common for them to live as nomads- no one knowing their location for months at a time. However, a bloody knapsack and ripped shirt were found outside a pyramid in Giza. They belonged to the Dillonsbys. Everyone feared the worst. And James couldn't find much hope any longer.

His mood diminished further the next day. For it was, June 07th, Ella's 16th birthday. She had anticipated this day since the minute she turned 15 last year. She teased the boys that it was the day she became a woman. The day she earned freedom. She grew up hearing about the tradition from her father, a muggle. For muggle children 16 marked a passage of sorts, a drivers licensee. Despite being a witch Ella was insistent on buying a car. She had even teased that both boys would soon be begging her for rides all over London. Sirius and James had never see the lure in muggle transportation, but didn't have the heart to tell her.

In honor of the day, Daphne had organized a dinner at the leaky cauldron. She invited all those closest to Ella and had told everyone to expect a night of fun. James severely doubted that, but hoped getting Sirius out of the house would do him good. He hadn't seen his friend smile since the night of the ball. He wanted tonight to be different. Perhaps they could dress up or he could snag a bottle of firewhiskey from his parents cabinent. What was the one thing that could lift Sirius' spirits? A distraction! he had thought brilliantly.

(00000)

"DATES?"

"Yea, mate. No need to thank me. They'll meet us there."

"-are you sodding, bluffing me! You got us date to this!"

James nodded, puzzled at the hostility. "You need a distraction mate. And i know you always fancied Lydia Faltman. I ran into her and Emily Sort in diagon ally and invited them along."

"I dont want a bloody date with Lydia!"

"Sirius, just go and have fun- do it for Ella."

Sirius mumbled something that sounded like, "she'd bloody kill me," before heading toward the floo.

(00000)

James glanced over at Sirius and his date. His body was tense and he kept prying the hufflepuff's fingers off his arm. He wondered why the boy shyed away from her friendly touch; Sirius had spoken about her perfect bum countless times. James was quite pleased with his own date. Emily was a pretty Ravenclaw, with blonde hair and large doe eyes. He noticed Lily tense up as he escorted Emily to the table but decided to ignore her altogether.

Daphne stood and glanced around at the group of friends. Frank and Alice were both in attendence. As well as Arkie and another Ravenclaw boy. Everyone looked solemn, but perked up a little as she spoke.

"Listen up, you lot- we all love Ella-" she looked at the Lydia and Emily "-well, not you... And I know we're all torn up about this. We don't know if she's okay. But I do know that if she were here she'd want us to get off our sodding arses, let all this crushing sadness and guilt go-just for the night- and celebrate our girl turning 16. So let's have some fun. She raised her glass in cheers, "for Ella."

"For Ella," they chorused.

Three pints later the friends were actually starting to smile. They were all telling their favorite Ella stories and each one conveyed a side of their lost friend.

"-and then she de-sticks the book and lets it fall right on top of my head!" Frank Longbottom told through laughter, "and then she says, _that's fortunate! I heard Alice fancies unicorns._" The table howled with laughter and James was suddenly glad they had attended.

As the laughter died, Lily asked the group, "Did you ever hear how we became friends?" They shook their heads. A smile lit her face. "We sat next to each other, in class- she had been put in mine for some reason-

"-she told professor Perculous to bite her after he spoke ill of muggles."

She chuckled at Daphne, "that sounds about right…Anyway, she sat next to me and declared that she'd be maid of honor." They all looked at her puzzled and a laugh escaped. "Yea, I didn't understand it either, so Ella said, _you know, at your wedding!_ Like it was the most obvious thing in the world."

"I asked her what she was on about and she just smiled at me-" for the first time all night, Lily looked into James' eyes. "She said for our wedding. Sirius called best man so she called dibs on my side of things…_guess we should be friends, huh?_ She asked me."

Every person at the table's smile turned bittersweet. It was typical Ella- think first, ask permission later. James was still looking into her eyes- differently than he usually did but still the same. God, she missed Ella, and the way things were. A tear fell down Lily's cheek.

Daphne stood, abruptly changing the mood. "All right! Enough of this. Time to dance!"

The boys groaned and followed to girls to the floor. Other wizards and witches smiled on at the group.

The first few songs were fast and they all danced in a semi-circle. After a few, the music slowed to a soothing melody.

Emily wrapped her arms around James' neck, "I know I didn't know her very well, but I'm sorry." Her eyes were a pale grey and James found himself quite smitten with her sincerity. "Thank you…and you look smashing, by the way."

She smiled shyly at him. "I'm glad we ran into each other in Diagon Ally. I admit, though, I was surprised you asked me out."

"You shouldn't be. Most blokes fancy you."

He saw the pure interest in her eyes and found he didn't at all mind her being in his arms, "You're not much like other blokes, James. If I'm honest, I've fancied you for ages."  
He was surprised by the admission. She had always been fit and nice to him, but never shown interest beyond that. When he had asked her here tonight it was partly on a whim. She was a genuine person and he didn't have it in him to be anything but honest with her.

"A lot is going on right now. I'm not sure how well of a boyfriend I'd be."

"No pressure. I just want to get to know you…and until then," she said as she raised her lips to his.

He kissed her and instantly liked the feeling. Her lips were soft and warm and the kiss was inviting but not overly keen. She pulled away from him and smiled shyly.

He chuckled, "I think I'll go get us a drink. What do you want?"

"butterbeer," she said.

Lily was sitting there nursing a drink with a sour face.

"Two butterbeers," he told Tom.

"Snogging and drinking, typical James Potter…

He barely even looked at her. Her tone was full of contempt. "It's a tough job, but someone's got to do it."

"Godric, I can't believe you two brought a date to this."

"What does it matter! We're celebrating."

"No, James," She raised her voice and caught his arm, "We're trying not to drown in self-pity. And you're using it as an occasion to get shagged!"

Her disgusted tone pushed him over the edge. No matter what he did, he couldn't win with her. She'd always see him as the self-centered waste of space. _Sod her,_ he thought once more.

"Well, at least someone _wants_ to shag me!"

"Well, at least the people I shag aren't two-bit pieces of trash!"

"Well, at least mine aren't going to murder and kidnap my friends!"

Lily reeled back, as if he'd slapped her. After a moment she controlled the rage he saw in her eyes, "Fuck you, James."

"Clearly that ship has sailed, Evans."

She pushed through the crowd, bumping into Sirius and Lydia, out the front door. James watched as Lydia resumed trying to plaster herself to Sirius as he resumed trying to push her off. After a moment James saw him shove her away and leave behind Lily.

James saw something he didnt like in his best mates expression and decided to follow him. "Sirius, wait. Where are you going?"

"I'm done, I'm going after her!"

"Who, Li-Evans?"

He turned toward his friend exasperated, "NO! Ella!"

"You can't. You heard what Dumbledore said. That's suicide."

"I don't care. I won't let him have her. She's mine. I don't want anyone else!"

"Sirius-what are you-?"

"I'm going to find her!"

James grabbed him and shoved. "Sirius, listen to yourself. I am not letting you get killed over this." His friend pushed back, "I CANT GO ON LIKE THIS…YOU DON'T GET IT!"

James pushed, as hard as he could, making Sirius to fall back on the ground. "WE ARE ALL GUTTED OVER THIS! WHAT MAKES YOUR THINK I DON'T FEEL THE SAME?"

From the ground, Sirius looked somewhat deflated. "It's different."

"Sod off! She's like a sister to me and I blam-"

"I love her," Sirius said quietly, keeping his eyes on the ground.

James softened a bit, "I love her too, mate. But we can't-"

He looked up, "No, I am in love with her you blind twit!"

James froze. Confusion took front in his mind. Sirius couldn't- Sirius didn't- Surely he was just- and then he put it together. This fight with Arkie, the darkened looks Sirius gave him when he hugged Ella or kissed her cheek. The ball- when Sirius had dragged Ella to the balcony with that look of determination. he _was_ in love with her! James could barley remember a time Sirius acted otherwise. He was slightly horrified.

"H-How long?"

Hid friend sighed, "Since January. But I reckon since the day we met."

"B-But you said….she's like our sister!"

Sirius shrugged, " I thought so. But she doesn't snog like a sister."

James sat down on the gravel next to Sirius, " So-so she knew?"

"I think she got the general idea when I kept jumping her…but I never got a chance to say the words."

"Tell me...Tell me everything." James demanded. Sirius nodded and fought back tears as he told his mate about his love with the girl who's gone.


	16. Torture

**A second chapter posted right now is my apology for taking so long... already working on the third!**

**This ch. is kind of dark- so fair warning.**

**review**

* * *

The first four days they did nothing but torture her. She screamed until her throat bled and the only word she remembered was crucio. Purple and blue bruises spotted every inch of her skin. Parts of her lips had been bleeding from being cut open while screaming. People around her laughed and took turns. Careful to never leave her under too long. "Wouldn't want doll face to become a vegetable. Master doesn't want that!" the cackling voice of one of them echoed in her head. "Such a pretty face… let's see what damage we can do!"

On the fifth day they had brought her to him. He had asked her to do his bidding, saying something about her gift being stronger than his. With his emerald-tipped dagger he had slit her wrists and watched her bleed. _"It's not all pure, but the power sings to me."_ When he asked what she thought of his offer of assisting him in his rebellion she had spit on him and asked what was wrong with his face. Her bravado lasted for about as long as it took for him to raise his wand and inflict the most painful cruciatus she'd had yet. At that point she had lashed out purely on instinct. Entering his mind- planting the image of her strongest desire- that he lay dead at her feet.

His shields were strong as he not only pushed her out but stripped a piece of her away from herself while doing so. As she lost consciousness, they took her away and he promised she'd join him soon enough. Her nose and mouth had bled for hours afterward.

They continued with the cruciatus on and off for days, every time after a foot would be placed on her windpipe and a cruel face – sometimes different, sometimes the same- would stare down at her…. _"Do you pledge your allegiance?"_ the deatheater would ask…

She had tiredly refused each time, until the end of her first week there.

It was then that she was ready. Ready to die rather than stay in this place. With a frightening clarity- she fought back. "Pledge this you ugly scum," she had said before invading his mind and dropping him like a rock.

She watched in mild amusement as she pushed him to believe he was being burned to death by dragon fire. When his body stopped moving she dispassionately grabbed his wand to unkey the door. She made it all the way to the gardens before they caught up to her. She even managed to stupefy two of them and make it to the large iron gate before a large fist had come from nowhere, knocking her out cold.

She awoke to find herself again in the small stone room they kept her. However, this time the room was not empty. An old wizard with graying hair and a potbelly was sitting on the stone floor. She came to find the man's name was Vlad and he was the professor of Muggle studies at Drumstrang. Having him there was the first time Ella felt somewhat safe in ages. Within three hours he was holding her as she sobbed into his arms. He comforted her and told her how brave she was. His soft voice reminded her a bit of her father. She discovered that his progressive views on muggles using magic was what got him there. After a few hours, they came for him. She had expected them to torture and return him. What they did was much worse.

Instead of taking just him, they dragged both of them out into the plush tea-room of the manor. Voldemort explained in a big show that this man was indeed in need of punishment. _However_, he said. _If you swear your fealty, sweet Ella, you can spare him. _

Ella had never been more horrorstricken in her life. She watched as Vlad didn't understand, as he begged her for his life. And eventually, as he died at her feet. His blood coated the white trainers she wore and splattered an uneven pattern across her leg.

This tactic must have been favorable to Voldemort because when she woke the next morning a teenage girl was sitting in her cell. _They wouldnt do it again,_ Ella had convinced herself- _it would be pointless to waste such a young life._ Ella couldn't help but comfort the scared girl. She held onto her as she cried and they talked, though not to the same extent as Vlad. In the evening they were both taken. The girl's screams and blood stained Ella in a way she thought impossible.

The next morning, when they placed a small boy in her cell, she cursed and shouted for hours. Ella kicked and screamed and pleaded with anyone listening to not do this. Occasionally, she would tell the boy it would be fine, but she offered no physical comfort- she had none left to give. When the boy was murdered she sat unmoving. Not a single tear fell for all that was left in her was pure rage and hatred.

_Where was the order?_ She had raged. _How could they just let her go, like this! Where is Sirius?_ She practically never let herself think of him. Sometimes at night she would slip and would lie awake imagining his arms or his lips. She imagined telling him she loved him and seeing him freak out only to come back ten minutes later and declare the same. outside of the stonewalls she never thought of him. Never mixed in his image with all of this torture, blood and pain. But as time went on and she lost more of herself to the darkness, she found she couldn't care at all the reasons to keep him separate. _Wasn't it her love for him and the others that made her sacrifice herself to this hell?_

As quickly as they came Ella tried to suppress the thoughts. However, as the hours ticked by, it became harder. In the days that followed, when they tossed random blood traitors or muggle-borns into her cell, Ella found herself not even looking their way. They would beg her for answers or comfort, but Ella had none to give. They would die, just like those before them. As she watched them be slaughtered, she became unmoved.

Occasionally, just for fun, the deatheaters would cast the imperious curse on her and make her participate. She would watch detachedly as the knife she held plunged into flesh- sometimes her own- sometimes other's. _This is what happens_, she thought. _This is what happens when you don't look out for yourself. Maybe the slytherins had the right idea._ She tried to hold onto some value- some reasons why she could let Voldemort claim her but she was loosing control.

This brand of torture continued for another week and a half. She was three solid weeks into her capture when her resolve finally broke.

They threw a larger man into her cell and she heard the deatheaters chuckle. They sounded excited. The man widely glanced around…."E-Ella?"

For the first time in a week, she turned toward the new victim.

"Are you Ella Dillonsby?"

She stared at him a moment…. So what, he knew her- He would still die. And besides. Was she Ella Dillonsby? She didn't think so anymore.

"I'm Edgar Bones…I'm from the order. I was sent on a mission to find you."

"Well, good job then." She said, her voice-sounding lifeless ever to herself.

"I was captured…are you…okay?"

Ella turned back toward him and gave a sardonic smile, "no, but I don't reckon you are either."

"I suppose not. You haven't… have you seen you're parents?"

Ella turned back to stare at the wall, fighting the tears. Yes, she'd seen them. They had been the last two people in this twisted game of Voldemort's. Two nights ago, she had watched them kill her mother... She had pleaded- fought and begged for him not to. She had promised him everything but what he wanted. She couldn't let him have her gift- Dumbledore warned her she would be the deciding factor of the war. If he had her legilimens- he would win. In that moment, she knew what must be done. Pure clarity hit her as she plunged herself on the knife Dolhouv held at her abdomen- meant to hold her back. She wanted to die- she was ready. Unfortunately, the sick bastard was not ready to let her go. She passed out from the blood loss and awoke, completely healed, to find both of her parents lying on the tearoom floor, dead.

In that moment, the numbness had taken root within her. It had spread to every space inside her body- eliminating the fear and completly changing her to the core. She wasn't Ella anymore. She wasn't sure what she was.

She decided to not answer his daft questions.

"Dumbledore is going to find you, love. There's nothing to worry about."

Because she was so numb, she had to ask, "what if I don't fancy to be found?" What if they did find her? Would she continue Hogwarts as if she hadn't watched and been accountable for a dozen deaths? Would she act as if she hadn't been showered with blood and born out of darkness?

"What-What do you…"

_No_, Ella had decided. There was nothing left for her outside of these walls. Death didn't even hold the same lure, for she'd have to face her parents there- explain to them why she'd failed them. Why when they had been thrown in her cell she couldn't even look at them.

"Ella, you're friends. Think of them. Of course you want to be found. They miss you terribly."

She wasn't sure what to think of the package that had arrived before Edgar had. It had been a knife in her gut- the end to all of the hope she had left. It was a collection of wizard photos dated 2 days ago. Her friends were in each of them at the Leaky Cauldron. There was one of them all laughing and smiling as Neville animatedly talked. One of James and a blonde kissing. Another of Lily and Daphne dancing to a song. But the ones; the ones that burned the most were the two of Sirius. In the first he was leading the girl into the bar with a hand on the small of her back- Ella knew the girl well as Sirius had once fancied her. The second was the two dancing. The girl was rubbing her hands all over Sirius and his hands were placed on her shoulders as she grinded against him. At first Ella had been heartbroken-then furious. And eventually she had decided- happy for him. He deserved someone whole. Someone good. Ella was neither anymore.

"Edgar…" she practically whispered. "Stop talking."

He did, and like clockwork, they came to take them both away. _This time, would be different_, she thought. _This time, I yield._

Voldemort had entered, and scolded Edgar as if a child, "You certainly have not chosen your side wisely. It is too bad about your demise. You had such talent and courage. It really is a shame your blood is tainted. But at least you will die with a purpose. At the hands of the most powerful wizard in the world-"

-that wizard is Dumbledore you old coote."

"Dumbledore will soon die by my wand, just as you will. Ella, love?"

Edgar swirled to face her, unsure what was occurring. "I'll join," she said in a flat cold voice.

"NO!" Edgar shouted. "Ella, don't do this! You're not like this. You're a good person."

Her heart broke as he said everything that contradicted what she believed about herself.

"Not anymore," She replied in a monotone voice. She held out her forearm as Voldemort's eyes lit with delight. She had never been more nauseated by a sight in her life.

He placed the tip of his bulbous wand on the smooth skin of her left arm. "Do you swear your fealty to me and mine? Give your life to the cause and know me in your heart and mind as your Lord and Master Voldemort?" Coldness swept throughout her. She remembered the blood, the pain, watching those she loved die. There was nothing and no one outside of these walls for her. This was it. And if she could end this torture, she would. It was time she thought of herself. And with two words, she slashed her ties to the outside world, to her past and opened up the darkness that was to be her future- "I do," she said.

This time, as she left the tearoom and heard the screams reverberated throughout the manor, she took solace that, even though Voldemort refused to let the man go at her request, she would not have to feel his blood on her skin or watch as the life let his eyes.

(0000)

The tasks Vodlemort demanded of her were much easier than the torture of those three weeks. But, she supposed that it was still a form of torture, for herself anyway. Voldemort seemed to enjoy it. She mostly invaded peoples mind to find hiding locations of families and lost items. Once, Voldemort had her interrogate a professor of history to find some lost diadem. Ella had no clue and neither did the historian. The worst of his bidding was done when he made her legilimence to push people. After a week of fealty, she'd done it twice. Her victems so far being a disloyal death eater and a muggle-born witch.

Ella had gladly tortured and killed the deatheater, following Voldemorts suggestion for drowning. In fact, she had revelled in the tolling out death to the man- one of the ones who had so grievously enjoyed her own torture. SHe did not,however, enjoy nor follow orders with witch. Lord Voldemort wished for the woman to believe she was being slowly crushed. Instead, Ella invaded her mind to believe her neck had been broken. _The brain immediately stopped functioning and the woman fell dead to the floor, painlessly. Voldemort had crucio'd her for the disobedience.

Occasionally, while in her room, she would catch the dark ink on her left forearm and feel the need to vomit. She barley recognized herself when she looked in the mirror, which her new rooms included. Her skin was sallow and looked as if she'd aged. She supposed her eyes had that haunted look to them but her hair was the most shocking. The long black do now included white streak that framed her face. She supposed it was a physical manifestation of the piece Voldemort had removed from her when she'd fought him. She wondered if he'd taken her conscious as well.

Days and nights passed without really having any meaning to her. She felt dead inside.

On the eve of the fourth week, believing her true fealty, Voldemort took her to a neighboring manor to _right a wrong_ he had said. When they arrived the man was already standing in the middle of three death eaters- Ella didn't much care who they were. In truth, she just wanted to kill the man and return to sleep or daydream about her old life.

However, the man in front of her would not be like the others. He was not unusual in anyway. In fact, he was downright firmiliar. She studied his build and face, trying to understand how she knew him. When she stumbled across his eyes, all her breath left her. This man- the man she was about to kil- had the cool grey eyes of Sirius Black. In her state of half awake half dead- she at first wasn't altogether sure waht she saw was real. perhaps the eyes were a merage- a comfort her mind had created to protect her. But she scanned him further to notice the shock of black hair and the angular cheek bones and she realized. This man was a Black. Her heart ached at the thought. And just as soon as she realized his heritage, she realized she could have no part in this. Voldemort would order her to kill him and if she didn't he would do it alone. She couldn't let him kill him- she couldn't let him hurt Sirius.

"Welcome home, Alphard."

"What the bloody hell is this about?"

"You've acted against the pureblood movement Alphard. We can't have that."

"You're movement is rubbish. Wizards are wizards no matter how pure blooded."

"That's where you're wrong old man, we are the future. And if you're not with us. Then you're against us."

"And what will you do to me? Kill me? I don't fear it."

Voldemort smiled wickedly, "I can do much worse than kill you." He glided toward the spot where Ella stood. As he spoke he circled her, all the while running a finger across her shoulders and down her arm, like he would a pet. "I can have Ella find your deepest fear and trap you within it."

She fought a shiver and aimed to look indifferent. Strangely, Alphard smiled, "You're Ella? Sirius has talked about you."

She sucked her breath in. She was right. This was Alphard Black..she had heard of the uncle who lent him gold after running away. He had also been disowned from the Black family for his loyalty. Her decision solidified. She wouldn't let him die. Not this time. This would be for Sirius.

"-he asked me to keep an eye out for you. He'll be happy to find you."

Didn't he understand? Voldmort was going to kill him. What was he on about Sirius finding her? "He wont- he won't find me," Ella said.

"have faith Ella. Help is always on the wa-"

"ENOUGH!" Voldemort was obviously tired of being ignored. She looked around to find the room empty except for the three of them. She hoped gryffindor courage was more than just a myth at this moment.

"Kill him…slowly," Voldemort said with a flick of his wrist. He turned toward the window, clearly anticipating the screams to erupt. And just when his back turned, she attacked.

"No!" She lashed out and this time Voldemort wasn't ready. He fell down she put all her effort into the attack. _Deeper and Deeper_ she thought. She had no idea what to do. So instead she played the faces. The ones that haunted her every night. His victims- over and over and over. She replayed their deaths- holding him in a never-ending repentance.

"RUN!" She gritted out and tried to push away the help that Alphard was offering. He was saying something to her- something about someone coming but she didn't care. Voldemort was on the ground clutching his head and she was going to make him pay for what he'd done to her and her family and the people she'd watch die.

But suddenly his shield erected and he pushed back- harder than before. And once again he ripped into her-Crushed her shields and saw the deepest of her secrets- her desires. She managed to push him out just as chaos erupted all around her. The room, which was empty before, filled with people.

Jets of green and red and blue shot from every wand present. Ella fell back from the exertion as Alphard dragged her behind a couch. Explosions and shouts were all that was heard until silence took over. Ella was fighting for consciousness. Black spots took over and she felt like she were dying. Just before she passed out, A pair of sparkling blue eyes said the words she'd been waiting to hear for four weeks.

"Ella, my dear. You're safe now. Rest."


	17. Numb

**Well, I'm sort of on a roll here.**

**review. they motivate me.**

* * *

She awoke to the smell of a spiced candle on the wicker stand next to her bed. The room was empty. Looking around, she found herself in a bedroom with white walls, old wooden floors and a orange comforter. The room was different from the one she had been kept in the past months and she felt instant relief at it. She tried to remember the traces of those final moments before she lost consciousness. She could have swore those eyes were Dumbledore's. But then, that meant….

She pushed the blankets down and stared at the skin on her left arm. The skull and snake were still inked into her olive skin. Had they seen it?... did Dumbledore know she had betrayed him…that she had killed? She frantically pushed herself from the bed, noticing how still her muscles felt. After rummaging through the drawers she found a black jumper and threw it on. Perhaps if she couldn't see it, she'd forget it was there. But no, she remembered it. She remembered it all. Could those weeks of torture truly be over… could she be-be safe?

What would they do with her? She was a young girl with a terrible power who was now dead inside. The only emotion she felt- one deep within was a slight relief. But that quickly disappeared. She may no longer be forced to kill. But she knew she could never go back- pretend to be the same person. No, that Ella was gone- dead the moment she awoke to find her parents slaughtered. She could still smell their blood, see the stains it had left on her fingertips.

And Hogwarts. Could she honestly go back to school? Pretend to listen and learn about the dark arts while she held the darkest of all marks on her forearm. Perhaps they wouldn't make her. She strongly hoped they would send her away.

She thought once again of her parents. Her mother's last words to her, "Darling, fight against this. Be the person I know you are. Be a Gryffindor." The numbness she felt protected her from tears. Instead, she found strength in replaying the image. Over and over again. She watched as her mother pleaded with her to be strong, to not let him win. She stayed in this state for some time- remembering- and trying to forget- trying to forgive herself. She couldn't do much of the former, but she did manage to find purpose. Voldemort would pay for what he did to her parents, and what he did to her. He had truly murdered the Ella Dillonsby that had entered that manor. And he would pay, she would make sure of it.

Resolved, she walked out into the hallway. The walls were colored red and from the banister she could see the first floor of the house. She saw two figures standing close in the candlelight and heard their hushed words.

"You can't be seriously considering this, Albus."

"I am, in fact, Molly."

"But- they're still children! They're still in school."

"They are all seventeen and capable of fighting. This has affected them as much as any of us."

"Albus, this is just a game to them, they could die."

"I think they, of anyone, have witnessed that first hand, Molly."

"Why, why now? Why not let them finish school?"

"Because… They have a right. They believe in what we're fighting for. And if not for them, i fear we will all fall."

"Stop speaking in riddles, you-"

Suddenly, his voice raised and he turned toward where she was standing in the shadow against the railing, "Ella, how are you feeling.

She wasn't surprised or startled. Numbly, she stepped forward, "Fine... I need to speak with you."

He nodded, "Of course. I will be up shortly."

She found herself nodding and glanced toward the woman he called Molly. She was a round girl, a few years older than herself with red hair. The woman was giving her a compassionate smile that Ella didn't care to return. She couldnt remember the last time she had mad the expression.

(00)

Dumbledore entered a moment later as Ella was staring out the window. It was dark out and she wondered how much time she had lost.

"I'm glad you're awake. You've been asleep three days," He answered.

She nodded, refusing to look him in the eye. Three whole days she had slept;_ not long enoguh,_ she thought darkly. The sky was black, it looked as if it was about to storm. She planted her hand son the window and continued to stare out into the dark abyss. "I want to join the Order of the Phoenix."

He didn't speak for a moment. "Ella, you just returned. And you're not of age."

She watched as the trees violently shook outside. "I don't care. I'm joining."

"It's too dangerous, I advise you wait."

The numbness that had become such a good friend in the past month expanded. She felt so disconnected that godric himself could not shake her of it. Dumbledore was a fool. He knew nothing of danger. of loss.

"I care nothing of your advice."

"Ella, you must wait a year. There's no rush. You can rest here and we will send word to your friends. Hogwarts is on break for another month, you can stay with one of them until then.

She turned toward him then, her eyes dead and her voice flat. "I wont let this go. I am joining or I'll find him alone. He killed me, Professor. I fear there's nothing left of the Ella i was. The things i saw...the things i did... I'm joining or i'm leaving."

She wondered if it frightened him, how cold her voice sounded. The whole argument was perfectly rational in her mind. Dumbledore seemed stoic as always but she saw some understanding within the sparkling depths. He understood how different she was know. He realized that she was a broken shell of what she used to be. It was best everyone knew. She wouldn't pretend otherwise- she didn't even know how.

After a moment he conceded, "You may join, on the condition you return to Hogwarts-"

Hogwarts. The place had once been a home to her, a place to grow and be the person she wanted to be- that's what she told the hat...she pittied that girl. If only she knew then who she'd turn into-nothing worth being, that was for sure. The numbness kept her from caring much either way if she went back. Hogwarts or not, she wanted this. She wanted justice.

She nodded.

"Your friends have been notified of your return. They're quite desperate to see you."

Ella took a deep breath. Perhaps he would understand, "I can't see them... I dont wan't to."

Dumbledore understood, "You may stay here for the remainder of the summer."

"Where is here?" _Godric_, she sounded so dead-even to her own ears.

"This is order headquarters- our base of operation . People come and go and we have meetings here frequently."

She turned again towards the window and nodded absently.

"The order is having a meeting in three weeks to initiate new members. I assume you wish to be among them?" His nose dipped down as he looked over his spectacles-asking her a question. This time, when she said the words, the words that had accept the darkest brand onto her forearm- she thought of her parents and spoke with conviction, "I do."

As he walked out the door, she turned toward him. She was idly curious, but strangley not at all worried- so she asked. "Professor, will I ever feel again. Will I be happy?"

He smiled with his hand on the doorknob, "Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times. If one only remembers to turn on the light. "

(0000000000)

Six days later she finally left her room- making sure to cover her forearms. Ella wondered how long it had been since she'd eaten a meal at a table. It certainly felt like another lifetime. During her shower this morning she could see her bones under her skin. She didn't care much what she weighed or for her health. But a surge of motivation had told her she needed to be healthy if she wished to defeat him.

Detachedly, she noticed different characteristics of the house. Each stair creaked under the pressure of her weight. There were picture down the length of the hallway. She passed a bathroom that smelt of roses right before the room opened up. A long wooden table with a vine carved around the edge filled the room. On it was a buffet of sausage, egg, pork, bread and fruits. No one was at the table, so she sat. She supposed the meat would fatten her up-and placed large helpings of each onto her plate.

The woman named Molly poked her head from the kitchen and smiled warmly, "Oh good, dear! You made it. Eat up, I cooked entirely too much!" She heard pots clinking in the kitchen but began to eat from the plate in front of her. The food was fine- it could have been cardboard for all Ella cared.

After a few mouthfuls, a man with red hair of the same color, came in with fresh rolls. His face was friendly as he sat across from her. She didn't return his smile.

"Quite a spread, aye? Molly could feed a country with the size of her meals."

She nodded, avoiding eye contact, and continued to eat.

They ate in silence for a moment. The old Ella would speak to this stranger- who she was now didn't care much.

The man chuckled to himself. "Have you heard the one about why Slytherins cross the road twice?"

She shook her head and forced another mouthful down.

The laughter was evident in his voice, "because they're double-crossers!"

Ella paused to watch him laugh. _Would she ever laugh again?_ After a moment he sobered, "Oh, common! everyone likes a slytherin joke...no? Perhaps a hufflepuff one?"

She said nothing.

"Right. Well, I'm Gideon, by the way. Molly says you're names Elladora? What's your surname Dora?

Ella didn't care to correct him. it didn't matter. "Dillonsby."

He laughed again, "Christ Elladora Dillonsby! your parents must have really loathed you. That's quite a mouthful!"

The mention of her parents made her stomach drop. Sweat broke out on her face as she felt her heart accelterate. The collar of the black jumper she wore seemed entirely too tight. She couldn't breathe. Flashes of her parents lifeless bodies took place in her vision. Their blood was once again on her fingertips-mixed in her hair- she could even smell it- instantly her stomach lurched again.

"Dora? Are you alright?"

Her nausea grew and in a vain attempt she put a hand to her mouth. She made it to the bathroom just in time as she released all of the food she'd eaten. When there was no food left, she began to heave. Ella heard the man call out, "Molly, come quick!"

They were both outside the door, "What's wrong?" a frantic molly asked.

"I don't know. She was fine and we were talking and she ran in here."

"Ella," are you okay? Molly asked.

She started to shake and could feel the sweat fall down her face.

"Merlin! Of course she isn't. I don't know what happened! We were talking about her name- how long it was- I said something about her parents-"

"Gideon!"

"What? What's wrong?"

She heard them move away from the door. Ringing in her ears prevented her from hearing anything Molly told him. She was fine with that. She knew what the woman was saying. She was dying- she could feel her heart-racing out of control- _Breath-she commanded herself. Breath Ellla._

"CHRIST MOLLY"

"I didn't think you would be so thick to bring them up within two minutes."

Another voice called out, "Molly? I'm home. "

"Just go. I'll stay with her."

Footsteps left and Ella wrapped her arms around the toilet. She squeezed her eyes shut and concentrated on breathing. _In and out. In and out._

"I'm so sorry. I was only having a laugh. I didn't mean-…Christ, Dora are you okay?"

She fought back the visions- bid welcome to the numbness she was so accustomed to.

"I'm here if you need anything...a hug, a sleeping draught, someone to beat to a bloody pulp."

"Go. Away."

"Ah, no lass. I've always believed that when you make a bird physically ill, you should never leave her alone."

"In a completely non stalking way, mind you."

(0000)

An hour later she had found the courage to leave the bathroom. Gideon had still been sitting there, telling his favorite jokes through the door.

The door hit him when she opened it. "Ouuffghh." He had been laying down in the hallway and was now rolled to his side, rubbing a spot on his head.

"well…I guess I deserved that."

Ella didn't apologize but instead made her way back to her room, feel numb once again. She decided that numb had never felt so good.

(0000)

It wasn't until the next morning that she remembered what Dumbledore had said of the initation. She wouldn't be alone in joining the ranks. And through the numbness- she wanted to know who would be beside her.

At breakfast she wondered the best way to ask. Perhaps it was a secret. She quickly decided against asking Molly or Arthur- if it wasn't to be told-they would never go against Dumbledore's order. She looked toward Gideon and tried to think of a way to approach him. As they were standing from the meal she called across to him.

"Thank you for yesterday. I should have said it sooner."

"Yes, not apologizing for me make you sick was quite rude of you. I ate three chocolate frogs in my depression last night."

"Gideon, be serious."

"Well, I'm sorry."

He ignored Molly's scolding. "I know a way you can make it up to me," he said with a smirk.

"Gideon! That is completely inappropriate!"

He playfully scoffed at his older sister, "honestly, Molls, Get your mind out of Knockturn Alley! I was only asking if she fancied a walk."

Molly rolled her eyes as he chuckled at her.

Ella wasn't too keen on leaving the house, but saw it as a good opportunity to find out the identity of the others. The initates-the ones Dumbledore and Molly argued over- the onese too young-still at Hogwarts. If Ella were honest with herself, she already knew who they were. Gideon could only confirm it for her.

They walked for a bit before he laughed to himself, "So what was it you wanted to know."

She looked at him curiously.

"You wouldn't have agreed otherwise."

Ella nodded, perhaps Gideon wasn't all jokes and wit.

"The other initiates- who are they?"

He nodded, clearly expecting it, "I suppose you know them. They're seventh years. Potter, Evans, Longbottom, Price, Philcott and Black."

The numbness protected her from feeling those names. She didn't care that she'd see them. She didn't even care that they'd see her- or what was left of her. It was time they let her go.

"Good…" she heard herself muttering, "that's good."

Gideon had continued to talk, even as she kept herself wrapped in silence. His ability to carry out an entire conversation on his own was impressive. And for a moment, as his picked up a wildflower and transformed it into a windmill that blew all of his red hair on end, she felt some of the ice slip away. The numbness receded and she smiled slightly at the sight of him.

The next day he was also there, and when he asked her to once again accompany him on a walk. She found herself shrugging her shoulders.

They walked through a field behind the house into a large clearing. He told her how the house belonged to his diseased uncle, who left it for Molly. _It's far too stuffy for her,_ he explained. _Molly was much more the cozy, chaotically small type. _Gideon also explained Molly's constant anxiousness at being away from her three small children who were staying with someone he called Muriel the maniacal.

She was a fondness in his eyes as he spoke of her and was instantly reminded of her own siblings. Her three brothers had visited her bedside in the days after she had woke- when she had refused to leave her room. She was forced to hear Dumbledore tell each brother of their parent's death. They cried, raged and asked for more information and explanation why this all happened; all as Ella watched on with a deadened feeling. Dumbledore hadn't told them of her mark- it was too dangerous to involve them further. He advised it best for them to leave the country and lay low until the mess was sorted. They had promised to return. Ella couldn't even look at them.

"- says she wants a small family. She'd already popped out three babes. And they can barely keep their hands off each other. It's like garden knomes in heat!"

she continued walking until they reached a large willow tree with two sets of initals in them. Gideon explained one was his, the other belonged to his brother. They spent another hour under the tree. He told her of his childhood dream of becoming the drive of the knightbus and his soft spot for pygme puffs. _Anytime you feel like talking, just wait until i need to take a breath and jump in- or maybe just bludger me,_ he'd encouraged her. That day she said nothing.

Nor did she the next day when they took the similar walk. Nor the next. It wasnt until the third day under the willow tree, after hours of listening to Gideon speak of himself, his desires, hogwarts and jokes did she say something.

"And you know, sixteen was my favorite numer at the time. So we strapped the rocket to his-"

"Sixteen…" she mumbled.

"Yes, love. That's a number...comes right after 15."

She looked into his eyes, "I'm sixteen…"

"And i'm Gideon. What are we playing at?"

"I missed my birthday."

Realization hit him. "Oh. Shite, i'm sorry."

"It's fine. It's just-," Ella was somewhat dazed. Turning sixteen had seemed like such a big deal to her. So much was going to change on that day. She was going to…

"I had planned to get my drivers license... I wanted to be able to drive."

"Blimey! those muggle death contraptions!"

before she could even realize it, a hysterical chuckle left her lips. Her hand flew to her mouth-shocked, that she could even still make such a happy sound. She wildly looked toward Gideon.

"Brilliant. now we know your sense of humor can be saved."

She nodded and felt herself become less numb. He understood and he was willing to listen to her stupid story, for she had already heard countless of his own. Ella instantly felt compelled to tell him.

"My father had this thing called a motorcycle. It's like a car but only two wheels... He used to take me for rides in when I was younger. It's like…it's like flying, but faster…..My da said, _when you're sixteen, if you have half of what its worth, I'll give it to you._ …So, I saved... for years."

Talking about her father made her feel worse, but Ella couldn't believe she had forgotten.

"you could still do it."

She looked far off into the field, "It wouldn't be the same."

The sat in silence for a moment before he suggested they head back. Before she could walk through the door he called out to her.

She turned to find him looking strangely at her for a moment. "You wont feel like this for forever…what happened to you, you'll never forget it. But, you'll learn to live with it."

He was so sincere when he said it. "What makes you think I can do that?"

"Because…you're were a fighter…i can tell."

She paused, "and what am I now?"

Gideon looked at her, studying her face, "You're...I don't know... lost."

She looked into his blue eyes from the open doorway. "I suppose I am," she said before shutting out Gideon's understanding look.

The next morning Gideon had acknowledged her at breakfast and introduced her to the unknown order members at the table. One man, named Benjy smiled warmly at her. Another, a man name Kingsly nodded toward her and continued to eat.

She accepted Gideon's offer to play exploding snap in the study after breakfast, and found herself there for most of the afternoon. He still did most of the talking- and laughing- as he frequently laughed at his own jokes, but Ella didn't altogether mind his company. He made a habit of calling her Dora-_it's a much better reflection of your mysterious personality_, he'd teased and Ella occasionally found herself relaxing. The numbess was still present, but Ella no longer felt choked by it.

The next few days she spent alternating her time with either Molly or Gideon. Occasionally, she'd indulge Arthur in talks of muggle objects. In most interactions she still felt disconnected, but she had laughed three times- once with Gideon- Once when Molly had tripped over a garden gnome and once when Arthur had asked her to describe the uses of _a strangle contraption of flexibility known as a diaphragm_.

The fourth day she'd had another panic attack from the set of flowered China Molly had used for tea. The flowers had been an identical pattern to the wallpaper in the tearom Voldemort killed in. Gideon had calmed her down- led her to the bathroom and stood with her as she vomited. Afterward, when she shook for hours, Molly had started a fire, thrown away the china and sat her between them- telling comforting stories about their childhoods.

Throughout the next few days, Gideon told jokes more than she thought possible, but as the days passed Ella found herself smiling at them. A fondness for both Gideon and Molly grew and surprised Ella. The three talked, though Gideon and Molly did most of the talking, and Ella found herself fitting in. And as each hour passed in their company the numbness dissipated.

The days and nights passed until it was the night before her initation into the order. Gideon and her were sitting under the willow tree.

"Okay, I've got one. Why did the Hufflepuff return his tie?"

"I've no idea."

"Because it was too tight!"

A bark of laughter escaped her lips and soon she found herself fully laughing. she rolled onto her back as Gideon watched on.

"Alright. It wasn't funny. I get it."

She kept on. Holding onto her sides and squeezing her eyes shut. Soon she began to laugh harder, she laughed to hard she cried. And as soon as the tears started, they didn't stop. The shreiks of delight transformed into dismay and she found herself sobbing into Gideon's blue shirt. She cried until her body became so throughly exhausted that she couldn't walk. He lifted her in his arms and carried her back as the tears still fell down her face.

In the middle of the night, she woke to find Gideon and Molly asleep in chairs at her bedside. She was slightly hysterical at the sight. With long sleeves and afternoons spent with Gideon, she had almost forgotten who she'd become. She'd almost forgotten the horrors she'd done. Ella didn't deserve people to care for her like this. She didn't even deserve their respect.

Disgusted with herself, she walked out of the room and ran down the creaky stairs. She heard his startle and begin to follow her and did not care. He should know the person she is. The things she'd done.

She tiptoed out of the bed and ran down the stairs, out into the field to the willow. He followed her, "What are you doing?"

"what are you doing! Why are you being so nice? Why do you both care!"

"Because we do. You're important to us."

"Why! I'm not a good person. I don't want this!"

"And why haven't you let any of your friends come over Ella! They've called loads of times!"

They had? She hadn't known that. "They don't need to see me. The person they know is dead."

He ran his hands through this red hair frustratingly. "that's bollix!"

"You didn't know me before!

"I know you now! I know you're not capable of whatever you think is evil. Whatever you did, you did it because he made you!"

"No one made me do this," she snarled as she lifted the left sleeve of her jumper. "This is the person I am. Whoever you think you've befriended is a lie."

HE was stunned, staring blankly at the skull and snake enigma…

"But you-…you didn't-"

"I did. I killed and I enjoyed it." He had shook his had as if clearing thoughts away. "You did it to survive. You-"

"Stop. I don't need you to fix me."

"I'm not trying to. I just want you to be happy.'

"Well I'm not going to be. I'm trying. Godric. I'm trying so hard. But all that's left is this…emptiness. I don't know why you both care, but you need to understand. There isn't anything left of me to save."

He took a deep breath and nodded.

"Alright, Alright… we need to go get ready. You're fri- the initiates will be here soon."

She followed him and realized that the argument was the first time she had raised her voice- the first time she had had any conversation of intensity since before…"

It was the next morning when Ella left her room, tugging at a green shirt and ripped jeans. She collided with a body and found Gideon staring strangely at her. "Well, spank me and stick a dungbomb down my drawers, you're smashing!

She looked down at herself. She was thankful that the numbess had taken root today. She needed it more than ever.

"No, No…" he assured her holding out his hands in an appeasing gesture. "…No need to tell me the same, I know I'm looking quite sultry myself."

She wondered what had gotten into him. He had never been this flirtatious with her. In their weeks spent together, they hadn't spoken of Sirius, but she figured he suspected there was someone before she'd been taken.

"Oh, lass. Don't be embarrassed! Many have been rendered speechless by my debonair attire. Just give me your arm fair lady and I'll lead you to the festivities."

"Are you-"

"Merlin's hairy armpits-she speaks! And my, what a voice. Do you sing fair lady? Perhaps later we could-"

"Fabian...I thought i heard you dulcet tones." She turned to find an identical copy of the man in front of her. "There you are little brother! I'm just acquainting myself with a new soldier."

"You're a twin."

"Unfortunately," they both replied.

Ten minutes later the order was seated within the inner rooms of the house, waiting for the new members to arrive. Molly was making herself buys with snacks as Arthur spoke with Benjy about the courage of the young members. Other men and women, some she knew and others she didn't, sat in silence in the dining room.

She was leaning against the hallway doorframe near the entrance when Gideon found her.

"I reckon you're nervous."

She nodded.

He placed her hand in his own and gave it a squeeze, "Don't be, they've missed you."

She gave him a small smile and jumped as the door opened. Dumbledore came through. "Mr. Prewitt, Ms. Dillonsby….I trust you've not changed you're mind?"

she nodded and absently scratched at the mark hidden beneath her sweater.

"Your friends will begin to arrive shortly. I think it best you greet them, for they are anxious to reunite."

Ella felt completely numb. They had wanted to see her-probably had fought with Dumbledore to see her and she had absolutely no desire to do the same. She knew seeing them would hurt. The reminder of who she was, would hurt. And seeing Sirius, looking into his eyes and watching as he realized the girl he cared for was gone, that would hurt the worst. She knew they would try to help her, change her, and fix her. But none of that was necessary. There was nothing left to salvage- nothing to save. The time for that had come and past. And although she didn't feel as dead inside as she had three weeks ago, she knew she would never feel the same.

Detachedly, Ella watched at the door opened and Lily walked inside. The older walked directly toward Ella. "Oh, Ella." She engulfed her in an awkward hug-One, which Ella did not return, as she refused to let go of Gideon's hand. Lily pulled back from her friend with tears in her eyes, "I'm…I'm so glad you're okay." Lily left when a Benjy escorted her to the dining room. Ella nearly fell over. "You did fine," Gideon coached.

Alice and Frank were next. Tears and hugs were exchanged and Frank and Alice both told her how much they missed her. Ella merely nodded and told them it was good to see them.- It wasn't good to see them- this was ripping her apart. Soon they were taken into the other rooms.

The next two would be far the hardest. She knew it, just as surely as she knew they'd arrive together. The large hand clutching her own steadied her. His smile was friendly and understanding. He was the only one who knew of the mark, of her darkness and still stood next to her- expecting nothing but what she could give.

The door loudly banged open as Sirius and James entered. Whether it was the surprise of the door or seeing him, Ella lost her breath. He was skinnier than when she'd last seen him on the balcony and his skin by far paler. His eyes had a wild look to them they used to lack. They had that in common, she supposed. She saw a franticness and agony within those grey depths that made her wish all over again she was dead.

She fought for numbness as he started toward her and took her face in his hands. He said nothing, just looked into her eyes for a long moment.

"Don't you ever bloody disappear again, do you hear me?"

She looked into his grey eyes and let him see the extent of the damage. She tried to let the numbness show through- to let him see how irreparable this was- to make him understand she had never really came back. While he was frantic with worry and relief- she barely cared to be out of bed. Love wasn't something she was capable of anymore.

"let go of me, Sirius."

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**sooooo...Do you like Gideon...hate him?**

**review**


	18. Initiate

**My New Years resolution is to finish these stories. I WILL DO IT :) ..hope you enjoy**

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Lily stiffened as Potter entered the dining room. After quickly greeting Ella and the man called Giddeon, Lily had been ushered into the narrow room. She then met a pleasant woman named Molly and her husband Aurther. Aurther noticed the watch her father had gave her last Christmas and swore her to tell him of the contraption after the initiation. Lily already thought fondly of the couple.

However, not all order members were as welcoming as Molly and Aurther. A cluster of different witches and wizards refused to even acknowledge her presence in the room. A man whom looked identical to Giddeon had kissed her hand and given her a wink before retiring into the kitchen. Dumbledore spoke in whispers with Mcgonnigal, whose had was slightly wrinkled at it's point.

Lily felt irrationally sick to her stomach. Despite, demanding to be admitted, a small part of her acknowledged the commitment she was about to make. This decision would surely influence her life, perhaps even, end her life. The thought was terrifying and unwelcome.

Almost as unwelcome were the nerves fluttering in her stomach over seeing James again. Ella's haunted face had only added to the anxiety. Since their fight at the end of last term, the friendship that had exsisted between the boy and herself ceased to exsist.

The flirtatious banter, friendly teasting and even the protectivness she felt towards James were now overwhelmed by the anger Lily had adopted. James' stupidity had put them all in danger that night. And he'd even had the audacity to blame Lily for the ordeal!

It was true Lily felt overwhelmingly guilty. At times, since the attack, the guilt would engulf her completely. Her father had found her thrice within such an episode. From no where she'd hear James' voice scream at her from that corridor,

_"This is all your fault! Ella is gone because of you!" _and she would disappear from the culpability.

The sobs and physical pains would subside, but the guilt always remained. It ebbed on her self-conscious daily. And despite Ella being returned, Lily felt worse today than she had in a long time.

It was true that Lily was partly responsible. She had brought the death eater to the ball, a fact which he had concealed from her. Lily may have brought the candle but James' brash behavior and need for trouble was what lit the match.

They would have all been safe if they'd only stayed within the castle walls. Leaving for hogsmeade was irresponsible and gave Evan the opening he'd seeked for attack. Lily had warned James, but his need for firewhiskey and rule-breaking had won out, resulting in death and torture.

James' behavior at the party for Ella had only fueled the anger she felt toward him. Potter would never learn his lesson. Instead of atoning for the capture of their closest friend, which occurred thanks to his own bad habits, James saw it fit to repeat the debauchery.

The door Lily was standing in front slid open, revealing a stern looking James. Lily stiffened, her insides churning. He made eye contact, but skirted away from her as Molly introduced herself. A few moments later, an upset looking Sirius entered the room. Lily wondered if she was the only one who could see the wrongness that now lived in Ella's eyes. The girl, who had once been so full of life, seemed to be deader, someone Lily wasn't sure how to interact with.

The girl in reference entered on Giddeons arm a moment later. There was a smudge of something on her face. Dumbledore asked them to line up in the center of the room, which left Lily in between Ella and James. Someone, most likely Sirius, jostled James from his other side, making his should brush up against her. Lily fought a shudder.

Bloody fool, can't even stand up right.

Dumbledore rose his arms, making his blue cloak drape dramatically from each limb. "Welcome to the headquarters of the Order of the Pheonix…"

Lily saw James glance around. A few members toward the kitchen door mumbled something incoherent.

"You four have offered to join the Order and I thank you for your courage in this time of need. We are in a war. A darkness is spreading throughout the wizarding world. A darkness, which, I fear, may end us all. The person behind this war will not stop. He is absolutely dangerous and will not hesitant to kill any of you. You must understand this before you join this fight."

Dumbledore looked at each of us, all humor in his blue eyes gone, "Are you willing you die for this cause?"

He first directed the question toward Sirius, who, after a moment of stiffening replied.

"Yes."

Next, Dumbledore turned toward James, his eyebrows raised slightly.

"I am, sir." James said.

A horrible vision of a lifeless James twisted in Lily's mind. She tried to focus as Dumbledore turned toward her.

"Are you willing to sacrifice yourself for this war?"

Lily didn't want to die. She was just too young and hadn't done enough yet. A moment of panic made the answer lock into her throat. Wildly, she glanced around the room. She swore blood soaked the walls. All of these people could die. She could die. She'd never have a family, or marry. Was it worth this?

A wirery man with black hair spoke up, "Honestly, Dumbledore, they're just children! This isn't right."

A few of the members nodded in agreement. Lily felt embarrassed that her hesitation had fueled their argument.

"They are capable of understanding this sacrifice, Edgar."

"How is that possible! Children had no notion of death. They think it's-"

The ramblings of various members fled her mind as Lily felt a reassuring squeeze on the hand hanging limply by her side.

She turned toward James, only to realize it had come from her other side. And with the assurance Ella had given, all rational thought returned. Thousands of people were dying. Fighting this war was important. Fighting this war was right.

"I understand death," The man turned to her, surprised. "And I understand what he's asking of us. Children or not, this is the right thing to do. "

She focused on the headmaster, "I'm willing to make that sacrifice."

Dumbledore nodded, "And you?" He asked Ella.

Lily saw each of the boys next to her shift to see Ella's answer. The girl had started nodding before Dumbledore could finish. "You know I am."

Satisfied, Dumbledore stood back. "I offer both congratulations and my remorse to each of you. To be brave is not an easy feat, especially at such a young age. Each of your courage is to be admired. And, I predict, that the courage of the young, such as you, is what will win this war. Welcome to the order."

-0000000-

The oath was only part of the admission process. Lily and the others found that a feast made mostly by Molly was the second part. They sat at a table, stuffed with ham and meats as the Order members addressed them one at a time. The members asked of their favorite subjects in school and quidditch teams. James, who sat diagonal from Lily, heatedly told of his favorite band. Sirius sat next to him, sullenly glancing toward Ella, who sat next to Giddeon and Molly further down the table.

Lily's stomach was twisted in so many knots that she'd barely eaten anything. Molly fussed over her and insisted she tried the potatoes. The vegitables in question, were placed directly in front of James. Lily glared at the spuds before finally obliging Molly.

"Potter," Lily said, careful not to slip into the sue of "James", "Pass the potatoes."

James continued to speak to the man with white hair. Lily knew he heard her.

"Potter…" No response.

"The potatoes, Potter…" James again blatantly refused to acknowledge her. From the renewed animation in his current tale, she knew he was enjoying himself.

"Pass the bloody potatoes, Potter!"

He turned with a smirk, pretending to only just hear her, "All you had to do was ask, Evans."

"You're a laugh, Potter. Honestly, you're about as entertaining as Filch's left hand.

He shrugged, "How about you entertain us."

The man next to him turned toward her, "What can you do that's entertaining, lass?"

"Lily," Potter Smiled, "You should show them all _your_ tattoo. She'd got a lovely Horntail on her back, don't'chya Lils?"

His raise in volume, directed the entire table to turn toward her. Lily wished she could disappear under the table. "That's a great idea. And you could show them your ability to ruin everything you touch!"

James pffed, "I don't recall ruining you," a glint shown in his eyes, "and from what I remember, we touched quite often..."

A laugh exploded from down the table, " Are you two shaggin' then!" Fabian boomed.

"NO." Lily practically shouted, "I'd rather tounge the whomping willow!"

Fabian chuckled, "So, you like it rough then?"

"_FABIAN_!" Molly continued to scold him as Lily was sure her face turned red.

Surpisngly, Ella was the one to change the subject.

"Where are Peter and Remus?" Lily hadn't given it much thought about the other mauraders. Clearly, Jame sand Sirius were the more reckless of the four boys. Lily supposed Remus was more like her, willing to risk it for what matters. Ella was right, he should be here.

"Remus is having some health problems, nothing serious but it prevents him from….becoming a fully _functional_ member." James answered.

"And Peter….?" Ella hedged.

Sirius looked directly as her while answering, Lily was sure something was exchanged in his response. "…was afraid."

Lily watched Ella's eyes become guarded and deaden once again.

She glanced around the table, and for the first time all night, noticed how young each of these people were. Sure, the newest members were the youngest, but each older member wasn't truly that much…older.

Each was in their early to mid-twenties. Dumbledore and only two others seemed to be past the 30 year mark. While glancing around, Lily's eyes met James'.

He was glaring at her slightly, looking on in a challenging manor. Her own eyes narrowed, challenging him right back. He was pissed with her and she was just as unhappy with him.

James was a reckless, arrogant prat. Lily decided right then and there to completely wash her hands of the boy.

Her pledge to stay clear of him lasted about as long as dessert and their greetings goodbye. Somehow, they both ended up at the secluded coat rack together. And somehow, they both reached for the same coat, at the same time. As James' fingertips brushed her own a spark lit up her arm. Lily pulled the appendage back and nearly stumbled over an umbrella rack behind her. James reached out to steady her.

Putting her back on her feet, he frowned toward her before grabbing a coat in the pile and striding out the open door. Lily found herself watching him as he went.

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R**eview!**


	19. Seventh

**So this is where most Lily/James stories on FF begin...Not me (lucky you, lot). I am realizing how ridiculously long this story is becoming, but i think it is still interesting and not too exaggerated. I really aim for making the characters believable and feel real. **

**I would love feedback. **

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_"I can't believe it!" Lily ran down the stairs, nearly tripping on the last one. Her screams, had already reached her father. She launched herself into his arms shrieking, "I got it! I got it!"_

_He laughed loudly, "Got what?"_

_She struggled out of his grasp and held out the letter. He read in silence before his eyebrows shot upward and he engulfed her in a hug, "You got head Girl!"_

Lily smiled to herself, remembering the scene with complete fondness. She had been so excited since receiving her letter, she had barely had time to ponder on the identity of head boy. A few different faces came to mind. Kevin Buer, a hufflepuff in their year would probably get elected. Last term the boy had singlehandedly won Hufflepuff the house cup. It was a bit ridiculous, actually. Lily supposed she wouldn't mind spending the extra time with the boy. Afterall, the head boy and head girl were practically inseperable in their seventh year. The two positions were specifically made to coordinate with eachother. They even shared a dorm. Lily attempted to imagine herself and Kevin huddled in front of their common room fire, playing wizards chess. The scene was absolutely ridiculous.

Lily shook herself of these thoughts as she and Daphne stepped onto platform nine and three-quarters. Daphne was going on about some boy she had met over summer holiday, moaning about how little they had seen of each other. Lily felt guilty for not Daphne about joining the order. The secrecy wasn't for lack of wanting on Daphne's part. No, Lily was sure if she told her friend about joining, Daphne would be marching into Dumbledore's office, demanding the same thing. Lily was also sure that Daphne joining would jepordize the one thing the girl worked so hard for, her future law career. Daphne's ambition for wizard law would altogether evaporate if she joined the order. Lily couldn't so such a thing to her friend.

Besides, even outside the order Daphne would serve her own part in this war. Lily was sure that once this was all over, the Wizengamot would try ever death eater they could get their hands on. Perhaps even, innocents in need of legal council would need help to remain free. And Lily knew just the ambitious girl who would help.

The possible future made Lily smile, as she waved the smoke from the train from her face. She stepped onto the train trying to forget about the Order and danger and instead marveled in how bizarre this all was. Six times before she had stepped onto this train after a summer holiday. Each time she would smile and feel as if she were going home. But this year, Lily felt like she was about to do something profound. Perhaps it was her newly acquired title which gave the premonition.

"-so I said, I object and then," Daphne glanced toward her distracted friend, "I snogged Filch for good measure-"

"mhm," Lily agreed.

Lily marveled at how monumentous this felt. She wasn't the same little eleven year old who had stepped onto the train hand-in-hand with her best mate, Sev. So much had changed since then.

"-is hands are kind of scaley. But I'm kind of into that whole 'I don't fancy showering thing-"

"Right," A sudden sickness in Lily's stomach bloomed. Her first year self would never have thought Sev could be capable of such terrible things, nor that they would end up on opposing sides of this war. A vision of being at the tip of Severous's wand quickly came to mind. She fought to suppress it.

Daphne had had enough, "Lily!"

"What?" She turned toward Daphne's accusing frown.

"You're not listening, again," She admonished.

"I'm sorry," Lily winced. She had barley spoken to Daphne after they reunited. She felt terrible. "I've got a lot on my mind."

The girl softened, glancing around the compartments as they walked on. "It's mental, isn't it? Seventh year?"

"Yea, it is."

Daphne chuckled and mock-straightened Lily's badge, "And you're head girl. I knew you would be."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Any predictions on whose head boy, then, all-knowing one?"

"I expect you'll find him…" Daphne smiled strangely, "agreeable."

Lily wasn't sure she wanted to know what her friend meant. From the look on the girl's face, she already knew. Lily decided she'd rather find out for herself, so instead of blasting her friend for information, she bid her goodbye and walked toward the prefect compartment to meet up with the Head boy.

On her way, she nearly tripped over a first years bag and then was accosted by a group of Slytherin six year girls. After what seemed like entirely too long, Lily slid open the compartment door which was monogramed with a swirly P.

The first thing she noted was his hair. It was dark and windswept, looking as if he'd repeatedly dragged his hand through it. Lily marveled that it looked much shorter than she remembered. His eyes were too entirely blue for their own good and his robes seemed tighter this year. He stood tall and confident. He looked truly like a quidditch player all strength and ability.

Lily hadn't seen him since the Order initiation, but with a pang of an alien emotion, she realized how different he seemed.

It took her an entire moment of eyes wandering his body before she stupidly began to wonder why he was here. His own smirk, told her nothing.

It took Lily's eyes a moment to catch the Headboy's badge resting snugly upon the chest of his robes.

"You?" She practically accused.

He continued to smirk, but Lily thought the expression looked nastier than she remembered.

"You're the head boy?" She was glancing around the compartment, expecting some poor seventh year to be stuffed under the seats, mugged of his badge.

"Yep," he popped his 'p'.

"Is this some kind of laugh?" Surely, Dumbledore wouldn't do this. James wasn't even a prefect! Was that even possible? That he picked some random boy for the title with the most responsibility!

"Well, i'm not laughing, _Evans_."

"B-but, You can't be head boy... You lack all responsibility. Did you steal that?" She marched up to him, determined to find some flaw in the badge. Perhaps it was a fake. Perhaps the real head boy just hadn't arrived yet.

He jumped back, pushing her away, "Hey! Hands off!"

However, Lily had seen enough, the D scrawled into the bottom crevice of the badge was Dumbledore's own signiture. It wasn't a fake.

"Why would he pick _you_?"

James straightened his robes, dusting off some imaginary dirt. "Dumbledore said I showed great promise."

Before Lily could stop herself, she replied, "That's bollicks. Your terrible!"

His eye's darkened behind his glasses. "I'm not the one shagging death eaters, Evans."

Lily felt her anger grow. "This is exactly what i mean. We can't work together, I'm going to talk to Dumbledore." She began to march out of the space, but before she could get to the door, Potter was in front of her.

"Wait," he asked with his hands up, as if not to scare a colt. "Listen, that was out of line. I know we both hate each other, but _this_..." He stumbled, and ran his fingers through his hair, "Head boy means a lot to me. Can we just _try_ to work together?"

The honesty on his face was enough to calm Lily, she suppossed that if he was passionate enough about the title to apologize, perhaps he would take the role seriously. He _did_ seem quite different from the last time she'd seen him. Perhaps he could handle it.

She had nodded and they had taken their respective seats in the compartment. It was until two full minutes that Lily remembered something else.

"Merlin! We're going to be living together!"

James smirked, "Yep," he glanced toward the scenery out the window, "Welcome back to Hogwarts..._roomie_."

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**Review. It motivates me to write. **


	20. Change

**Here is another one for you. What did i tell you? I am GETTING THESE STORIES DONE. Hope you are loving them. **

**If you are, comment.**

**If you aren't, KEEP IT TO YOURSELF...just kidding. You can comment, too, i guess. **

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It had taken an entire twenty minutes for Lily to stop moaning about them living together. James had only looked out the window as she complained and threatened bodily harm against him if this went sourly.

James wasn't too worried, or at least, James was too distracted to worry. The last few weeks had been some of the absolute worst in his life. He was sure, while she had looked him over, Lily had seen some physical manifestation of the damage Jame's felt. The damage he had caused.

It had all started with the initiation. Sirius had been in a state up to the day, threatening everything he had if Dumbledore didn't tell him where Ella was. James had thought that seeing her again would be a reprieve from the pain they'd both experienced since her capture. The moment he saw her, he realized it would not.

The Ella they knew was dead. The shell of a girl who stood in her place had bones peaking beneath too light skin. The shadows under her eyes and the redness in their color, made her look not entirely human. The white streak throughout her black hair and the altogether deadness within her gaze had only confirmed his fears.

Sirius, had of course, also noticed. Just as they both had noticed the new fixture at Ella's side. Giddeon seemed nice, but his prescience had been just another reminder that this girl was not their Ella. James didn't know who she was any longer.

Sirius, however, refused to acknowledge the complete loss of their friend. He had barley spoken of what had occurred between them, but the tidbits he'd told James were enough to indicate she had completely turned Sirius away in that entry. Sirius had said she was only afraid, afraid of getting better, of moving on. Ella had told Sirius there was nothing to fear when she had nothing more to loose. James had watched Sirius as he'd told how he screamed that they had each other to loose; their friends. When James had asked his mate what she'd said in return, Sirius had only shrugged and dragged himself into the room.

He had not, however, left quick enough to disguise the tears streaming down his face. James had watched over the next few weeks as Sirius completely deteriorated. His friend had drank, and cried and screamed, repeating the same phrase over and over again, "But I love you!" James wasn't even sure his friend knew he was saying it.

He had no choice but to watch as his friend practically slipped into insanity. It wasn't until last night that Sirius had made a change. Last night, after weeks of owling Ella, pleading for a response, James had finally gotten one. She had told James she would floo over in three hours time to speak to Sirius. His friend had instantly taken a sobering potion, cleaned himself up and promptly waited for the next few hours in front of the fireplace. Ella had never shown.

The event, however, hadn't sent Sirius into a further rut. Instead, he had claimed, with determination, that she hadn't shown out of fear. And fear, Sirius insisted, was good. Fear showed she still felt, that she still loved him.

James didn't see the connection and only began to worry for Sirius more. The guilt that he had over his responsibility in the events had ate at him. He'd barley slept last night.

In the early hours of the morning, James had vowed to change. He vowed to no longer be the petty little boy who'd caused so much pain for his friends, he would be the headboy Dumbledore had assigned him to be. He would show Dumbledore that he did have great promise, as the man had insisted.

And promptly, James shad decided, that would mean forgiving Lily. He wasn't sure how easy it would be. Partially, he did blame Lily for Ella's events. And furthermore, he was angry with her for leading him on last year. James had practically thrown his heart at her shoes and she had merely stepped on it. For those collection of months last semester he had honestly thought they would get together.

The idea was ridiculous now. James was going to forgive her, work with her and then, he decided, he was going to move on.

All through the prefects meeting, the first feast and leading the first years to their dormitories James tried to keep to his resolution. He had not goaded Lily once throughout the night, despite the curious glances she kept throwing his way. At dinner, when their friends had all sat next to each other, he had nicely asked her to pass the chicken, and not once commented on how slowly she took to do so, or when her sleeve dripped into the gravy in the process.

James had also, attempted to not notice how often Sirius stared at Ella while she ate at the far end of their group in complete silence. Nor, did he ponder on the words Sirius whispered in her ear, before leaving the table.

James instead focused on himself. He hoped that by doing so, the stab of guilt he felt every time he looked at Ella or Sirius would subside. Maybe, the self-loathing he felt for practically ruining Sirius would fade away with the more good he did. James certainly hope it would, because living with this guilt, this absolute overwhelming pain, was eating him alive.

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**Did any of you see this change in James coming? Of course, you did!**

**P.s.s i dont own Harry Potter. we already know that but... okay.**


	21. Memories

**Here is another one. I am on a roll...Enjoy. Enjoy.**

**I dont own HP. but i do own an imagination.**

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"_Meet me behind the tapestry,"_

He whispered the words so softly, that Ella wasn't sure she'd heard them right. The entire walk to the hidden spot, Ella had replayed those five words in her head over and over again. In truth, she wasn't sure why she was following him. She knew she shouldn't, that doing so would only encourage his latest determination. But a part of Ella, a small nearly-snuffed, spark still lit when he was around her.

Of course, she had no intentions to act on the feeling. In fact, since their reunion, Ella had actively been pushing him away. First, in the entry of the Order Initiation, then through letters in which she'd reply one or two words to his page long pleas. Someone who wasn't so numb may feel badly about rejecting him so harshly. But Ella didn't feel anything.

Anything, that is, except that spark. It had occurred the first time he'd touched her and a few others since. However, the feeling was altogether too small to change her behavior or offer compassion to someone who was mourning the loss of who she used to be.

Besides, Sirius didn't love her. He loved the ghost of who she was. The only people who truly cared for the new her were Giddeon and Molly. Arthur too, had become a companion but he hadn't been the ones holding her while she had an attack or brushing away the tears after her brothers attempted a floo conversation.

Giddeon and Molly knew every darkness that she held. They knew of the torture Voldemort had exhibited, of the people she'd watched die; the people she'd taken part in killing. The two even knew about her power. Since being taken, Ella would from time to time slip into the habbit of lashing out at anyone near by. It usually occurred while she was in a state of panic. A healer called it post traumatic something. Ella just called it damage.

She was so entirely damaged she didn't even know where it began and ended. She didn't even know herself. Ella laughed when she was with Giddeon, and he made her feel lighter, but the darkness had resurrected the moment he'd left her on that platform. He had kissed the top of her head, told her to _keep them at bay_ and had left her.

Just like her mum and dad would do.

Their faces, bloodied and wide-eyed flashed momentarily. The thought deadened her further. Her insides felt like lead, weighing her down. A flash occurred and she pictured her hand on the knife that opened their bodies. She felt sicker as she fingered the tapestry.

Shaking away the horror, she pulled it aside to reveal Sirius., standing in the empty space. He looked older and far worse than she remembered. Stuble grew along his jaw, and large bags under his eyes. His skin looked sallow and blotchy. Ella supposed they looked alike.

He smiled at her, "I knew you'd come."

"What do you want." The words were meant to deter him, but he wasn't easily discouraged. Sirius moved closer to her, crowding her in the already small space.

"I told you," he admonished, "I want you."

Some distant memory of being in this same room surface pushed itself into her mind. He had touched her so feverently then. Ella remembered her old self feeling alive, feeling like she couldn't get enough of him. She didn't feel anything further from it now.

"Who you want is dead."

A strange look crossed his eyes, he moved closer, this time taking her face between his hands. The spark within Ella made her stomach flutter. His skin was warm and rough against her cheek.

"No, I want you. Whoever, you are. I want this you."

Ella was sure he wouldn't want that. The girl she was now was so far from who'd she'd been Sirius would never be able to deal. He would instead keep waiting for her to change back into the quick-witted girl who'd punched him that day.

"You're only chasing a ghost."

He dropped her face sharply, "I am bloody not! I know you're not the same. I don't care!"

"You will though," she said searching his face, "you'll care when you hear the things I've done, the people I've hurt."

She saw how the statement hurt him. Ella was just too numb to care. He wouldn't give up until she said the words, she could see that plainly.

"I don't love you, Sirius."

Hard grey eyes narrowed. "Who do you love, then?"

"No one. I'm not capable of it." It was true. She was no more capable of it than she was of turning back into the old Ella. Moreover, she didn't want love. Love was pain, love was what _he _had used to tear her open inside.

"That's bollicks. I see the way you look at Giddeon."

Ella supposed her affection for Giddeon could be construed as such. In truth, she didn't think of Giddeon in such a way. Giddeon was just there, he was what helped her breathe, like air. Trying to explain this would only be futile, so instead, she shrugged.

Sirius looked at her "Why him?" he demanded.

Ella was sure Sirius wouldn't understand what Giddeon was to her, that Giddeon was more of an extension of herself rather than a love interest. She tried anyway. "He's light," She said. "He makes me lighter."

Sirius' face fell, Ella should have stopped. She would have if a sudden desperation to make Sirius understand did not overtake her. He had to give up this hope that she would return. There was truly no going back.

"You're dark Sirius,"she continued, ignoring his flinch, "together, we'd only drown eachother."

Ella thought she had said it. She thought that was exactly what Sirius needed to hear to make him give up. The small fluttering in her stomach made her feel sick. A small, stupid part didn't want him to give up on her.

Sirius surprised her by taking her face in his hands once again.

He took her face again, more gently this time, all the while, searching her eyes. "Listen to me," he commanded, "I'm not light, but I love you, I love you more than I can even explain. And I don't care about my family or Voldemort or _sodding_ Giddeon-"

"-You are in love with a girl who is dead."

He rubbed her cheek, working a shiver down her spine.

"Do you feel that?" he implored.

Ella refused to answer.

"Then, you're not dead. I don't care who you are or how dark. I'm not afraid. Just be with me."

The frustration that had been slowly burning beneath the surface reared quickly. Ella was instantly furious with Sirius, furious that he didn't believe her, furious that he still got to her, furious that he made her want things, things that she didn't deserve. Her mind grew unsteady, like the sea before a storm. The latent power brewed.

With all her strength, she pushed against him. "This is ridiculous, Sirius, I don't care about you!"

He rubbed the spot she'd shoved and nodded absently. "Fine," he agreed. "but we both know you do."

He anchored himself to the stone wall, arms crossed and with the gesture, her frustration consumed her. The power inside her grew like a swell and before she could control it lashed out into his mind.

The power dug through slimy levels, overturning images and digging through dark crevices. Numerous scenes played, like images on a projector. The first was an image of the girl who used to be Ella, flying on the Quidditch pitch. The memory was filmy and lacked detail but the admiration and attraction she felt toward the girl were clearly Sirius'.

The next images were dark and hazy, as if parts of the film had merged, overlapped. Holes were seen throughout these memories, as if something alien had eaten at it throughout first flash was of Sirius punching a wall, opening the skin above his knuckles. In a morbid fascination, he watched the blood drip from the wound. The image folded in on itself as another Sirius took form. This memory was also hazy, made so by the nearly empty bottle in his hand. Tears streamed down his face as pictures of her adorned the floor like a shrine. The image blurred and burned and next she saw him standing in front of the same blazing fire, tossing the last of many photos into the flames. It took only a moment for Sirius, so distraught by what he'd done, to fling his hand into the flame, attempting to salvage any of the photos. Before the memory hazed completely out, James had run into the room, hearing Sirius' cries. He cooed "_we'll find her_," before Sirius passed out from the pain.

After, the night sky hung above, as the crisp memory resurrected itself. Despite, the firewhiskey that hung limply from Sirius' hand, it was less filmy and hazy than the others. He was standing on the ledge of the Potter manor and from the dark twinge of his thoughts, Ella could tell he was contemplating pitching himself off the side. Absently, he swiged from the bottle, nearly stumbling over the edge of the roof.

Despite that Ella was watching a memory, she found herself calling out, reaching with both her mind and arms for him to step away from the ledge. Ella was then hit with a sensation so strong, she could barley believe it herself. Absolute sheer terror took root as she watched Sirius contemplate his suicide. Watching him peer over the ledge, seemed to take forever. Ella had been so distraught with the vision, she failed to realize the image around her had burned away. A slimey memory that tasted of anguish had started. With discomfort, Ella watched as Sirius flew into the door the night of the initiation. She watched as all of his hoped crumbled when she pushed him away. As he began to accuse her of fear, her mind grew fuzzy and her legs heavy.

However, Ella's terror and discomfort proved no match for what she saw next. Just before Ella passes out, one last scene flits through her mind. It is of Sirius playing with a black haired girl. The girl has Sirius' black hair and brilliant green eyes, identical to her own, black spots take root before the little girl calls out, _Daddy!_ and Ella lost consciousness.

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**So this chapter was easier to write. I thought it was pretty interesting to see these scenes. If my boyfriend-bestfriend died, I would probably be just as distraught. What did you think?**


	22. Mates

**Enjoy**

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It had been 2 solid months since the term had begun and Lily couldn't help but notice something different about James Potter. All of the group had been tried since Ella's disappearance. Each had coped in separate ways, Sirius by withering away, Remus by pulling them together and Peter by growing even more contemplative. Lily supposed she had changed some. There were moments, alone in her tower, that the weight of it all felt it would choke her. However, she was positive she hadn't transformed as much as James.

James had been more serious, less teasing. He had preformed each of his tasks, stayed close to his friends and managed not to work every one of Lily's nerves. In fact, Lily was sure he had matured quite a bit. A small part of herself admitted she missed the old James, the one who easily gave that crooked grin.

Of course, this James did still grin that way, just not toward her. At first, Lily had thought he'd still been miffed at her. Blaming her for Ella's capture or the harsh words she had thrown at him. As the weeks passed, Lily had grown increasingly wary of him. He had spoken to her in the meetings and been amicable in the common room, but toward her something had changed. In their fifth week of cohabitation, Lily's will had broken, apologizing for her behavior. He had accepted graciously, an quite un-James-like. Still, his behavior toward had not changed.

Lily had been forced to realize what that change was. Daphne had been harping on about the excitement of the last term when it had struck her. James no longer fancied her.

Of course, this realization had been coupled with Jame's brilliant win against Slythern. Lily had stood in the stands, among the screaming Gryffindors, staring dumbly toward the pitch. James had sported the biggest grin possible, his hair swept in different directions. She watched as the boy who no longer fancied her, was pulled into another girl's arms.

Lily shook herself of the self-loathing. She hadn't been jealous that day in the stands. No, she'd merely been miffed that Hilda Rebert had been on the other end of that snogging. Lily had never cared for the Ravenclaw.

The door to the common room was thrown open, interrupting Lily's train of thought. James and Sirius made their way through. "-not going to be the same."

"Prongs, she's opening up to me. We'll get her back."

"We don't even know what happ-" His eyes turned toward me. "Hullo Evans-"

"-Lily," Lily heard herself say without any significant thought.

She saw the surprise in both boys eyes, fighting a blush.

"Are you talking about Ella?"

Sirius nodded. "She's getting better." They threw their books on the table and sat on the sofa beside hers.

"You don't know that Sirius."

"We've been talking again. She's starting to trust me."

James smiled sadly toward his friend. "She's been tutoring you and you begged her to. I don't think that's-"

Sirius stood abruptly, "Sod off, Prongs." He gathered his books. "Ev-Lily, if you speak to her…" He shrugged.

Lily understood. "I will."

The entrance shut as Lily and James sat together beside the fire. A comfortable silence lived between them. She felt herself smile, pleased that he had stayed even after his friend had left.

"So," he ran a hand through his disheveled hair. "Lily, huh?"

Lily fought the blush creeping up her neck. "We're co-prefects and we're-" A word popped into her mind that Lily was severely happy she didn't speak.

"Mates?"

"Yes. We're mates."

Lily and James spent the next few hours in front of the fireplace. They spoke of many things. Lily asked him questions about Quidditch and pranks. James asked all kinds of peculiar inquires about muggle life. They both found themselves in hysterics as James spoke of Lily's father. Lily couldn't even help feel embarrassed by his antics. When the light from the windows began to fade and the fire lit the room, they decided to retire to their rooms.

Lily stood, brushing the dust from her slacks. "I enjoyed this," she found herself saying.

James looked surprised again before returning her smile.

"I did too. I never knew muggle were so mental."

Lily laughed, "Honestly, a slinky is just for fun."

His eyebrows pinched together, "doesn't sound fun to me."

Lily's laughter grew. James called out, just as she reached her rooms. She turned.

He smiled, shyly. "I'm glad we're mates. I've missed this, being close."

Some warmth grew inside Lily. She had missed this as well. She had missed his laughter, his attention. The past months had been far more bland than she'd even realized. Being with him, jus tht two of them felt right. Perhaps there was something here. Lily was so surprised by the thought the she mumbled some sort of assent before shutting the door.

"Oh bloody hell," she leaned hard against the door, fighting panic. "I fancy James Potter."


	23. Chatting

**Enjoy.**

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"I can't tell you." Sirius explained as he sat at the table across from James. Most of the great hall way empty, having abandoned the castle for Hogsmeade. Sirius had been in particularly high spirits this week. Ella had finally "returned" to him so Sirius says. She had still stayed queit around the rest of the Maruaders but James had noticed some of the shadows lift from her face.

"Has she told you what he did to her?"

"Some things," he said. "She's still having trouble speaking about it."

"What about Giddeon?"

Sirius seemed light, despite the other man's attachment toward Ella.

"She lied. She doesn't fancy him."

"Are you sure?" James was worried about his friend's ability to make any rational judgment toward the girl, though, he was happy to see Padfoot smile.

"s'all brotherly affection," Sirius shrugs. James decided not to point out that she once said the same of Sirius. James merely nodded

"Speaking of affection, what's with Evan stropping around you."

"She's not stropping."

His friend scoffs, "She's been preening like a bloody chicken!"

James highly doubted Evans strutted for anyone, though he had noticed how different she'd become in the past few weeks. After their night in the common room the past month, they had been spending more and more time together.

"We're mates."

"You're not mates… you're in love with her."

"Yea, well. Maybe we're better off this way."

"What is that I hear?" Sirius smiles, adopting a dubious look. "The stubborn James Potter is giving up so easily."

"Easily? It's been years. I'm not giving up, I'm moving on."

Sirius smiled toward his friend, deciding that the two of them together were too stubborn to make this move on their own.


	24. Mark

**I'm surprised (and delighted) to find that a few of you are still reading this!**

**I feel bad because I haven't updated this story in a while BUT the reason is it's my first FF (it's long) and there is a lot I would like to edit in it if I had the time to go back and do so. For a while, it was feeling like a lost cause but you guys inspired me to finish it. **

**So i am going to try!**

**Please review because they make me smile.**

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Ella fought back the darkness that ebbed into her unconsciousness. The images seemed to bleed into her mind. She still heard their screams, saw their faces and felt their blood on her hands.

She shut down her mind completely, practicing the calming routine Dumbledore had been preaching since her return.

_I am not the sum of what I have done. I was forced to do those things. I will find the light in this darkness. _She flooded her mind with memories; her mother's smile, her brother's in Romainia, Molly's cooking and of course, her mind supplied the image of Sirius. Sirius' arms wrapped around her, the smell of his skin, the waive in his hair. _ I am loved,_ she chanted at last and all the other memories faded away.

Ella's breath came easier as she came back to herself, sitting on the windowsill of the owlery. Warm, strong hands wrapped around her waist that were not there a moment before. She made a quick check that her robes were pulled over her wrist before relaxing into the embrace.

"You were in one again when I found you. I thought this might help."

It did, but Ella thought it best not to say anything. Some delicate thing had transformed between them these past few months. It had started with her blackout behind the tapestry. She had been so horrified by Sirius' memories that she had wrapped herself around him the instant she'd woken up. It had been a tense few weeks after that. Ella had warred with herself in trusting him and involving him. Siruis had been keen to know what she'd gone through and Ella had wanted more than anything to turn him away. She knew it would have been easier, to erase all contact with the girl she'd been and to live on as this new broken person. Then at least, she wouldn't be getting the sad looks from those closest to her or wondering if they missed the old-unbroken girl she'd been.

Mostly, Ella had just felt like she wasn't enough or couldn't give enough to Sirius. Of course, that had changed after Sirius had found her weeping in this very spot. She had been fighting another attack, longing for Giddeon and Molly. Sirius had come upon her and spent the night rocking her, whispering every emotion that had been in his soul.

He had told her how much he loved her and admitted how scared he had been that she'd never come back. He'd spoken of the rages he flew into while she was gone and a few of the darker memories she had already seen. He had spoke of his family and his fear of being left behind. Something about the way he had laid his entire self out to her, raw and exposed for her to see had been endearing. For the first time, she felt herself wanting to tell him, to explain to him why she would never be the same, why he should just give up on her. It had been that morning, just as a silver of sunlight creeped into the owlery, that Sirius had whispered what she'd really needed to hear. He'd told her he had changed as well and that no place was too dark for him to follow her.

Since then, piece by piece Ella had told him of the torture and her episodes. He would always mostly listen and nuzzle her as she paused around the difficult bits. It had been horrible to re-live, horrible to even put the memories to words. But Sirius had understood and he had accepted her, scars and all.

"Ella. Are you back?"

She sighed deeply, enjoying his warmth. Around them owls hooted happily. "Yes. I'm here."

"Good. You missed dinner. I brought you some scraps."

"I'm not hungry."

Ella could feel his arms stiffen around her.

"Trouble, you're too thin. Eat something."

It had been a frequent harping of his lately, though Ella never verbally responded. Food seemed to taste so bland lately and after the episodes all she felt was sick.

"Can we change the subject."

He snorted, ruffling a strand of her hair. Ella was happy she was pushed back against his chest, so she didn't have to study his no doubt grumpy face.

"Fine. Are we ever going to talk about that kiss, love?"

_The kiss._ Ella had sworn to not let herself be with Sirius in such a way again. It had happened after last week's match against Ravenclaw. Sirius had recommended she attend since she hadn't been near a broomstick since last term. He had harped on about how she owed him since she'd quit the team and left him with Galen Greg, the worst beater of Gryffindor history. With some coaxing from Lily and Daphne she had gone and spent the entire game starring at Sirius. She had waited for him beneath the stands, away from the crowd of cheering Gryffindor's on the pitch. He had walked to her smiling this brilliant grin and Ella had completely lost her mind. In some trance-state the hand she'd placed on his chest had fisted in his robes and suddenly her lips were on his. Before he could say anything Ella had turned and ran. She should have known he wouldn't let it drop.

"No."

"No? Alright" She felt his shoulders lift and then felt his lips on her neck. Ella felt her mind race. She couldn't do this to him. Too much had happened since they'd last been this way. Sirius' tounge left little wet trails from the back of her neck down to her collarbone. And then, everything went blank.

Ella came back to herself some moments later, facing Sirius. Her arms wrapped tightly around his neck as she let herself forget everything else. The kissing went on for some infinite period of time before an owl swooped dangerously close to their heads. She ducked backwards, throwing her hands behind her to catch her weight as Sirius grabbed around her waist. They were chuckling as how ridiculous the moment was as something changed in Sirius' gaze. His eyes were rooted toward Ella's right forearm.

Ella fought panic and the instinct to run away_. He knew. Sirius Knew_. He had seen Ella's dark mark.


End file.
